Discovering Emotional Intelligence | Master Sales Series 10/12

The 10 Core Components of Emotional Intelligence

When it comes to emotional intelligence, I actually call it growing up. I remember I was working for a guy one day and I pulled some bonehead move. He looked at me and said, “When you’re ready to grow up, you’re going to be fantastic.” I was 32 years old. It was a tough pill to swallow. You know, one of the things about emotional intelligence is that you really need to be able to assess yourself and that is, coming up with a level of self-awareness. A lot of times we don’t want to do this. I struggled with this. The last thing I wanted to do was rip myself apart and start to figure out where I was screwed up. It’s a tough one. I read books and I listened to podcasts… at that time they were CD training series. In fact, cassette training series’, eight-track… Anyways, you get the picture. Old as dirt.

1. Self-Awareness & Self-Assessment

When I started to read and listen to those items. I learned from peoples’ comments on how to grow up. I started to understand self-awareness is a really important piece of the puzzle. In fact, at one point in time in my life I was going through a particularly rough patch, so I went to a psychologist. I sat down with the psychologist and, you know, they do their thing where they ask you these questions and get you to really speak about your feelings, and it’s uncomfortable. Then you realize maybe this, oh… And then you get the bill, and it’s super expensive. You’re like, “Wow, if I could just do this myself.”

Self-awareness is one of the first items when it comes to emotional intelligence. And it’s not… Listen, it’s not fun to rip yourself apart. When I listen to editions of the Conquer Local podcast or watch myself in other video recordings, I usually like to do it in private with a bottle of Bourbon and a box of Kleenex because tears and sobbing will ensue.  I will get drunk and throw stuff at the screen and ask myself why I look that way or why I said that. It’s not a pleasant experience to self-assess. It’s like looking in the mirror and you think, “What the hell is that? How did I eat something that turned out like that, that’s hanging off the side of my body like that?” You know, it’s tough. Society, all of the media, all the information that we consume that says that you should be Ryan Gosling. You should be that charming, that beautiful, women will love you. Self-assessment and self-awareness is a really important piece.

Now, it’s not just all about looks, folks. I’m not that shallow. It’s about really digging deep into yourself and understanding where you may have some weaknesses. And more recently, I have learned that self-assessment should include identifying your strengths. So, this is a bit of an upgrade from the last time I did this presentation. Self-assessment… at that time, I was just talking about finding the things that are screwed up in your life and fix them and you’re going to have a better life. What I’ve learned since, after reading the series on strength-based selling and strength-based leadership, is screw the things you’re bad at. Double down, and triple down, and quadruple down on the things you’re good at. In fact, take the stuff you’re bad at and hire somebody to do it. Don’t even try to be good at that stuff because you’re going to be mediocre at best.

So why not focus where you’re really good and just become the best in the world at that shit? Here’s my example. You’re a really good tennis player. You’re really good. You got a lot of people come to you say, “Hey, you could be the next big thing.” You’re like, “No, but I’m not very good at golf, or hockey, or table tennis, or body contact lawn darts, so I’m going to go over there and master all this other shit and then I’ll do a little bit of tennis over here because I’m pretty good at that.” That’s what I’m talking about. When you do self-assessment, it’s not always the negative piece where you need the bottle of Bourbon and the Kleenex. When you’re sitting there watching yourself do a presentation, or you’re listening to a presentation you’ve done, or maybe you gotta look at pictures of yourself because you’re a fashion model or something like that, you want to also look for the good things and then figure out ways to make those even better.

2. Open Mindedness

The first piece of emotional intelligence is the ability to take a look at yourself and do some assessment. Next up, you need to be open-minded. This is tough. What I’ve found with being open-minded is when you’re really driven, motivated, and you’ve got your plan and… Has anyone ever said this to you? “You are the most stubborn SOB I have ever met.” People have said that to me. Being driven and motivated and having a drive can also mean that you’re just friggin stubborn and you’re not interested in looking outside at other things. I have found that to be a good leader, to have people want to follow, and to lead a team, you have to be open-minded because there could be a great idea right there and you don’t want to miss out on it because you’re so damn bullheaded. So, open-mindedness is a really important piece of gathering that emotional intelligence.

3. Curiosity Towards Others

The next item is, and you’ve heard me talk about this quite a bit, be a student. It’s curiosity towards others. I like people. I really do. I like learning about people. I like meeting people. I like seeing what makes them tick. Sometimes I like learning what not to do from them. I like learning what to do from them. You need to really have curiosity towards other people. I think that that’s part of building a genuine connection with people because people can see bullshit coming a mile away. They’ll just look at you and say, “No, that’s not genuine.” That’s one thing I can’t stand either, people that say, “Oh, you look so fantastic” and I know I look like shit that day. Don’t tell me stuff like that. Be genuine with me. Say, “Ooh, you’re a little tired?” So, have that curiosity towards others and be genuine. Not grandiose or unauthentic.

4. Empathy

One of the most important pieces when it comes to emotional intelligence is empathy. Living your life in the other person’s shoes. One of the first times I ever heard about empathy was attending my very first Dale Carnegie course. It was in 1989. You know, the whole treat others as you would like to be treated.

You’re meeting a person and you know a deep dark secret about them which is that they’re going to die. You would treat them differently, right? If you knew that they were going to die the next day. So that’s that whole thing. Maybe not going that far, but when it comes to empathy, it’s really understanding where the other person is coming from.

I’ve had situations recently that taught me about this again. I said, “Oh, what’s their problem? They’re so dramatic. They’re overreacting”and then I dig into it. You need curiosity towards them and ask some questions. You will find out that they don’t feel very safe in their position. You need to take some time, and I’m super busy so that’s one of my big challenges, to take time with them. To draw from some personal experience and share with them. Ensuring you make time for the people that are important in your life. It could be family. It could be coworkers. I could be friends. I’m not talking about any one particular group, just saying that you need to have that empathy and try and live in their shoes for a day then I think you’re able to connect a little bit better. It definitely is one of the key components of emotional intelligence.

5. Accept That You Don’t Know Everything

This is a tough one, especially if you really like to be right all the time. I like to be right so accepting that you don’t know something, is a tough one, especially if you’re driving hard, you got all the answers, and you’re going to kick ass. In reality I don’t really have all the answers. It sucks. I’m almost 100 years old and I would think that after all these years, that I would have all the answers, but I don’t. In fact, every day that goes by, I realize how bloody stupid I am. I’ve realize, I’ve been very blessed to be able to travel all over this world, meet a lot of people, and learn a lot, in the last couple of years. So now, I go into every situation like I’m just dumb as sh*t and I want to learn. I want to learn as much as I can from all the people that are around me by accepting the fact that I don’t know.

I was educated in the Rosetown school system in the middle of Canada, where in winter you could freeze to death in less than 30 seconds if you’re not wearing proper clothing. I need some help. I need to continue to learn, and I need to accept that I don’t know, and I need to be seeking that knowledge.

6. Remove Toxic People from Your Life

This was a real tough one for me, but I believe it to be one of the things that changed my life. Removing toxic people from my life is tough. You have a group of people that you call your friends. By the way, friends is the most overused word in the English language, right up there with LOL... It’s used a lot! Are they really your friends or are they just somebody that pushed the button on Facebook? If your ‘friend’ brings any sort of negativity to your life and they don’t help you get to the goals that you have, that’s a toxic person. Sometimes those toxic people will be very close friends, or very close coworkers, or even family members. That is a tough gig, to remove those people. But I will tell you, removing toxic people from my life has been a game changer. What I said was, “I’m going to be positive. I’m going to move towards these goals. I’m going to do the impossible. I’m going to conquer, and I’m going to kick ass, and I’m going to travel the world and meet people, and help businesses, and help salespeople” and if you aren’t on that… Oh and, “And live healthy, and eat better, and go to the gym every morning, and wake up super early and listen to frigging podcasts.” If you’re not on that train, then I guess we’ll just have to meet again in another life. It’s not been easy. It’s been tough. I’ve had to say goodbye to a few people. Now, maybe they’re listening to my podcasts, and they go, “Oh, that’s why that guy’s never got back to me.” But it’s more of a, here’s where I want to go, here’s the things that I want to do. That thing over there does not get me towards those goals, so I’m going to remove it. Maybe it’s not just toxic people. Maybe it’s just anything toxic in your life that you decide to remove like, Red Bull. Sugar-free Red Bull. I got rid of that stuff and things got better.

7. Stop Lying to Yourself

Stop lying to yourself. This is the person that we lie the most to and this is the person that we shouldn’t ever lie to because it’s the person that should mean the most to us—ourselves. Yet, we lie to ourselves all the time. “No, I’m not fat in these jeans. No, I did a great job at work today. No, I was really nice to that person. No, I’m actually going to hit that goal. No, I’m saving enough money. No, I…” I could keep going on and on. A person very close to me once said, “You know, you are the person that justifies more than anyone in my…” I know lying to myself is one of my big problems because I am a sales guy. I’m supposed to take an objection and spin it around to show the good part about it. It’s a tough thing for a salesperson.

I’m in a fantastic relationship. I have to make this announcement. She’s going to be mad at me for doing this but I’m going to do it. Nance and I got engaged. We were in Thailand a couple of weeks ago. We got engaged, and that was one thing that I said when I met this woman, and we fell in love was, “I’m not going to lie to her, and I’m going to make sure that I’m going to stop lying to myself.” So, she’s holding me accountable. I think that part of emotional intelligence is holding yourself accountable on this. I try to, at least once a day, look in the mirror and say, “How are we doing?” You know, see how things are performing. It’s constantly measuring and removing that, “No, everything’s going great.” So, when things are shit, tell yourself it’s shit and fix it.

8. Expect Success

Expect success. Just expect it. You know Tony Robbins, I don’t like to talk about him all the time, but he has been a very important part of this thing that I’m building called George Leith. It’s a thing that actually I am manufacturing right in front of you.

This is one of his lines so I want to give credit for it, as it really struck me. He’s said, “I built this thing.” This thing is maybe his business, or maybe he’s talking about the entity, maybe he’s… Anyhow, he built that. The same way all of us could build what we have.

I’m actually sitting in a studio that I’ve sat in over the… let me think, how long have we’ve been doing this? We’ve been doing this 10 years, 15 years. The gentleman that I am talking to is our sound engineer, Mr. tBone, Brent Blazieko built this thing. He used to work at a local radio station, one of the top producers in the business and said, “No, I’m going to leave and do my own thing.” Now he’s producing for TV shows and producing for… you name it. He built this shit and the same thing is true of us. We can build this shit. Everyday we do it. We need to expect that success. If we take the proper emotional intelligence, we assess on a daily basis, we measure our progress, we have empathy for the people around us, and we stop lying to ourselves, then we should be able to see that progress of success.

9. Never Stop Starting

Never stop starting. I love this. I love this. Never stop starting. I just recently started on this thing and I didn’t even know it was going to be possible. Get this, last week I rode 25 miles in 90 minutes on the bike. After, I Googled that sh*t, and that’s good. In fact, for somebody who’s had a double hip replacement, that’s really good. I made a promise to myself when I got my hips replaced and got this second chance, I don’t want to just walk around, I want to do some cool stuff. Maybe I could even do an iron man. I don’t know... could be possible. Just try and do some stuff. I’m going to keep trying this biking thing. So, this morning, I was actually able to bike 27 miles in 90 minutes, and I think I can get to 30 by the end of the week, if there’s enough Red Bull! So, never stop starting means always have something new that you are trying to accomplish.

So, we’ve got these goals. Some people call them wildly-important goals, some call them big hairy audacious goals, but you have to have some sort of goal. Here’s the difference between a goal and a wish. A goal is something that you push for every day, and you measure your results, and you push to get to it. We need to be starting some things. Never stop starting. Even if the world kicks you in the teeth, you need to pick yourself up and start starting again.

10. Start Finishing

The last piece to this is, and is the thing that really has changed when I look back over the last six years is, and the one thing that I believe has made the biggest difference, I started finishing. I’ve had a lot of fun and I’ve had some success in the last six years but if I measure up all success I’ve had in the last six years now, the 24 years before that, were not that successful.

I was out for some drinks one day with a buddy of mine. We’ve known each other for quite some time and he said to me, “You know, you are probably one of the best starters I’ve ever met, but I don’t actually think you’ve finished anything.” Wow, you want to talk about getting kicked right square between the eyes. This guy just roundhouse kicked me right there. Not because he was trying to be an asshole, I actually thank him to this day for what he was saying. In 2018, some people would say, “Oh, that’s rude. He should not be interjecting into your life.” No, it’s actually called being a friend. We used to go to our friends for advice, not online for advice and he just offered it up, and I really appreciate it because he was right because I did start a lot of sh*t and never really finished any of it.

So, we want to start, but we want to measure up, and we want to finish. Now, the reason that we don’t finish is we don’t want to fail because failure is a really tough thing to accept. You know, it’s that whole thing, you’ve seen it, you’ve done it. We need to be starting, and we need to be finishing certain things and certain components. I have the privilege of working with people in sales organizations all over the world and there are some people that are crushing it. I have one young gentleman that I’ve been working with over the last four and a half years, earned double the money that he used to earn last year. In fact, it might even be closer to triple, he just crushed it. He had an amazing year and it was life-changing.

He walks around… I’m not talking he’s walking around arrogant, he’s just walking around that he can do pretty much anything. He’s figured out the formula for success. It doesn’t mean that the world isn’t going to kick him in the teeth because the world is not fair, we all know that. It’s a matter of, he’s just continues to start and he’s continuing to measure along the way. He knows where he wants to go. He expects success. He stopped lying to himself. He removed a bunch of toxic people from his life. He accepted that he didn’t have all the answers, and he’s listening to podcasts, and he’s reading books, and he’s constantly learning. He’s listening to his mentors. He has empathy towards the people that work around him. He has curiosity towards others. He’s self-aware. He’s open-minded, and he has been finishing. Interesting how that all works.

Conclusion

This is a bit of a formula for you. I didn’t write it, I stole it from a whole bunch of things that I read around emotional intelligence. I’ve tried to give you some stories, how I’ve applied it in my own life and how other people that I have close relationships with have applied it in theirs, for success. I hope that you’re able to use some of these items. We’re going to share this fabulous presentation that was put together by my good friend, Brian Larson. We will continue with the Master Sales Series. Listen to small little snippets while you’re doing your cardio, while you’re walking down the street to that big business meeting that’ll make you that little bit more aware and a little bit better in your journey to conquer. My name is George Leith. I’ll see you when I see you.