Distant

I asked what she had been thinking about.

She said, "Nothing".

A few minutes passed without us saying anything.

We had both travelled a long way to see each other again. We had decided to meet at what we considered “the perfect place”.

Months have passed since the last time we had seen each other. Our expectations were sky high. We both had sacrificed a lot of time to make this happen. Nothing could go wrong. Or at least, that was what we thought.

There was something odd in the air.

I did not understand. It was difficult to explain. I had never felt this particular way. A new emotion was now tearing down every fence. I would never have thought that I would feel this way.

I wanted to give her a proper explanation.

Understanding how to, however, was a challenge. I had so many questions, but so few answers. The whole situation was making me feel nauseous.

I struggled to find the concrete words, and that scared me. The result could be fatal. It could determine the future direction of my life. Some things are explainable, but emotions are made to be felt.

So, I decided to not say anything.

We both remained silent, looking at each other. The tension was building up. We could not leave each other in this state. We did not know when the next time would be. If there ever is a next time.

We both had invested a lot to see each other, and many months had passed since the last time. Everything was meant to be perfect, and for the outside world, it looked so.

Our long conversations from the night before had tainted themselves into confused glances. Glances filled with hope.

Was it possible to find a solution?

We glanced at each other again, and again and again. Seconds became minutes, and minutes turned into hours. We both knew that something was about to happen between us. Even without saying so, it felt exactly that way.

We both knew that one of us had to break the ice. Breaking the silence is the part that scares me the most. How could I explain the inexplicable? It felt impossible to describe.

I felt like walking along a road without a destination. A road made of holes, for me to fall into.

We both knew that things had changed since the last time. The thought that our relationship was like a flower that never withers, had evaporated. Our glances at each other told a different story. A story that would shortly come to an end. A story that looked perfect.

We had decided to find the coziest place for our last meal. It was indeed one of the finest places in town.

I was physically present. She was a few feet away from myself. She was sitting in front of me. It was our last dinner. I could see her, smell her perfume and touch her hand. She looked stunning.

But at the same time; I have never felt so distant. She was physically there, but emotionally we were on two different planets. I was glancing at her from the moon, while she was on earth. This distance was the obstacle. The obstacle that was far beyond my capability to reduce.

Everything seemed perfect on the outside. On the inside that could not be further from the truth.

We both left our dinner without saying anything. Words were not needed. We both knew exactly what will happen.

We both returned to our two different existences. Our lives had touched for a short period, but the detachment at the end was too remote. It was not our physical distance that had created this situation, it was our emotional.

?