Do Good Things

"If you do good things…", I say to my 6-year-old daughter, letting my voice trail off at the end.

She's heard those words so many times now that she smiles and responds "You get good things back, dad!" without a moment of hesitation.

It's a simple challenge response that has served me well in raising my children. When they were really little, I'd immediately recognize their small gestures (playing nicely together unsolicited or saying please, thank you, and you're welcome) and reward them with something small. They would beam with happiness, knowing that they did well.

As my kids have gotten older, I've delayed the gratification and upped the expectations. Sometimes they will approach me, "Hey dad. Did you see me? I just held the door for all of those people" or "I cleaned up my room without you telling me ", To which I respond, "Yeah, that's great! Good job. But you're older now so you're going to have to do more good things if you want to get a good thing". Most of the time they grumble slightly, but they're used to this, and they venture off looking for the next thing to do so they can get to their reward.

Not too long ago, we were in the car and my?daughter broke the silence, "Hey dad, I've been thinking…" My daughter does a lot of thinking so I'm always very curious when she says this phrase, "And I think we should change that thing we say."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well, you know how you say 'If you do good things,' she started, 'and then I say 'you get good things back'?"

While looking at her little smiley face in the rearview mirror, I said, "Of course. What do you want to change?"

She looked down at her hands, fidgeted for a second, and then connected her eyes with mine in the mirror. "I think we should say 'if you do good things then you EARN good things'". She paused and her face became nervous, unsure of how I'd respond.?

Truthfully, I was swelling inside with pride. This amazing little girl took this simple phrase that I've been saying to her and her brother for so many years and made it much much better with a slight little tweak.

"Ella!" I exclaimed, perhaps a bit too loud because she jerked upright in her car seat and her eyes widened. "That's great. You're right! That's exactly what we should be saying". Her eyes and mouth once again smiled and she tilted her head from side to side to the beat of the music and looked out of the car window. I'll never forget that moment, and now we say "If you do good things, you earn good things". She always emphasizes the word "earn" though so that everyone recognizes that it was her contribution.?

In the near future, the next chapter of this lesson will start for my children. In this chapter, the second half of the phrase gets dropped entirely and it simply becomes "Do good things". We're a very fortunate family. My wife and I are healthy as are the kids. Our bellies are full, sometimes overly so, and there's a beautiful roof over our heads. We love each other fully and have a super strong support system of gracious friends and family all around us. I want my kids to understand that this platform is a gift and that we can show our gratitude by doing good for others. If I'm doing this dad thing right, I hope that they truly believe that the only reparation that we need is that warm and full feeling that you get back by serving unselfishly.?

I'm posting this not because I'm the dad of the year and have it all figured out, but because I love this silly little phrase and what it has done to help my kids begin to grow into the servant leaders that I know they can be. I hope that someone else finds value in it. Please use it freely.

Do. Good. Things.