Ditching High-Level Languages for Binary Precision, No Interpretation Needed
(Note: I have recently come to realize that most people cannot grasp nuance or look beyond the most basic, surface-level interpretations of what they are presented with. For that reason, to make this week's article more accessible, I will provide insights and explanations that a 3rd grader could hopefully understand. My actual thoughts will be presented throughout the "article" in parentheses and italics.)
If you're still using high-level languages, let me gently remind you: that's so 2019. Real programmers—the elite, the uncompromising, the truly visionary—are moving straight to binary. That's right. I’ve abandoned the unnecessary clutter of human-readable code for the elegance of zeros and ones. I have ascended beyond what mere compilers can offer.
(This sets up the theme of the "article"—a silly take on how you should code with binary rather than using normal coding languages.)
People love to talk about the "efficiency" of languages like Python, JavaScript, or even COBOL, claiming these modern languages streamline development and "increase productivity." Ha! The only true path to peak productivity is binary coding. High-level languages are just intellectual hand-holding, designed for people who are comfortable with the mundane. But for those of us who crave precision? Binary is the only language that makes sense. No interpretation. No abstraction. Pure, unfiltered control.
(While Python and JavaScript are arguably "modern," adding COBOL in is funny because it is very old, and very few, if any, new projects would ever use it. The rest of the paragraph really just plays into the narcissistic tone of the narrator—a mostly fake version of myself—which, in itself, is a take on the ridiculous self-centered posts all over LinkedIn as individuals "sell" themselves and/or their products.)
Why Binary is the Next Big Thing - Until It Isn’t
First, let's tackle the elephant in the room: time. Yes, binary is more tedious than high-level languages—for the untrained. But ask yourself: Is your time truly valuable if you're spending it in high-level code? After all, if you're not directly telling your computer what to do, bit by bit, can you even call yourself a developer? Every 1 and 0 I craft is a masterpiece of efficiency, an homage to my own brilliance. And if you can't keep up? Well, maybe binary isn't for you.
(This paragraph is really just full of logical fallacies because I find using them in satire to be funny. (A logical fallacy is a mistake in thinking or arguing that makes something sound true even when it is not.))
Only the Strongest Minds Can Handle Binary Precision
This approach separates the truly advanced from the mediocre. Not everyone has the mental prowess or discipline to type out thousands of binary characters without a single error. But for those of us who can, it’s a matter of pride. The knowledge that my code is as pure as possible, untouched by the foul contamination of variables or functions, brings me a joy that high-level programmers will never understand. To the average developer, binary might seem “difficult.” To me, it’s a natural language—one that only the strongest minds can handle.
(Again, this plays into the narrator's ego, which is made more humorous when you know me and that I have constantly struggled with not feeling knowledgeable or good enough at coding. Don't send me messages about this line lol.)
The Future is Always Uncertain, and That’s Why I’m Right
Sure, I hear people scoffing, “But this isn’t scalable!” or “How the hell am I supposed to understand this!” To that, I say: Precisely. Only the most dedicated visionaries can comprehend the beauty of this approach. And mark my words, within two weeks, everyone will be embracing my technique. But will I still be using binary by then? Maybe, maybe not. In tech, the future is always uncertain. But for now, binary is the pinnacle of innovation—until I, the oracle of programming, declare otherwise.
(This paragraph mostly plays into the idea that developers/teams should always strive to use the newest "greatest" technology when, in reality, what's best is a non-obsolete but stable technology with a lot of documentation and online resources available for troubleshooting. This paragraph also sets up a future article that dives into that idea in a more fun way.)
Stay tuned, and remember, if you’re not coding in binary yet, you're already obsolete.
#EfficiencyExpert (recurring hashtag used throughout this article series) #RawCoding (mainly innuendo) #BeyondHighLevel (languages = bad: joke) #PrecisionMatters (binary = good: joke) #TechPioneer (self-centered narrator)