Discovering Authenticity Through Harmonious Engagement: The Mirror of Conflict
The Unveiling Power of Conflict
Conflict is an inevitable part of human interaction. It is during these moments of tension and disagreement, an individual's true essence is revealed. When everything is smooth, it is easy to present a composed and agreeable fa?ade; however, it is in the heat of conflict when desires clash and expectations are unmet, that the veil lifts, showing who people truly are.?
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In these moments, we see beyond the surface. Initial reactions to conflict could be: defensiveness, aggression, calmness, desire to understand, compassion and/or problem-solving. These reactions offer profound insights into a person’s character. It is in the way they handle not getting what they want, how they respond to opposing viewpoints, and their ability to humbly admit mistakes, that we glimpse their true selves.?
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A True Test of Relationships
To truly understand someone, it is important to observe them in times of conflict. How do they behave when their wishes are thwarted? Do they lash out or retreat? Do they seek common ground or cling to their stance? These behaviours reveal how much they value and respect us and their care or willingness to nurture the relationship. I like the saying, ‘When people show you who they are, believe them.’ It resonates deeply here. Sometimes, we tend to resist this truth because it requires us to adjust our perceptions and let go of a particular image or story we have created in our minds. Accepting reality over our cherished illusions is challenging, however, it is an essential step in fostering genuine connections.?
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Earned Trust and Love
Trust and love are not instant gifts that are bestowed upon a person when meeting them. They are precious bonds that must be earned. True affection and trust grow from consistent actions that demonstrate respect, care, honesty and reciprocity. We allow ourselves to make a conscious decision to develop emotions for those who have proven, over time, that they value us and are willing to invest in a reciprocal relationship. It is a gradual process of give and take.?
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Key Behaviours to Observe
During times of disagreements, paying attention to specific behaviours can reveal much about the person:
How do they handle being wrong? Do they tend to continuously justify their actions or humbly admit a mistake??
2. Receiving feedback
How open to and humble are they when they receive constructive feedback?
3. Connection during a disagreement
Do they still strive to maintain a connection even when opinions diverge? Do they still care about us or do they get clouded by what’s happening??
4. Willingness to compromise
Are they open to finding a middle ground or rigidly adhering to their comfort zone?
5. Intensity in proving a point
How intense is their energy when trying to explain their viewpoint?
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These behaviours provide invaluable insights into their character and the relationship's potential longevity.
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The Deeper Insights: Money and Travel
I believe that, knowing someone is not truly knowing them until we experience various situations with them and observe how they handle themselves. Disagreement is one revealing aspect. Equally telling are money and travel.
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Money often brings out some of the person’s core values, exposing generosity, selfishness and trustworthiness. How someone handles financial matters can reveal part of their true nature – whether they are considerate, fair or self-centred. It is in these interactions that the subtleties of their character emerge, showing how they value fairness and integrity.?
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Travelling with someone offers another profound glimpse into their personality. The mix of excitement and stress, the need for adaptability, and the closeness of shared experiences expose how considerate, adaptable and respectful someone is. Observing how they respond to unexpected challenges, how they accommodate our needs, and how they communicate their own, reveals their true disposition.?
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In my view, it’s in these prolonged, intimate interactions that we truly get to know someone. We notice their micro-expressions, feel their energy and understand their priorities and values. It’s through these experiences that we build a comprehensive picture of who they are, beyond the fa?ade presented in everyday, conflict-free interactions. These moments offer an invaluable opportunity to deepen our understanding and strengthen our bonds, making our relationships richer and more authentic.
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Cultivating Skills for Healthy Conflict Resolution
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To maintain happy, healthy, fulfilling and loving relationships through times of disagreements, it is essential to develop some key attitudes and skills:
Approach disagreements with humbleness and openness.?
2. Listening with a warm heart and open mind
Hear the other person’s perspective with empathy and an open mind.
3. Softening expressions and tone
Be mindful of having gentle facial expressions, eye contact and a calm voice.
4. Agreeing on a conflict resolution method
Establish mutual strategies for handling disagreements, such as taking breaks, giving space, or having difficult conversations. Whatever both parties agree on and find comfortable is important.?
5. Activating compassion
Bring our compassion to the forefront, genuinely understanding the other person’s feelings and needs.?
6. Accommodating intention
Enter the conversation with the intention that it is ‘US’ trying to work something out, instead of ‘My view.’
7. Reminding ourselves how much we love the other person
Having this clear in our hearts and minds will soften the conversation while we try to explain our point. Sometimes, it is good to remind ourselves of the respect and love we owe the other person and not let the disagreement affect this.?
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Building Bridges through Disagreement
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As Jordan Peterson, the Canadian psychologist says, ‘a conflict delayed, is a conflict multiplied.’ However, it is okay to delay a conflict if both parties agree that this is a method of dealing with it for instance. While denying it entirely, consciously or unconsciously will only exacerbate the issue. The more we practise these skills, the more they become an integral part of who we are. Embracing a disagreement with a warm heart and open mind transforms it into an opportunity for deeper understanding and connection. Through compassionate listening, gentle expressions and sincere efforts to find common ground, we cultivate harmonious connections that offer a chance to build stronger and more authentic bonds.?
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For our relationships to flourish sometimes we need to ask upfront questions and engage in difficult conversations. Remember, it is not about resolving the disagreement, but the attitude we bring to these situations. The way a person handles such moments reveals much about their personality, offering a true reflection of who they are. Thus, disagreement becomes a mirror, reflecting the true selves of those involved and offering a chance to build stronger and more authentic bonds.?