Diversity minus Division equals Unity

“Let the words of my mouth and the mediations of my heart be pleasing to you, LORD, my rock and my redeemer,” Psalm 19:14.

Is it possible to experience diversity without division? Can we really bring different perspectives, opinions, and solutions together, even on complicated and challenging subjects like racial equity?

While divisiveness seems rampant in our culture, I am convinced unity is possible, if we have the humility and courage to adopt a new tone and purpose of the discussion.

Martin Luther King Jr. famously advocated for non-violent resistance as a means to social reform. He approached “violence” in broad terms and once said “A point that must be brought out concerning nonviolent resistance is that it avoids not only external physical violence but also internal violence of spirit.” He continued, “our aim is not to defeat the white community, not to humiliate the white community, but to win the friendship of all of the persons who had perpetrated the system in the past.” He believed deeply that selfless, sacrificial, and unconditional love “is the most durable power in the world.” I agree. 

Regrettably though, my presence in the racial equity arena has not always been well received. Not by people who know me and my heart, but by others who make assumptions based on my race, age, gender, and other identities.

I suppose one might say (and they have) “welcome to my world.” Fair enough. It has been humbling. And I want very much to help inspire change. In fact, I think a lot of people would, but many stay on the sidelines out of fear. Fear of not knowing where to start. Fear of offending by saying or doing something out of ignorance. Fear of being labeled. Fear of losing position or being "canceled". Fear of hurting relationships. Fear that feels too risky.

I’ve experienced the risk personally, including how I came to learn about and understand “white privilege & white fragility.” These are important subjects to appreciate. Understanding them can help inspire action, empathy, and build commitment to equity. However, when these phrases are used with contempt, they can lead to division rather than unity. Here’s my story and the lessons I’ve taken from it.

Almost 4 years ago in the fall of 2017, my wife and I were invited to participate in a forum designed to promote racial reconciliation. I was eager to participate, learn, and leverage the experience to make a difference elsewhere.

The program started great. We were exposed to elements of Black history of which I was ignorant. To be transparent, I had a very basic understanding of racial history. In fact, I was surprised to learn the degree to which active discrimination in government policy, business practices, and other institutions was commonly practiced in my lifetime.

For example, this is where I learned about “redlining”, the process of limiting services, often home loans, to residents in certain areas based on race or ethnicity. The practice was eventually challenged and outlawed by Courts in the mid 1970’s, but by then many decades of practice had resulted in entrenched housing segregation and a generational wealth gap that persists today. This example, among others, helped me to better understand some of the reasons we still wrestle with racial equity. So far, the program was delivering on expectations.

But then, it got personal as the subject turned to white privilege, which was described as the “inherent advantages in society possessed by white people on the basis of their race.”

Following this brief explanation, we broke into small groups. It didn’t take long before the words became divisive. I can still see the finger pointed directly at me and hear the words in a sharp tone saying “your white skin means you have privilege.” That approach set me on my heels.

Back peddling, I began to ask questions and provide examples from my life to make it clear that I didn’t come from “privilege.” I explained my grandparents were West Virginia coal miners. I recalled my grandfather showing me the company scrip in which he was paid, and the photographs he shared of the company housing and company store in which he was required to live and shop.

I told the story my father shared about hitchhiking from his modest home to attend Virginia Tech University in Blacksburg, Virginia. And, I explained how I worked my way through college to earn a higher education. I believed it was a story of hard work, overcoming obstacles, and not privilege.

My explanation was ineffective and resulted in my being used as a “great example of white fragility”, described as “the discomfort a white person expresses when confronted with racial truth.”

This approach did little to inspire or unite. What started as a deep desire to learn and make a difference had somehow resulted in my being labeled "privileged and fragile."

Without doubt, I am blessed. I’m also a deeply flawed person with many imperfections, and I brought them all with me to this program. I also showed up in sincerity, motivated by an intrinsic drive towards unity and love for others. I left the session feeling as if I was to blame for the problem, searching for how that could be possible, and timid about returning.

Thankfully, I persisted in asking questions and eventually came to appreciate the truth in what the program was attempting to convey. I also formed a belief that the generalization, like most, is not universally true. Taken together, this was my conclusion … 

• There are many circumstances in which I can operate freely, without concern for how my race will impact my opportunities, experiences or outcomes;
• Many social and economic systems, among other systems, underpin my freedom;
• This freedom is more true for me than for my Black friends or other marginalized groups;
• And, while race is sadly a significant factor in American life, it is not the only factor that determines opportunities, experiences or outcomes.

In other words, because most people in America have the individual capacity to act and take risk, the station in life into which one is born (e.g. race, gender, geography, family of origin, wealth, etc.) does not wholly dictate how one’s life turns out. 

This does not mean “life is fair.” Far from it. Race in America still creates an uneven playing field. It is a factor that should NOT have the impact it does. And, while we work for racial equity, we do not need to diminish anyone’s individual story, no matter their race.

This journey did a lot to teach me about the day to day experience of my Black friends, and how I have the ability to ignore my race almost all the time. They do not. If you find this hard to believe or are resisting its truth, do some research and ask questions.

It also left me with the realization that we have to get better at solving the problem. So, I developed a few guidelines to use whenever I’m engaged in a discussion of a sensitive matter like race.

1. Have meaningful dialogue and avoid “140 character” statements, “headlines”, and labels. There is always more to the story.
2. Speak in the first person about my own life experiences, and avoid generalizations;
3. Listen to (many) others’ first hand experiences without judgment, with an open mind, and an open heart; and
4. Accept the possibility that two seemingly opposing ideas can both be true.

Imagine if the program had followed these guidelines. Instead of putting me on the defensive, the person speaking to me could have shared that she had been deeply wounded by a racial experience her children had with neighbors. Hearing that, I could have reflected and recognized my children didn’t have that experience. What’s more, I was privileged to never even worry something like that could happen, although I do know what it feels like to have children who are left out or ostracized by others for their differences (i.e. developing mutual empathy). And, even though I came to the discussion ignorant of those experiences, I was voluntarily there to learn and use my considerable professional opportunities, which were unknown to her, to improve the lives of people like her. Wouldn’t that have been a better outcome?

Racial reconciliation & racial equity are really important to forming “a more perfect union,” and to achieving diversity without division. But as long as we approach the subjects with ill defined generalizations, labels, defensiveness, and a need to be right rather than a commitment to solve problems, we are likely to remain divided.

Instead, let’s go deep with each other, take the fear out of the dialogue, really understand the problems from a human centric perspective, and commit to working together towards common objectives without alienating, diminishing, or demonizing one another.

“For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of,” Jesus in Matthew 12:34.

If this leaves you with questions, disagreements, or if you have your own story to tell, please leave them in the comments. I welcome your views.