Discovering Role Models in the People Around Us

One of the standard questions that is asked as part of many interviews is - “Who is your role model and why?” Unfortunately, in majority of the cases, this question is asked in a mechanical manner (ticking the box question) and the response is also mechanically given, with no sincerity in wanting to emulate the person whom we claim to be our role model. More often than not, the answer is to cross the immediate hurdle of an interview or test, with no bearing on the role model making a difference in our lives.

However, increasingly there is evidence of the fact that role models do have a critical role to play in modelling our behaviour on theirs and being inspired by the way they live their lives.

During coaching assignments, I have had occasions when I could help facilitate change in the behaviour of a coachee, by getting the coachee to anchor the desired change to a role model that they look up to and consider worth emulating.

While it is understandable to have role models who are inspiring and aspirational, like Mahatma Gandhi, Mother Teresa or Barack Obama, in doing so, many of us tend to miss the wood for the trees. On the contrary we have so many people around us, from our daily lives, who are role models in their own right. Also, more importantly, such role models are not remote and inaccessible, but rather people we can directly experience in our daily lives and hence, emulate more readily.

One of my role models was my paternal grandmother. She was grit and endurance personified. I remember as if it happened yesterday. My brothers and I were enjoying our school summer holidays with our cousins in another town. Suddenly, an urgent summons came from home that our “Ammama” (one of the endearing Malayalam words for grandmother) had been hospitalized with a serious health condition. The situation was so critical that the Doctors informed us that it was highly unlikely that Ammama would survive the next 24 hours. I remember being confused and upset seeing my Ammama in the ICU with numerous wires and needles stuck to her body and various medical instruments beeping away as she lay unconscious, oblivious to the world and what was happening around her. To my young and uncomprehending eyes and ears, it was a strange and confusing scenario to see my vibrant Ammama in that state. I vaguely remember the elders in the family discussing that Ammama had a stroke and the Doctors had given their verdict that nothing more could be done medically and that she will not survive the next 24 hours.

Fast-forward two weeks and Ammama was back home, hale and hearty, with a slight decrease in her walking speed being the only indication that she had come out of a dire health condition, but otherwise none the worse for wear. The Doctors who had written her off, had no answer to her miraculous revival and they termed her recovery as a medical marvel. Ammama’s answer to the inevitable question on her miraculous revival would be, with a naughty twinkle in her eyes, “It was not yet my time to go”! Ever since, when I am faced with any dire and hopeless situation, I always remember to take courage from my Ammama and plod on, with the fervent belief that as she had, so too would I prevail. My Ammama is a role model for me to persevere and have a “never say die” attitude – in her case both literally and figuratively.

One of my coachees was brilliant at her job, but was a “terror” with her team and peers. This was so acute a “fatal flaw” that the management was even thinking of letting her go, in view of the trauma and turmoil caused to the team morale. As the coaching sessions progressed, during one of the sessions she mentioned that she looks up to another HOD, who while firm and very demanding in her expectations of business outcomes, was also extremely popular with her team. My coachee was a secret admirer of the HOD because she felt that the HOD was able to demand results (like the coachee), without being seen as a “terror” (unlike the coachee). We agreed that my coachee would meet with the “role model” HOD and understand her way of being firm but fair, thereby emulating the success of the inspiring, role model HOD. At the end of almost 9 months, there was a perceptible shift in the behaviour of my coachee and the 360-degree feedback indicated that her team, peers and Manager were beginning to experience the change in her. This transformation was possible only because my coachee had a directly accessible role model whom she could emulate to bring about the necessary transformation in her own behaviour.

In choosing a role model or suggesting a role model, we could consider the following –

1.????Values driven – a role model who demonstrates clear values driven behaviour, especially values that we hold dear.

2.????Inspiring and passionate – about the work and things that they hold dear. Making things happen kind of attitude, even in the worst of situations. Seeing and seeking opportunities in every challenge, especially in the emerging BANI (Brittle/ Anxious/ Non-linear/ Incomprehensible) post-covid world.

3.????Empathetic – a role model who is non-judgmental. Willing to step into the shoes of another person and understand people, their feelings, their circumstances and accepting them for who they are.

4.????Positive – always finding a silver lining in any given situation. Making the best of any given situation, seeking opportunities and solutions – always playing the role of a creator and not the victim of circumstances.

5.????Demonstrating a quality or behaviour that we are seeking – so that in the role model we find an inspiring person who we could emulate, to reach our desired state.

More importantly look for role models in and around us – our partners, grandparents, parents, siblings, relatives, friends, teachers, class mates, team mates, colleagues – in short people who are all around us, doing and demonstrating inspiring deeds, which could inspire us too to take after them and transform ourselves, especially in areas where we feel that we need to change and/or improve.