The Disruptor's Journey: The Quest Begins

Day 1 – Tip-Toe Outside Your Comfort Zone

I wake up this morning with a brain wave. The process of undertaking a quest is full of promise and peril. Why not write about it while it’s happening? 

I feel a bit sick in the stomach. I am mostly a pretty private person. There is no neatly wrapped ending to this quest. It feels a bit messy, like inviting strangers into your closet when the clothes are strewn about and the big pile of laundry in the corner tells them you’re too lazy to do laundry until you run out of underwear.

And yet it’s also exciting. I’m pushing myself outside my comfort zone. I’m stepping into connecting with how life is messy and accepting the messy part of me. Truth be told, when I was 25, I created an excel spreadsheet that laid out a project plan for my life. It had the years across the top: how old I would be, how old my husband would be. It had the major milestones when we would have kids, what promotions I was going to go for at work, what our financial plan would be. It was my way of feeling like I had some control because ambiguity is super scary for me.

My project plan didn’t have the heart break of not being able to have a sibling for our daughter. It didn’t have a timeline for when I would lose a promotion I had planned, but get a different more meaningful assignment in Mexico. It definitely didn’t have when we would get divorced. It didn’t have when I was politely asked to take a different assignment (and not given a choice). It didn’t have my decision to go to an ashram in India to learn how to meditate or a timeline to leave my corporate job. Life has a way of intervening with your best laid project plans. But I digress.

The quest started in January 2020. Toward the end of last year, I had been thinking about writing my next book. It would be about leading in disruption. Blah, blah. Then I was confronted in January by several experiences during my time in Davos. Satya Nadella announced that Microsoft would be carbon negative by 2030. The World Economic Forum announced two manifestos: to plant 1 trillion trees and to reskill 1 billion people by 2030. There was something about the sheer boldness of these moves that stirred me. The act of putting an ambitious stake in the ground without knowing the outcome. 

The stirring was actually physical for me. I felt it like a fire in the belly and also a sinking feeling. I felt inspired by these bold moves for a better planet. The sinking feeling was that inner critic part of me: “And, what? Are you going to just stand by the sidelines?” Dare I be one of these people who is willing to be bold? These acts inspire me because I value courage and boldness in the face of challenge. Would I respect myself if I stood on the sidelines? What stories would I want to tell my grand children? Marshall Goldsmith challenged us to ask this question of ourselves.

So the quest begins. I have shared it with a few friends. And this is the first public declaration of it. I am committing to impacting a community of 1 million #DisruptForGood leaders. These are leaders who will seize the day, find a way to be a force for good in the midst of the workplace disruption that is happening. We will learn from each other, support each other, and together co-actualize for a better workplace and world.

I’m also committing to the messy act of writing about this journey and sharing the personal trials and triumphs along the way. I’m doing this publicly to disrupt my own self but hoping that it will inspire others to join the quest for 1 million #DisruptForGood leaders. This journey is hard and I believe if we open up to each other and ask for help it is easier. If this inspires you (or even if it appeals to the part of you that likes the drama of reality shows), follow this quest on my website for now, or on LinkedIn (hit follow). I’m hoping my daughter will teach me Instagram this weekend so I hope to be on there with pictures of the people I'm learning from soon. Along the journey, I’m keeping this quote by Tim O’Reilly by my side: “Pursue something so important that even if you fail, the world is better off with you having tried”. My gratitude to the people at Hubspot’s Culture Code where I found it.

Day 2 - The Power of Community

I have a moment of self-doubt after the busy workday is done. Should I really be writing about this quest while it’s not fully baked? What if I got the premise wrong? Fear of failure. Fear of ambiguity. Self-doubt. Check. Check. Check. All part of the Disruptor’s Journey.

Pushing myself from comfort zone into the Disruption Zone is both exciting and nerve-wracking. I would not have shared Day 1 without the support of two friends. Nahia Orduna and Terri Deuel. Let me tell you about them.

Nahia and I connected a few weeks ago and have spoken only once. Yet that call has me on a “high”. Yes, that’s really what it feels like when you find someone with whom you resonate. Inspired. Energized. Supported. Here’s a picture of resonance.

Terri is a friend of seven years and we have taken many walks together in deep resonance. She sat with me to give me feedback on this quest. She introduced me to the 1 Second Everyday app. I use this app to capture moments of inspiration each day.

And to retrain my brain. You see what makes the Disruption Zone hard is that we each have a set of beliefs (often unconscious) that we need to disrupt in order to do the thing that is our quest. That is precisely what makes our quest exciting. It's part of the human DNA to grow. The quest takes us on a journey of growth.

I'm retraining my brain to learn how to ask for help and to receive it. Many of us, when we get to certain positions of influence, think that asking for help means we don't know what we're doing, and that said rank entitles us to knowing the Truth (with the capital T) and being the Expert (with the capital E). In the fast disrupting world, the future belongs to those who are curious and will learn from every person and every situation. I call this Radical Inclusion. I take pictures of all the people I am learning from every day to retrain my brain.

What I’m learning about stretching into the Disruption Zone is that it takes a village, a community. Over the last week I am grateful to:

Mark Thompson has shared feedback on the book idea. “I’m your biggest cheerleader” he says and then tells me to reconsider the title of the book (did I mention there is a book in the works?). He’s a great truth-teller. We need those in our Disruption Zone.

Between bites of take-out Pakistani food, Annette Tirabasso helps me create a mind map of what I need to think about with my quest.

My friend Ghalia Naseer takes the time to review my idea and give me Truth-Teller feedback.

Sarah McArthur introduces me to several people who will be helpful to me. Eddie Turner talks with me about his award-winning podcast so I can make a decision about whether to take this on. These are people I have just met!

Each conversation is full of resonance. What I’m learning about the Disruptor’s Journey is that we each need people in our corner.

On your journey of disruption, who are the people in your corner? And what creates resonance with them? Join the conversation.

Day 3 – Discovery of Resonance

I’ve been wondering about what creates resonance – that extra energy we feel when we connect with like-minded people on a shared quest. So I went to Google to read about it.

I found Paul who has a video on “Resonance”, part of his series on High School Physics Explained. I wish Paul had been my physics teacher in high school. He has a great British accent and such a friendly demeanor that it makes you want to actually study physics.

Resonance is an object or situation with a natural frequency that receives a forced vibration (energy) at the same frequency and creates greater amplitude in the object receiving the vibration. So here’s what I’m curious about: If this happens in nature, and we are part of nature, what if when we meet like-minded people with the same “frequency” we also create resonance (that feeling of inspiration, creativity, relatedness, extra juice that energizes us)? (Note to self: talk to smart people who do neuroscience and MRI brain scans to learn more about resonance. Why? Because we can all use more resonance in our work lives.)

Let me tell you about an amazing resonant conversation with Jeff Hilimire. I went to Jeff to learn about his super-power of being a force for good in the middle of disruption. Jeff is a serial entrepreneur and dad of five. He runs a great digital marketing agency called Dragon Army. He’s founded two non-profits (48 in 48 and Ripples of Hope), and in his spare time wrote a book called “The 5-Day Turnaround”. 48 in 48 hosts events where 48 non-profits get free websites in 48 hours through a community of website builders coming together. They have done 20 events already and he co-opted me in participating in their next event for Women’s Month. Okay, actually it was more like I co-opted him to invite me so I could be part of his eco-system of Force For Good'ers.

I walked out on a high and with major swag.

But, what was amazing is that he took an hour out from his busy schedule to help me think about how to create an eco-system for #DisruptForGood. We talked about whether I should create a non-profit or a social entrepreneurship venture. Here are some of the pictures I took for my 1 Second Everyday App.

And yes there was lots of resonance. We brainstormed how we could help each out with the projects we’re each working on.

The actual in-the-moment Resonant Experience though is what I want to learn more about. Because if we as human beings can learn this, it is beyond anything that robots and AI are capable of today. What I’m learning is that this experience is fertile ground for innovation, for inspiration, collaboration and well-being. If we can help the #DisruptForGood leaders create this experience wherever we go, we will be unstoppable in the missions that matter to us.

So, write me and tell me about a resonant experience you had.

Day 4 – Shavasana

It’s Sunday at 9:08am and I am in shavasana in my kundalini yoga class. Shavasana is commonly known as Corpse Pose where you lie in complete relaxation appreciating all of the space and openings that you created in your body and mind. Except my mind is going 100 miles a minute, bursting with ideas. I can't wait until shavasana ends and I can jot them all down on my to-do list to attack immediately.

I have spent the prior day outlining the book and co-opting my family in helping me outline the chapters. My husband and I go to Office Depot to get colored Post-its to organize the thoughts. My daughter helps me put extra Scotch tape because the Post-its keep falling off the wall. Apparently they are not designed to defy gravity. The color coding is main ideas (green), open questions (pink), chapter topics (blue).

The ideas in shavasana are all about an app that I think would be great. It would help the 1 million #DisruptForGood leaders track their progress. Anyone know of an app that already exists out there about this?

Day 5 – Fear and Excitement

They say fear and excitement are two sides of the same coin. I wake up on the fear side of the bed. “Discombobulated” is the best technical term I can think of. I feel the pressure to write the very best book in the shortest amount of time (a pressure I am of course inflicting on myself).

My go-to reaction to a difficult emotion is to:

a) Eat a chewy chocolate chip cookie and go into a food coma (in an attempt to feel numb)

b) Throw myself into my to-do list and try to be a hyper-productive multi-tasker (in an attempt to feel good)

c) Go to Facebook and admire the lives of all my lucky Facebook friends (in an attempt to distract myself)

I know you’re supposed to feel your feelings, but really, who wants to do that when the feelings make you feel bad. The idea to sit down and breathe mindfully crosses my mind. Before I can catch it, it’s crossed over to the other side and gone. I suppose if I were more centered I would pay attention to it. This strikes me as an interesting chicken or egg problem.

I am seriously tempted to cancel my appointment with Lloyd, the most wonderful trainer one can ask for. He tells me stories of his love life and I don’t even notice the pain he is inflicting on me.  Except I haven’t worked out in a week and I’m not looking forward to the pain and this exacerbates my fear.

One of today’s workouts is to balance on the bosu ball while doing squats. It’s also to catch the 8 lb ball he’s throwing at me while trying my best to balance and hurl it back at him with full force.

We are doing 15 reps. I fall off the bosu ball. Many times. Until it’s quite hilarious and we are having fun. Who said falling off and looking ridiculously uncoordinated in the middle of the gym isn’t fun? Now, if I could just have this attitude about this book.

Lloyd says this is a metaphor for life. You’re always trying to get balance, then stuff gets thrown at you. Sometimes you catch it. Other times you fall off trying to catch it. Then, all you’ve got to do is get back on and try again. And you get better over time. Quite the philosopher that Lloyd.

He’s also got a big dream. He was trained as a nurse in his prior career and loved working in nursing homes with geriatric patients. Now he wants to write a work-out book for this population. He says his older clients are some of his favorite because workouts really make a huge difference for them as they age. A #DisruptForGood leader. I give him unsolicited advice about writing a book (ah! the irony of this).

So what do I learn?

I learn that when you’re discombobulated and don’t want to feel your feelings, you might get a workout. And that will shift your attitude. I come back home and immediately write this.

I learn that I may want to take myself less seriously on this writing a book and starting a movement thing. To not try to be perfect. To just get back on when I fall off. To have fun along the way.

I learn that having “the Lloyds” in my corner are always a good thing. People who will push me and support me and make it all fun.

Not bad for a half hour workout!