Discovering the Divine Blueprint for a Captivating Marriage

The Prophetic Pattern

When contemplating marriage know that attraction is purely an art?—?a beautiful tapestry woven between two souls. As Allah says in the Quran:

“And among His Signs is that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect.” [Ar-Rum 30:21]

This divine perspective on marriage still resonates deeply. It involves the coming together of two believers, each uniquely created by Allah, to form a bond that strengthens their faith and brings them closer to their Creator.

Commenting on this verse, Sheikh Abdur-Rahman as-Sa'di explains that?Allah has placed a special form of love and mercy between spouses that surpasses the love between other relations. This divine arrangement creates a unique harmony that cannot be replicated in any other relationship.

The Natural Laws of Attraction

As I observed more marriages and reflected on the teachings of our scholars, I realized Allah has created clear patterns in what makes a marriage thrive. Ibn al-Qayyim writes in Zad al-Ma’ad: “Marriage is among the greatest means to protect one’s faith, character, and well-being.” He emphasizes that successful marriages follow divine laws just as the physical universe follows natural laws.

The Prophet said: “A woman is married for four reasons: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty, and her religion. Choose the religious woman?—?may your hands be rubbed with dust!” (i.e. and be pleased) [Sahih al-Bukhari]

This hadith reveals that while people may be attracted to various qualities, the foundation of a lasting marriage is righteousness. Through careful observation and Islamic guidance, I’ve noticed two essential qualities that keep spouses devoted to each other:

The Two Pillars of Marital?Devotion

1. The spouse is fascinated 2. The spouse is fascinating

Having one without the other?—?or neither?—?will cause the marriage to weaken. Let’s examine each in detail through an Islamic lens.

Being Fascinated: The Rights of the?Spouse

The Prophet said: “The best of you are those who are best to their wives, and I am the best of you to my wives.” [At-Tirmidhi]

The marriage flourishes when a spouse feels they are the object of their partner’s genuine care and attention. What does this look like in practice?

1. Consistent Pursuit of the Relationship Ibn al-Qayyim notes that the heart grows with attention and withers with neglect. The Prophet would always show kindness and consideration to his wives, even in small matters. He would drink from the same spot his wife Aisha had drunk from, showing his deep affection through simple gestures.

2. Genuine Interest in Their Well-being The Prophet would ask his wives about their day, their concerns, and their thoughts. He showed true interest in their lives and perspectives. As Sheikh as-Sa’di explains, this demonstrates that marriage is not merely a physical union but a meeting of minds and souls.

3. Striving to Please Them Within Islamic Bounds Allah says: “And live with them in kindness.” [An-Nisa 4:19]

This verse establishes the foundation of marital interactions. The Prophet would help his wives with household chores, demonstrate patience with their needs, and show appreciation for their efforts.

4. Expressing Admiration Appropriately The Prophet would openly express his love for Khadijah even after her passing, demonstrating that expressing admiration for one’s spouse is a virtuous act when done appropriately.

Being Fascinating: The Character of Excellence

Allah says: “Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you.” [Al-Hujurat 49:13]

A spouse who maintains their excellence in faith and character naturally draws admiration. This involves:

1. Continuous Learning and Growth The Prophet said: “Seeking knowledge is obligatory upon every Muslim.” [Ibn Majah]

A fascinating spouse is one who:

- Regularly studies and implements Islamic knowledge - Develops beneficial skills and wisdom - Stays curious about the world Allah has created

2. Strong Values and Implementation Sheikh as-Sa’di emphasizes that one’s actions should reflect one's beliefs. A fascinating spouse:

- Maintains regular prayers and worship - Demonstrates honesty and integrity - Shows consistency between words and actions

3. Maintaining Meaningful Relationships The Prophet emphasized maintaining family ties and good relations with others. A spouse should:

- Honor their parents and family - Maintain good relations with relatives - Build positive community connections

4. Physical and Spiritual Health The Prophet said: “A strong believer is better and more beloved to Allah than a weak believer.” [Muslim]

This includes:

- Maintaining physical health through proper diet and exercise - Protecting one’s spiritual health through regular worship - Balancing worldly and religious obligations

5. Purposeful Living Ibn al-Qayyim writes that the most beneficial life is lived in service of Allah and His creation. A fascinating spouse:

- Has clear goals aligned with Islamic values - Contributes positively to society - Balances different aspects of life effectively

The Integration of Both Qualities

When both spouses maintain these qualities?—?being both fascinated and fascinating?—?the marriage becomes a source of mutual growth and satisfaction. As Sheikh as-Sa’di explains, This creates an upward spiral where each spouse’s excellence encourages the other’s development.

When viewed through an Islamic lens, the science of attraction in marriage reveals Allah’s perfect wisdom in creating spouses as sources of comfort for each other. The Prophet said: “When Allah wants good for a household, He puts kindness in them.” [Ahmad]

This kindness manifests through both fascination with one’s spouse and maintaining one’s fascinating qualities. When both elements are present, marriages flourish and become sources of blessing not just for the couple but for the entire community.

As we seek marriage or work to improve our existing marriages, let’s remember that the best examples come from our Prophet and his companions. Their lives demonstrate that successful marriages require both active appreciation of our spouses and continuous self-improvement in pursuit of Allah’s pleasure.

May Allah grant us all marriages that serve as sources of peace, growth, and means of drawing closer to Him. Ameen.