Discovering the Power of Being You
Finding Freedom from the Roles You Play
How often do you find yourself playing different roles during the course of the day? You know what it’s like. You’re with a group of people and want to feel accepted. So, you wear your friendly face and adapt your behaviour to fit in with everyone else. Or you’re in a meeting and nodding in agreement when, in reality, you’re holding a very different set of opinions. Does that sound familiar to you? Perhaps you’ve noticed someone you’re attracted to and desperately want to impress them. So, you search for the best way to present yourself and hope to catch their attention.
When you stop living your life based on what others think of you, your real life begins. At that moment, you will finally see the door of self-acceptance opened.
― Shannon L. Alder
It’s a legacy of our culture that we feel so insecure for so much of the time. In the face of all these insecurities, the knee-jerk reaction for many is to assume a role that disguises their fears and hides their anxieties. But all this pretending comes at a cost. It leads to deeper levels of anxiety because people are afraid that they’ll be exposed as fakes. It’s also very tiring to maintain the daily pretense. It’s as if we feel that we’re never good enough to be accepted for who we really are. So, we spend our entire lives looking out at the world from behind the protective screen of multiple identities. We wear masks to disguise our true identity. We hide ourselves from the world and hope that no one ever discovers the truth.
If you feel that this is not a great recipe for personal empowerment and self-expression – you’re absolutely right. And it’s a behaviour that easily becomes a habit, reinforced by the fear response and an instinctive reaction to conceal our insecurities.
You’ll never know who you are unless you shed who you pretend to be.
― Vironika Tugaleva
There’s a great deal of talk about authenticity these days, perhaps because it’s something that’s so obviously absent from most people’s everyday experience of life. That’s why it can be very helpful to pause for a moment and take a step back from whatever’s occupying your attention – and consider the people around you. It’s highly likely that they’re trapped in the same role-playing behaviour as yourself. That shouldn’t surprise you. It’s a fairly universal phenomenon today.
So, you can imagine how liberating it will feel when you take a deep breath and just let go of your anxieties, put aside the mask you’re wearing at this moment and allow yourself the space to breathe, relax and just enjoy being you. Try the feeling on for size. See how well it suits you for a whole minute. Do you think you might get used to this brand-new feeling of just being you? Whether anyone else notices that you’ve finally stepped away from the lifelong habit of pretending isn’t important. It’s the way that you feel that justifies this extraordinary act of letting go.
The greatest challenge in life is to be our own person and accept that being different is a blessing and not a curse. A person who knows who they are lives a simple life by eliminating from their orbit anything that does not align with his or her overriding purpose and values. A person must be selective with their time and energy because both of these elements of life are limited.
― Kilroy J. Oldster
Part of the problem with playing roles it that they usually represent some artificial version of ourselves that can never truly exist. We want to appear to be much closer to perfection than any human being can possibly be. We over-compensate for our inadequacies, convinced that the world is watching and passing judgement on everything we do. The fact is that people are far more concerned about their own collection of doubts, worries, fears and inadequacies than they are about yours.
The fact is that people probably won’t immediately notice the change in your behaviour but they will become aware of the shift in how you communicate. Once you dispense with the masks you used to wear, you’ll feel less afraid. It’s a step that favours a more confident attitude. You might feel more assertive and willing to share your views because you’re less sensitive about criticism or being wrong. You’ll certainly save yourself an enormous amount of energy.
The greatest act of courage is to be and to own all of who you are — without apology, without excuses, without masks to cover the truth of who you are.
― Debbie Ford
It’s also a completely painless exercise. You don’t have to invent a new personality to replace the fake ones you’ve been hiding behind. The effort is minimal. You simply discard the roles you’ve been playing and enjoy the new-found sense of freedom that flows from this incredibly empowering sense of letting go of everything that isn’t really you. Of course, any change in behaviour might feel a little strange at first. We’re creatures of habit that resist change – even when the change is very much in our favour. But, with a little bit of practice and a little more awareness, you can begin to enjoy a completely fresh and empowering way of experiencing your life – as you.
You might also discover that your needs and aspirations shift too. When you renounce the roles you’ve been playing, you open up new possibilities. Your real needs, often obscured by the fictional expression of pretending to be someone you are not, will finally have a chance to emerge and find an avenue to bring their benefits into your life.
Let’s celebrate today by discarding the roles you’ve been playing for too long and experience the power and freedom that flows naturally from being who you really are.
If you don't know who you truly are, you'll never know what you really want.
― Roy T. Bennett
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Greg Parry created The Wellness Foundation and the Cognitive Empowerment Programs specifically to help people master their stress, overcome their limitations and explore the power of their true potential.
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