Discrimination isn't what you think....

This is a picture of me and my Dad. Aren’t we cute? I was about 3 years old. This is the age I was when I experienced discrimination for the first time. Well not the first time, but my earliest memory of it. A memory that is forever burned in my brain as a traumatic event.?

With the current societal climate and conversation surrounding DEI, I would be remiss to not chime in. Those who have never experienced discrimination or a barrier in society because of how they were born, tend to believe that discrimination is overt. The laws protecting against such overt mistreatment are of course necessary, but the reality is, it is not the laws on their own that create change.?

In my life’s experience, it is the insidious, unprovable, without recourse kind of discrimination that has impacted me the most.?

It is also the unintentionally discriminatory actions of those operating from a place of oversight, ignorance and privilege that have hurt me the most.?

It is those who have consistently put me in a position to speak up so that they can “accommodate” me, instead of taking the time to think outside of their own worldview that have created the most barriers for me.??

The day before my 3rd birthday, I required heart surgery at Sick Kid’s Hospital in Toronto. I remember screaming a lot while I was there, calling for my Mom & Dad. I was scared, felt unsafe and no one comforted me. I remember waking up in my hospital bed, after surgery and being totally alone, again crying for someone. The nurse who was responsible for me, left me outside the ward room, in the hallway, alone. I was separated from all the other kids. I remember being confused. This is where my memory ends. My parents told me that my surgeon walked by and saw me. He took me to my room, went and got me parents and apologized profusely for the appalling actions of the nurse who left me because “it was time for her break.” Was I treated this way because I have a disability? Who knows, but what matters is that this was the first time I felt "other." Was that nurse disciplined? Probably not…because….well…how could we prove it was discrimination?

When I was in grade one, my parents told the school and my teacher that a friend was always to accompany me to the washroom in case I needed help with the button on my pants. Well one day I asked my teacher to go to the washroom with my friend….and she refused. Guess what happened to that teacher….nothing. But 6 year old me had to go to that class with that teacher for an entire year feeling unsafe.

In high school, my grade 10 gym teacher centred me out every single class, because I requested extra time to get changed before my next class. It became a running commentary…which opened up the door to classmates to chime in.

In grade 11, when a student made fun of me every single time I walked down the hallway for weeks. Taunting me and gesturing how I drove a car, no one came to my aid. And then one day I snapped. I confronted him with all his disgusting friends as they laughed. I yelled at him and at some point dropped an f*** bomb. This is when people paid attention, and although he did get in trouble from the principal….I was chastised for swearing.

When I was the age to start working, I could never get a job. You know the minute you meet with the people interviewing that they aren’t even considering you.

I chose law for many reasons but mainly because it would allow me to create my own job, if no one would hire me.

I was denied accommodations to write the LSAT. The law school entry exam.?

Accommodations at my law school were appalling, lacking true accessibility and equality. I understand, to this day, there is no improvement. This is despite me going to the Human Rights Commission.

The courthouse, I litigated at for 11 years, is not accessible. I sat on the committee to have it changed and I was stonewalled at every step. So, I gave up, because it’s exhausting.

I had to arrange to pay someone to attend court with me during trials and motions. Getting to the courthouse and in the courtrooms with bags and boxes was not easy. It was necessary for me to have someone assist me to do my job. Meanwhile, I overheard court staff making comments about how I always had someone with me at court and carrying my stuff because “I thought I was better than everyone else.”

When the court system became virtual as a result of COVID measures, my world immediately became accessible. Once the world started to open up again, there was a united push by judges and many lawyers to return to in person. There was seemingly zero consideration of how virtual attendance was better for some people.?

When I went to a conference in the fall run by 3 women who claimed to be “women empowering women,” it was not accessible. Not even a little bit. I understood that it was only their 2nd or 3rd event, so I operated with grace and understanding. I spoke to 2 of the organizers and kindly highlighted the lack of accessibility and invited them to include someone like me on their committee in order to ensure inclusivity. I could see immediately that they were offended by me raising this issue and one actually said “I’m not discriminatory because my brother has a disability.” They took my contact information and promised to get in touch. They didn’t. When I followed up a month later…radio silence.?

If you are shocked by any of these examples and have thought to yourself “I had no idea,” then good. This is the point of me sharing these life experiences. It is to create a different kind of thinking. It is to encourage everyone to shift from a place of ego and fear of being wrong. It is to help you operate from a place of consistent curiosity and openness to tough conversations. This is what helps us evolve. This is what moves the DEI efforts forward.??

If you’re an employer, organization, government or corporation, and are surprised by what you read, then we need to talk. Those that are tuned in to the necessity of change and awareness that they don’t have all the answers are those that will create sustainable employment.?

I named my podcast “Hiding in Plain Sight” because that’s what my life experience has been. I’m not hiding anymore.?

I have created my motivational speaking and DEI consulting services to create the necessary change. I’m willing to show up to help you create change. I’m available for connecting calls to brainstorm how we can work together to ensure your position as an ally to those who need you to show up.