Do Better Next Time: How Empathy, Mindfulness, and Authenticity Can Help Us Heal
In a recent episode of my podcast, The Devil You Don’t Know, my wife and I explored the wisdom of Martin Luther King Jr., Malcolm X, and Dave Chappelle’s record-breaking monologue on SNL 50. The episode touched on themes of empathy, the lack of connection in our modern culture, and the heated divisions that continue to plague society. Chappelle’s monologue, in particular, highlighted the urgency of setting aside anger and judgment to embrace empathy and “do better next time.”
Empathy: Seeing Beyond Our Own Pain
Dave Chappelle reminded us of the transformative power of empathy—not just the surface-level kind that says, “I’m sorry for you,” but the kind that says, “I’ll walk with you.” He used an unforgettable comparison: the shared pain of losing everything, whether in the Palisades or Palestine. It was a stark reminder that grief and suffering don’t discriminate, and that our shared humanity is what should connect us.
In his closing line, Chappelle directed his words to former President Trump, urging him to set aside anger, animosity, and revenge and instead lead with empathy and fellow feeling. But his challenge wasn’t just for Trump—it was for all of us. The question is, are we willing to take it up?
Empathy doesn’t always come naturally. It requires effort, especially in a society where we often point fingers, cast blame, and dismiss experiences that don’t align with our own. True empathy is about recognizing that other people’s struggles are valid, even when we don’t share them.
Trauma Is Personal
We also discussed Gabor Maté’s concept of big-T and little-T trauma. Trauma, as Maté explains, isn’t about the event itself but the lasting impact it leaves behind. Big-T traumas might be catastrophic events like abuse or violence, while little-T traumas include bullying or neglect. Both shape who we are and how we move through the world.
Trauma is deeply personal, and comparing pain is a recipe for disconnection. Whether it’s within a relationship, a family, or on a larger societal scale, healing begins when we validate each other’s wounds instead of minimizing or dismissing them.
This made me think of Jonathan Haidt’s observations in The Anxious Generation. Haidt notes that we’ve moved away from being a society that supports one another to one that judges. Parents, in particular, feel this shift acutely. Where they once turned to each other for help, many now feel too afraid of judgment to even ask for it. This fear fosters isolation and anxiety, not just in parents but in their children as well.
If we want to “do better next time,” we need to revisit the sense of community we’ve lost. No one can carry life’s burdens alone.
Mindfulness and Authenticity: Being Present, Being Real
Mindfulness is something I talk about often because it works. In a world filled with distractions, being present in the moment is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves. It helps us move from reacting to responding—from impulsiveness to intentionality.
Authenticity goes hand in hand with mindfulness. Living authentically means staying true to who you are, not who the world tells you to be. It’s about designing a life that reflects your values and letting go of the need for external validation. If you’re chasing approval, you’ll always feel empty. When you live authentically, you make decisions that align with what matters most to you—and that’s where real peace begins.
How Empathy Can Help Us Heal
The divisions we see in the world today make empathy more necessary than ever. During our podcast, we reflected on how figures like Martin Luther King Jr. and Malcolm X came to prioritize unity and compassion in their work. King’s pivot to the Poor People’s Campaign and Malcolm X’s transformation after his pilgrimage to Mecca both highlight the power of empathy to heal even the deepest divides.
Chappelle’s monologue echoed this truth. Empathy is the foundation of healing. It’s about setting aside the need to be right and instead focusing on connection. It challenges us to ask, “How can I understand this person better?” rather than “How can I prove them wrong?”
Takeaways to Do Better Next Time
Do Better Now
Doing better next time starts with us. It’s about recognizing our own pain, extending empathy to others, and making intentional choices to show up differently. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.
Empathy connects us, mindfulness keeps us grounded, and authenticity helps us stay true to ourselves. Whether it’s a difficult conversation, a decision at work, or how you handle the latest news, there’s always an opportunity to do better. Let’s take it.