Ditch Perception, Embrace Perspective

I remember as a 14-year-old, my dad said to me, “Deon, perception is nine-tenths of the law.”

He was playing with the phrase possession is nine-tenths of the law. But how wrong he was.

When it comes to public speaking - or communication in general - many of us get trapped in perception.

We assume the audience is there to judge us, to analyze our every word, to catch us slipping up.

Subconsciously, we see the audience as our opponent rather than a participant in the experience we are creating.

But here’s the truth: Perception is an illusion. Perspective is what matters.

The Illusion of Control in Public Speaking

We believe we have control over how others perceive us. But as Psychology Today’s article The Illusion of Control explains, control is often just that - an illusion.

We cling to it because uncertainty feels uncomfortable.

The same is true in public speaking. We want to control how the audience sees us, how they react, and what they take away from our talk. We overanalyze their expressions.

This obsession with perception takes us out of the moment and creates anxiety.

What if we stopped trying to convince people of a perception and instead focused on experiencing the moment with them?

A Lesson from New York: Perspective in Action

I was in New York recently, giving a talk about presence-resonance.

I could feel the audience needed me to slow down, to rephrase, to clarify.

So I stopped talking.

I pulled up a chair, sat down, and paused for a moment. Then, I simply asked:

“What would you like to hear from me today?”

At first, silence. Then, slowly, people began to respond.

“How do I build my presence?” someone asked.

More questions followed, one after another.

What happened next was powerful - a resonance developed between me and the audience. A true presence emerged.

I used that very moment to illustrate the concept I was teaching.

It wasn’t about me trying to control their perception of my talk. It was shifting into their perspective, stepping into their shoes, and meeting them where they were.

Shifting from perception to perspective is the key to confident, impactful communication.

Why Perspective Beats Perception Every Time

When we’re trapped in perception, we’re inside our heads. We’re thinking:

• What if I forget my words?
• What if they don’t like what I have to say?
• What if I make a mistake?

But when we shift to perspective, we start asking better questions:

• What does the audience need from me right now?
• How can I make this clearer for them?
• What’s it like to sit in their seat?

This small but profound shift removes fear. It transforms public speaking (or any communication) from a performance into a conversation.

You start engaging with them, co-creating the experience.

The Power of Letting Go: Accepting the Audience as Participants

Much like life itself, public speaking is full of unknowns. No matter how well you prepare, you can’t fully control how people will react.

That’s okay. The goal isn’t control - it’s connection.

By seeing the audience as participants in the experience rather than spectators judging you from a distance, you free yourself from the fear of getting it “right.”

This doesn’t mean you don’t prepare or refine your message. It means you stay open, adaptable, and willing to see the moment through their eyes.

And when you do this, something magical happens:

You create presence. You create a resonance. You create impact.

But How?

Here’s how to start shifting from perception to perspective:

1. Reframe Your Fear – Instead of fearing judgment, remind yourself: The audience wants me to succeed. They are here to learn, be inspired, or be entertained.
2. Pause and Observe – Like I did in New York, take a moment to pause and truly see your audience. What do they need? Are they following you? Are they engaged?
3. Ask More Questions – Instead of assuming you know what they need, ask.
4. Let Go of Perfection – You don’t need to control everything.
5. Step Into Their Shoes – when you prepare and when you are speaking, ask yourself: If I were them, what would I want from this talk?

The Final Shift: From Speaker to Guide

The best speakers are guides. They don’t try to force a perception onto the audience. They invite the audience into an experience.

When you stop obsessing over how you’re being perceived and focus on how you can serve, you become a better communicator, a stronger leader, and a more confident speaker.

So the next time you step onto a stage, into a boardroom, or even into a casual conversation - ask yourself:

Am I embracing their perspective here?

You'll shift from controlling the audience’s perception to understanding their perspective.

You'll connect. You'll have a presence. And that’s where real influence begins.