Do Not Be Arrogant

The longer I have been on this earth, the more I have come to realize that the most arrogant people are often the most uncertain of themselves. Out of insecurity, many people decide that it is important to project an image that they are better than others, and to come across as if they know exactly what they are doing at all times; nothing bothers them; and they know more than everybody else.

A few months ago I was at a seminar in Australia and there was a young man, no older than 25, sitting behind me with his wife. I often try getting to know the people sitting around me at seminars and when I am out in the world in general, because I learn so much from every new person I meet. I find that most people are very eager and enthusiastic to meet other people, and it is always a great way to gain new perspectives.

During a break in the seminar my friend and I went up and spoke to one of the presenters. We chatted with him and he immediately started telling us about how his company was a leader in employee retention, the best at various things, how incredibly important he was, and what a leader he was. I smiled at the man as I listened to him boast about himself, and I complimented him for being so special and successful. Then I said: “That is absolutely fascinating. I’d love to learn more about you and your business. May I have your card?”

I was doing some simple networking because I like to make friends and get to know people wherever I go. If truth be told, he was the biggest asshole I had ever met and I really was not interested in getting his card or learning more about him and his business at a later date.

“No,” he said matter of factly, “I do not have a card.”

I was taken aback, not by what the man said, but by how he said it–his tone; it was as if he had a business card but he was too important to give it to me. I do have a card but not for you … is what he was actually saying. My friend, standing right next to me heard it the same way. I followed with a natural response:

“Excuse me?”

“No, you cannot have a card,” he said. He looked at me dead center and then turned around and walked away. I was pretty astonished by the man’s behavior and had never met anyone like him. He was, to be blunt, the biggest asshole I had ever met.

My friend and I puzzled over this for those few days at the seminar. The guy was Malaysian, perhaps he hated Americans. No, that did not seem right. What had we done? He ignored us anytime we were near him. When various groups formed he went out of his way to avoid us. I run businesses that count among their clientele out-of-work attorneys, and I have seen scores of angry people throughout the years–but this guy took the cake.

Our meeting really left a bad taste in my mouth.

Then, a week or so later, I was on another small retreat taking a class from some Indian monks in Fiji, and the same man was at the seminar. One day at lunch I went up and sat next to him and a couple of his coworkers (who he apparently supervised) and said hello and smiled. Both of the coworkers looked at me and smiled and said hello and exchanged some pleasantries; one even attempted to start a conversation with me. Immediately, this guy (who had not said hello to me) interrupted and started lecturing his coworkers about something they needed to do for him when they got back to Malaysia. He refused to make any eye contact with me the entire meal. After around 15 minutes, his coworkers realized they were running late and quickly got up and left me and the asshole sitting at the table together.

I had heard him talking to them about some sort of meditation technique, so I proceeded to ask him about another meditation technique that I knew about, which I have been practicing for years.

“I really like this particular meditation technique,” I said, trying to make conversation. “What do you think about it?”

“I think you’d have to be a complete dumb ass and idiot to use that technique. It’s been disproved.” He then got up and walked away.

I was feeling a little bad about myself after these bizarre encounters with the man. Frankly, I was starting to be unsure of what I might have done to deserve such incredibly horrible treatment. What made it more disturbing was that the guy appeared to have developed a little entourage that he palled around with consistently. Granted they were people who did not appear to have a lot of self confidence, but nonetheless, they all seemed to like him, so it must have been something I did wrong. What had I done to provoke such rage?

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