Ditch the clichés: this is what students really need to hear about success

I get asked to talk at schools and colleges - typically at graduation or prize-giving ceremonies. This sounds very straightforward - just tell them “…that they can be whatever they want to be if they work hard enough, never to let go their dreams blah blah…” - the same well-tested message that you can see on a hundred YouTube clips.

But that would be a sell-out. If I expect any audience to respect what I have to say I have to start by showing them some respect - and not churning out the same tired old clichés they probably hear every year. 

The trouble is the audience can be a difficult one to refine - sometimes there are students, often there are teaching staff but also proud parents, siblings and other students who may not be winning any prizes, awards or certificates. I could try and pick one part of the audience to focus on or, and with much more difficulty, find a message that can resonate with the whole audience. 

The whole audience approach is obviously better but how do you create a message that isn't so high level or bland that it doesn't really say much at all? 

So I started by asking the question - what single key realization have I come to over my time since I left full time education that I didn't know at the time - something that has helped me to get on - yet something I was never told? 

It took me some time but eventually I realized that it was simple and startlingly clear - what I tell the students is this: 

All success comes from teams and teamwork. To be successful and to enjoy what you do - you will have to be part of a team. You need to be the kind of person that people want to have on their team, the kind of person that attracts people to be on their team - a good team member and a good team leader (if that's where you want to go). And the key to this is being the kind of person who is… well, a kind person. That's it! It is so simple yet so many people don't realize it. They are grumpy, defensive, critical or unhelpful and don’t know why they struggle. 

Being kind starts with the simple things - smiling, saying hello, asking how people are getting on and taking time to listen. But it goes further - being able to anticipate people's needs and stepping forward to offer help before being asked - being there to listen to someone who needs a friend to share their concerns with - being the person who surprises others with their thoughtfulness. 

I tell the students that it all comes down to habits - at first you may need to "practice" - until it becomes natural. 

I also warn them how easy it is to forget to be kind to people - especially if you cannot see their reaction to what you do or say. All kinds of online interactions pose this threat - I urge them not to post anything cruel of critical, to only post messages that their grandmother would approve of and if they have nothing positive to say - to say nothing. 

Another "danger" area I sometimes talk about is driving. Some people become aggressive and critical of others when they are in a car - they see other road users as enemies and behave accordingly. I plead with them to practice kindness - to assume the best of others, to stay positive, to be considerate. I share with them how I invent stories to explain poor driving by others and assume that every old lady is a friend of my mother-in-law, how every young driver is a friend's kid and everyone driving really aggressively has a genuine emergency they need to deal with! 

This all sounds too simple I know - but it's true! Being a kind person is the best business advice I can give and the best piece of advice that I never received. 

To set the scene with the students I talk to I often talk about so called business programs like "The Dragon's Den" (also known as “Money Tigers”, “Shark Tank”, “Lion’s Den” and other names in different countries) or "The Apprentice". I explain how the nasty, selfish and arrogant behavior you see on these shows has nothing to do with business and everything to do with making compelling and dramatic viewing. I don't suppose watching a team of people calmly meeting a challenge in a cooperative and mutually respectful way would be the most riveting television? 

What advice would you give to the students?

 Bob