Divorce Mediation

Divorce Mediation has grown tremendously in the last thirty to forty years (since I began practicing Family Law in the 1980s). I have had the honor of serving as a Mediator, being certified as a Mediator, Authoring a book on Divorce Mediation (How to Mediate a Divorce) and Teaching Divorce Mediation. And in one of my other books, "Divorce, Protect Yourselves, Your Kids and Your Future", I have written about Divorce Mediation, and have copied a portion of that chapter below as it explains things best. But Mediation of a Divorce is a very useful tool for almost anyone who is going, or may go through a divorce. And if you prefer listening to a Podcast or two on the topic, I was recently interviewed on two separate occasions, each time by a Judge, on Divorce Mediation, and those podcasts can be accessed by clicking on these:

Randy Kessler on Family Law and Domestic Mediation: https://www.milesmediation.com/podcasts/episode-2-3-randy-kessler-on-family-law-and-domestic-mediation/ and

Randy Kessler interviewed by Judge Gail Tusan on Divorce Mediation: https://desertmoongraphics.com/AtlantaAttorneyMagazineEpisode1.mp3

And as extra content or info, here is a revised portion of the chapter in my book, "Divorce, Protect Yourselves, Your Kids and Your Future, which covers Divorce Mediation: 

“What is a mediation?”

Mediation is an informal process in which the goal is to reach an agreement with the help of an impartial mediator. You and your spouse may be far apart in your notion of how your shared assets – or even the custody of your children – should be divided between you. You need someone impartial to help you come closer together and reach an agreement.

Divorce, as we learned in the previous chapters [those of you who want to read the rest of the book, feel freee to buy or download a copy from "Divorce, Protect Yourselves, Your Kids and Your Future"], is just a process in which you and your soon-to-be ex-spouse hammer out an agreement about how to divide your common assets, and how to arrange your relationship after marriage. You probably didn’t realize that after divorce, there is a new relationship between you and your spouse, particularly if you have children, but even if you simply owned a business together. In most cases, there is a relationship post-divorce, and your divorce is the negotiation process for creating the groundwork for that relationship. Perhaps that relationship will mean you never see or speak to your spouse again – but the way you divide the money earned from the sale of the house you bought together may have an impact on your life after divorce.

So what’s in this agreement? It can include division of your savings, child support payments, payment of debts, who gets Johnny and Frances on major holidays, or even how the collection of antique doorknobs you bought on your honeymoon will be divided. How is this agreement reached? As we have learned, you and your spouse can come to an agreement at any time – before, during, or after marriage. You can come to an agreement in two basic ways – by sitting down with your spouse, as well as your respective lawyers, and hammering out your own agreement. Or, you and your spouse can go to court, where you will have a trial before a judge, and in some cases, a jury. If a trial is needed, the judge will resolve your disputes and you will have to live with his or her decision.

A judge may not be the understanding softie you imagine. He or she may not be someone who will certainly see that you have suffered emotional pain because of your spouse’s neglect, or someone who will surely see that your grouch of an ex would really get his just desserts if the agreement handed 50% of his lucrative business over to you.

Sorry – a judge is a busy, impartial professional who has seen hundreds of such cases, and is probably more inclined to say: “Your marriage is over. You won’t have to live with this person anymore. That’s your reward. Now, let’s divide the assets fairly and we can all move on.” Divorce isn’t about revenge – it’s about getting on with your life. A judge may have his or her own problems the day your case comes up. He or she may be wading through a thick docket of aggravating cases. The judge may not even be used to ruling on divorce cases. Once the judgment is rendered and the gavel pounds, you’re stuck.

If getting on with your life depends on your having a fair portion of the assets accumulated during your marriage, then the most important ally you have in that quest is…you. So it’s really important that you try your best to reach an agreement without getting to the stage of a court trial.