DIVORCE SETTLEMENTS: A MATTER OF EMOTIONS

Family?disputes are always underscored by feelings, emotions and psychology.

Yet most judges, lawyers and mediators are not educated or trained on how to manage these elements, and moreover on how to integrate them into the legal and financial aspects of the case.?

Emotionally intelligent divorce?mediators know?how to skillfully?work with?emotions and psychological issues, and how to integrate that work into the legal and financial issues that our clients must resolve.

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Here are 6 tips to help:

#1: Actively listen to the spouses in order to connect deeply with them, develop rapport, build trust, and ascertain their goals, hopes and concerns

?#2: Mirror back what the spouses share to prove that you really understand?their goals, hopes and concerns

?#3: Uncover the spouses’?legal and financial concerns +?uncover the spouses’?core needs and?non-material interests

?#4: Structure a process to safely inform the spouse of the other spouse’s positive values and aspirations, the kind of relationship they would like to have with them going forward, and positive outcomes for their children

?#5: Demonstrate no judgment or criticism of the spouses’ goals, hopes and concerns

?#6: Channel each?spouse’s?goals, hopes and concerns into a host of possible solutions for?the spouses’?needs and?interests

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I use these guidelines in my divorce mediation practice to foster an environment of trust, integrity and problem-solving. So far, this style has proven successful and moreover has taught spouses to problem-solve on their own after separation.

Steve Benmor, B.Sc., LL.B., LL.M. (Family Law), C.S., is the founder and principal lawyer of Benmor Family Law Group, a boutique matrimonial law firm in downtown Toronto.?He is a Certified?Specialist?in Family Law and was admitted as a Fellow to the prestigious International Academy of Family Lawyers. Steve is regularly retained as a Divorce Mediator, Arbitrator and Parenting Coordinator. As a?Divorce Mediator, Steve uses his 30 years of in-depth knowledge of family law,?court-room experience?and expert problem-solving skills in Divorce Mediation to help spouses reach fair, fast and cooperative divorce settlements without the financial losses, emotional costs and lengthy delays from divorce court.?You can find his CV at?https://benmor.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/Steve_CV.pdf. He can be reached at [email protected]