Displaced Anger

Have you noticed at times you are angry at something, it takes over your thinking, feeling, and body??

Every little thing annoys you and then you yell at the dog.?Have you seen people have road rage and with minor movement on the road they start yelling, cussing, and showing crude hand gestures? Have you ever had a bad day at your office and then took it out on your mate or children??Have you noticed that people are mad about their life situations, and they get into furious angry debates on social media?

That is what we call displaced anger. It is a defense mechanism.?When one has not dealt with their anger toward a life situation or someone in their life, or it feels hopeless and powerless to resolve the real matter, then one holds that anger, and it leaks into all other areas of their life.?

At times the person is preoccupied with their anger about a situation, it takes so much energy from them that they have no tolerance for any other stress in life. When even minute or mundane stressful matters show up, they get overwhelmed and impulsively react angrily toward them.??

The anger must be released one way or another, so it bursts out at odd times and toward people who have not necessarily done anything to deserve the lashing out. This release of explosive expression helps the person create equilibrium, however, destroys many relationships. Afterward, it often creates the feeling of shame for the person who explodes since they know in the anger they dumped did not belong to the person.??

Many people did not learn how to contain their anger as a child. They may have not had a role model of healthy emotional expression. They may have been the recipient of adverse childhood abuse or have been privy to traumatic events. They might have had to numb themselves and could not express their emotions safely.?These emotions store and turn into an internal constant agitation that is waiting to blast at anything constantly.??

If someone has had a very controlling parent or an abusive parent, the displaced anger might show up as a general sensitivity toward authority in general.?This pattern may show itself in school with teachers, at work with a supervisor, with law enforcement, or even in different phases of relationships with mates.

The problem is that no matter how much the person lashes out at the world, the source of anger will not be handled.?It only leads to destructive acts and losing important people and opportunities.??

If you are finding yourself constantly being agitated, and getting irritated at everything around you, it is time to take care of yourself.??

Begin by writing down what you are angry about.

Are you angry at the present situation?

Are you angry at a particular person?

Are you angry at past life circumstances?

Are you angry at yourself and blaming yourself?

Is there anything you can do about the circumstance?

Is there a dialogue you need to have with someone to resolve, negotiate, or complete a matter?

If you can’t change the circumstances now, how can you accept the situation as is?

Do you need to forgive someone?

Do you need to forgive yourself?

Do you need the skills to communicate clearly regarding your needs?

Do you know how to release your anger from your body?

As you realize what the source of your anger is then you can begin assessing if the circumstances can be changed.?See if there is anything you can do to change the circumstances. It may help to talk to friends, family, or a therapist to see a bigger perspective on the circumstances.?

Others around us might offer us skills in how to handle the matter.??

If someone has angered you, begin journaling as if you are writing a letter to them. Write it all without censoring yourself.?State what you have seen or heard that has bothered you, what you made it mean in your world, how it made you feel, and what your request or need is from them.?

Continue writing until it feels like you have said all that you ever needed to say. Be prepared to hear their side and negotiate.?If you need support for this process, seek help from a therapist.??

If you are angry at yourself, disappointed, feel shame, guilt, remorse, fear, anxiety, sadness, and vulnerability covered by anger, you may need to feel more of the vulnerable emotions to experience the messages that you are trying to avoid.?Each of these emotions has been produced for a reason.?

If you ignore them, they will stick around and overwhelm you.?Meditating and becoming more aware of the feelings in your body helps you hear the message behind them.?Then take care of your needs, the need that is knocking at the door with feelings.?

Therapists can help you tap into your feelings and create a safe environment for you to contain or release them.

For more observational skills and a healing journey go to my book, "Life Reset - The Awareness Integration Path to create the life you want ".