Dismantling the Barriers to Love

Dr. Zan’s Thoughts and Reflections:

Now that my ventures into public spaces occur with far less frequency, my senses are on high alert when I do have the occasion to be out and about to secure essentials for my family. This year the colors of the spring blossoms strike me as more vibrant than I remember them ever being. The sounds of birds singing and insects chirping are more glorious and insistent than I ever recall. The sensation of the sun’s warmth or the tickle of a breeze on my face is both soothing and enlivening. The encounter with other human beings is at once comforting and anxiety provoking when the space to pass is narrow or the threat of a cough rumbles behind their mask.

Likewise, poetic and inspiring words that I read are landing with extra weight and import these days. A verse that may have brought a smile or a pause in the past is now rattling me to my core and prompting deep introspection. Anyone familiar with the work of Rumi would likely expect that his words would ring with profoundness. Here is the Rumi quote that currently has me captivated: 

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

There happens to be a little “wanna be” English teacher within me, and she’s about to have a hayday with this one, but don’t worry--I’ll only give you the Cliffs Notes version of my thoughts about these beautiful words.

First off, we don’t need to be out there looking for love (and especially not “in all the wrong places,” as noted by Johnny Lee in his hit country song). Love abounds. We can start by connecting with the love that resides right within our own beings. Love is what we will find when we turn toward our very essence.

The only thing that separates us from love are barriers that we have created, perhaps not consciously or willfully, but they exist of our own doing, nonetheless. We create barriers to love, often in response to the belief that we can find protection or safety by emotionally walling ourselves off from others. We put up roadblocks within ourselves and lose connection with our very souls. Sometimes we think that it hurts too much to allow ourselves to express vulnerability or to share how we truly feel. However, we cannot protect ourselves from the pain of loss by remaining aloof or distant. We merely deny ourselves the joy of loving fully and with abandon when we have the opportunity to do so. If you ask me, it hurts too much to cling to the distance.

Since we are the ones who have erected these barriers to love, we are also the ones who can dismantle them. Of course, we first need to acknowledge and recognize that we even have such barriers. Then we can gradually get to know them and start on the path to releasing them. Now, this mission does not warrant the “merely” that Rumi offers; however, finding the ways we prevent ourselves from loving and being loved is critically important. We need love in times like these, perhaps more than ever.

Here are some questions you might contemplate, if your love does not flow easily:

What’s getting in your way? What stops you from loving yourself more right now?

How’s that working for you these days?

Could you loosen your grasp on this barrier? Would you be willing to consider doing so?

Could you contemplate allowing yourself to be loved more freely and fully?

Could you allow yourself to be the one who loves you most?

When you love yourself, and I mean really love yourself, it’s not so scary to offer your love freely to others anymore. It just becomes the thing to do and the way to be--perhaps even the only way to be. Lovable. Loving. Loved. Love.

Right now our senses are heightened. We may experience moments of beauty anew, basking in simple gifts; however, we are also keenly aware of loss, strain, and struggle. Couldn’t we all stand to clear the path to love, in the service of easing our collective burdens?