Do Better! Really?

A Critical Conversation on Capacity?

Trigger Warning: The intended audience of this message are those who are positioning themselves to positively impact the world while championing the progression of people. If that is not you, you may be offended, and for that, please know that this is not my intent. However if that is you, and you are still offended, Do Better.?

How do you respond to phrases like “Do Better?” Does such admonishment discourage or encourage your efforts? In my experience, I’ve found that many take offense to such advice in part because most of us want to feel like we are doing our best at all times. We want to believe that we are knocking it out of the park every day, every time. However, our realities are rarely in alignment with our wants, feelings, or beliefs. And while such beliefs may seem harmless, admirable even, in most cases they only serve to posture us in yesterday’s limitations. Because there is actually another side to that coin. Finding discouragement in the admonishment to “Do Better” does not only reveal a belief that we’ve already provided our best, but it also expresses an unarticulated belief that we are at capacity. A belief that we simply cannot do better. A belief further calcified in our offense to the suggestion. I often remind my children and students that the rejection of correction is the abandonment of improvement.?

I’ll speak from my own experience to avoid unnecessary generalizations. In the context in which I work and live, I often run into what I’ve grown to call “Toxic Fragility.” I’ve even suffered from the syndrome myself in times past. Toxic Fragility is evidenced by any belief, idea, or practice that focuses more on your breaking point than your potential point of breakthrough. In many cases, admittedly not all, our perceived breaking points are self-imposed illusions designed to soothe our sense of self-worth. In these cases, the breaking point doesn’t represent a physical limitation. Instead, it represents a standard that we’ve determined for whatever reason that we shouldn’t have to rise above.

Well, why should I have to rise above? Jane didn’t have to rise above. And I’ve known John for years and he didn’t have to rise above. But what does Jane and John’s life really communicate about yours? What do you actually know about Jane and John? How are you safe in your assumption that Jane nor John had no standards that they were required to rise above? Are you starting to notice a trend? We too often allow ourselves to become psychics in others’ lives while ignoring the front-row seat to our own. At the end of the day, our decisions to rise above or not should be based on what we believe about ourselves, not what we think about others. Whether you decide to rise above or not should depend on the answer to tangible questions:

• Am I capable??
• Is this valuable??

Now, not to belabor the point too much, but this Toxic Fragility is often strongly correlated with magical thinking - believing that there are set standards in the world that once reached will magically reward us with the non-necessity of additional effort, ie The Promised Land. In my experience, failure is the only standard that rewards us with such outcomes. Successful outcomes, even when barely so, will frequently require us to push beyond presupposed limitations. There are no magical standards, at least as of now, and universal entropy is constantly at work to push us toward continual progress, not the blissful stagnation that we may have been promised. And likewise, you are not fragile. You are capable of achievement beyond your wildest imagination, but you mustn't be discouraged by the admonishment towards better.?

If you’re out here to make a difference, then you should already know that the way ahead will not always be convenient or comfortable. So with my last words, I leave with you a few admonishments to live by.?

Do The Work?// Do It Right?// Do Your Best?// Do The Most?