THE DIVERGENCE

Please be indulgent with the French to English translation. I did it myself.

In August 2022, a Quebec television channel launched a new documentary. The ad stated, “textually from French”:

“Fat people are disturbing. What’s disturbing?”

The first time I heard those words, I automatically thought:

“Come on! Fat people don’t bother. What is this story again?”

After hearing the announcement a couple of times, I started to think about it. At one point, I thought:

“It’s true that fat people are disturbing.”

Faced with this conclusion, which was very unpleasant for me, I asked myself why and I thought about it for several days.

Before I go any further, I would like to clarify a few points that characterize me:

In my opinion, all people on this earth have a brain that allows them to love, to appreciate, to wonder, to grieve, to think, … regardless of their weight, color, religion, gender, political beliefs, etc.

I sincerely believe that all people on this earth who respect people must be respected.

With that clarified, I would also like to point out that, I don’t know why, but I hate using the word “fat” to characterize a person. To me, this word is pejorative. I prefer to use the expression “a corpulent person”. This is what I think in French. I assume it’s the same in English.

When I heard the ad, I remembered a corpulent person I did work with for some months. An extraordinary woman by her intelligence, her friendliness, her respect for others, her patience. I loved working with her, even though her corpulence slightly surprised me the first two seconds when I first met her.

I must say that in my field of work, the quality of results takes precedence over weight, color, religion, gender, political beliefs, etc. In my work environment, I had become accustomed to the fact that physical characteristics had nothing to do with the job at hand. Nor on remuneration, by the way.

I return to this corpulent colleague whom I loved and appreciated very much. One day we found ourselves in Florida to participate in business meetings. Everything had gone very well. A success. For the return trip, we were paired on two flights.

On the longest connecting flight, about two hours, we had to settle for the tourist class. My colleague was assigned to a seat by the window, and I had the one next to her to her right.

In order to sit, she had to lift her arm support between our two seats. She did it mechanically, but I never saw it. As soon as we sat down, she remained firmly glued to the plane wall, so as not to take up too much space. It saddened me greatly … but I didn’t know what to say or what to do.

A few minutes later, the new neighbor who was going to take the seat on my right was also slightly corpulent. He also raised the armrest and took his place overflowing on my side. He was doing everything to stick to the aisle.

These two people obviously felt bad about encroaching on “my bubble”. (this is a French expression wich means “my personnal space”). For my part, what really bothered me was their discomfort. Being hot to be stuck on both sides disturbed me, but not as much as their discomfort.

During the flight, I walked in the plane just to give them some rest. A 5 to 10 minutes once in a while, should allow them to breathe and enjoy their trip a bit.

“What’s disturbing?”

The tourist classes of the planes don’t consider the size of the passengers. I say “tourist class” because for most airlines, in business class, there is no problem, the seats are wide enough and they are spaced apart.

I don’t blame the airlines for only taking into account the size of the majority of people, such as I don’t blame theatres or movie theatres or any other public place.

In fact, the societies are shaped to meet the needs of the average person, therefore the greatest number of people. We do not consider large people, left-handed, colour-blind, very small or very tall, etc. When we receive immigrants, we see that our society has been organized without taking into consideration the customs of other societies.

It’s not hard to figure out why.

It’s a question of feasibility (everything is impossible to predict) or profitability.

Finally, I have come to the conclusion that the only answer to the question, “What is bothering?”: It is the difference that is bothering.

One day I walk into a restaurant with my daughter, who was about 10 years old. We sat at the counter because all the tables were used. To my right is a man who was obviously suffering from a degenerative nerve disease, possibly sclerosis. He had little control over the movements of his members. He could not eat without the food splattering around his plate. People, including the waiter, looked at him with astonishment and even fear. I felt bad.

I must inform you that in my youth, an uncle doctor came every day to my parents to meet his brother, my father, and my mother. In addition, this doctor and my father owned a pharmacy. So, I heard about medicine all my youth.

I understood that this man, in spite of his disease, had a brain like mine. If I could see and feel the discomfort all around, he could also see and feel it. At one point, he paid and wanted to get up from the stool to sit in his wheelchair. I offered him, “A little help?”. He accepted with a smile. I helped him a little, mainly to keep his balance. When he sat down, he looked at me and he hardly said, “You have a beautiful daughter.” I gave him a smile.

We are disturbed because our environment is not built for different people. We are disturbed because we do not know what they think. We are disturbed because we don’t know what to do. We are disturbed because we do not understand them.

Awareness would certainly make it possible for everyone to no longer be disturbed and to improve their empathy.

Unfortunately, it would take at least one (1) generation to bear fruit. The short term is not really the strength of a society.

If you have any comments, do not hesitate to let me know and even share them with all LinkedIn contacts.

Richard Gaudreault