THE DISPARITY OF A SINGLE MOTHER

"MOTHER"?- the sweetest yet powerful word in the world. But if we add the comment?"single"?before mother, the term?"mother"?completely changes and becomes the most despised word in our society, especially in Muslim- majority countries.

I am a single mother, and I've faced many difficult trials over the past eighteen years. It was on the?17th of February. Everything changed in the blink of an eye, and a proverbial storm ruined my life.?I was very young when I got divorced. And I found none at my support. I was a very timid girl and just a housewife then. I did not understand how to deal with such a storm that came into my life suddenly. And so, the road from housewife to today's Me was not an easy walk. I have transformed myself, overcoming my fear. Now, my voice speaks for me. I educated myself by emphasizing my voice to empower me to be a better woman and handle the issues more efficiently. This is how empowerment led me to face all challenges coming my way.

When I feel lonely, I question how I made it through such challenges at a young age and without guidance. I faced harsh criticisms, harassment, and unsolicited questions when I attempted to rent a home. I also had to prove my goodness and worth, navigate financial hardship, and endure unpleasant attitudes when others knew I was a single mother and all the raised. At such a tender age, I used to go round the courts and police stations to file a case against my ex-husband, and every month I had to go to court for a hearing. It took nine months to get the verdict from the court in favor of me, and finally, I got custody of my son. I had to face social ignorance many times. Even I couldn't rent a house because I was single. Many times, I had to experience unethical proposals from my bosses in interviews. When I was in university, I could not study in peace there. Classmates wanted to make?"friends"?but had another intention behind them. I had to face these problems, especially with young boys. When they learned I didn't have a husband, even my next-door neighbors immediately changed their attitudes toward me. Unfortunately, many women are involved in unethical activities in our society. Still, so-called society ignores their illegal activities such as - when their husbands aren't at home, many unknowns don't come home. Still, their visits weren't questioned because they have husbands and a piece of legal paper called a marriage certificate, which permits them to do everything they want. Our so-called society creates discrimination.?A single mother can't make friends with anyone because the person who wants to be her friend also sees her as a thrown product (garbage in the dustbin). I have received judgmental looks from neighbors, colleagues, friends, and relatives if they saw me sitting or talking normally, usually male friends. They made me feel like I made a great mistake as I shouldn't, and that fact weak from the inner side several times, and I shattered utterly. Unfortunately, This is the bitter truth of my life! I lost the zeal to live a life several times. Despite all these challenges staring at my face sequentially, I?summoned my strength, courage, and desperate will for the sake of my son. I not only dealt with all the household chores at home but also earned to give a good upbringing for my son, enduring societal biases.

Single moms dream of a wholesome, happy life- working, advocating, wearing western outfits, and raising their beloved children. Society continues to maintain the same unhealthy and stereotypical norms towards single moms, which don't apply to a married woman's single perception, intense and more empowered due to the additional burdens she carries on their shoulders. She has to work twice as hard as a two-parent family since she plays the role of both mom and dad.

"SINGLE MOTHER, a word that empowers the strengths of a woman. A mother who can manage everything single-handedly. A word that's embedded with parenthood and motherhood." ~ Nusrat zahan.         

If we looked back 50 years ago, we would see grandmas, uncles, aunts, grandpapas, cousins, and close relatives played a role in nurturing children.?In modern times, the parenting approach has become different. It is said that it takes a village to raise a child, but single mothers now fulfill the charge of child-rearing.

Some of the growing problems single mothers face are :

1. Emotional battles 2. Lack of support 3. Financial strain 4. Juggling multiple responsibilities 5. No social support 6. Unwanted proposals for marriage and an indecisive state of mind 7. Social pressures of getting re-married 8. Work-Life Challenges 9. Guilt, Blame, and Responsibility 10. Discrimination.

The role of single mothers in our society is another test of social neglect and humiliation,?along with all the other tests that are difficult to overcome. Single mothers strive to provide a healthy home environment, good education, and food for their children. Most struggle to find financial or emotional support from their community. The absence of a partner makes the road to becoming a single mother challenging and complicated for every woman. The pain doubles when all these responsibilities rest on a single mother when two people are supposed to share these equally. Parenting means changes where sacrifices and struggles are endured by a mother alone while raising her children. They have to single-handedly resolve concerns and dilemmas while undergoing a lot of emotional and mental pains.?There is a social taboo that we have to deal with. Being single mother, Single mother has to face encounters in every path of their lives.?If a single mother is successful in the business or corporate world, the first thing that comes to people's minds is that there is something fishy about it. How many degrees you have or how efficient are you-all these don't matter to them because of your sealed title-?SINGLE!?They often hide their sorrows and difficulties to avoid the stigma of judgment. They still fulfill their duties and responsibilities with transformative and joyful results.?The divorced woman does not prove that she failed to adapt to life; it may be that she has been freed from the forgotten man of her life. The most challenging and empowering things can be done by single mothers, which nobody else can ever do. Her story possesses indomitable grit and dedication because she leaves no stone unturned when it's about raising and sacrificing for her children.

Every girl gets married for the sake of their family. Before marriage, every girl dreamed of a charming prince coming and holding her hand and riding her happily ever after on his horseback. But can that prince charming give her a princess life? A girl tries her soul out to adjust to her new family and serve them her best. A girl doesn't want to enter married life, so she gets divorced and becomes single at the end of her tiring days. But God may smile in secret when she knits her dreams.?

A mother's pain disappears when she gives her children a beautiful life and helps them to succeed. That makes her proud! Single mothers also deserve respect, love, and kindness?and must be empowered for their single contribution to the family and society.