'Discover Your Truth:' The 3 qualities of highly emotionally intelligent leaders- #youth4good article 31 by Lali Wiratunga

"In a gentle way you can shake the world, Mahatma Gandhi"

If you close your eyes and imagine great leadership in action, what do you see? I'm visualising the people who inspire others, the ones who change lives and the ones who can make a positive impact on the world. It is true that their list of traits includes attitude, energy, vision, the ability to make tough decisions and deliver on a promise. In this #youth4good article however, I will explore three other often undervalued qualities of highly emotionally intelligent leaders that bring us closer to our humanity, each other and potentially help us understand the meaning of life. Generosity of spirit, empathy and humility, are noble qualities that ground us in our intrinsic value as human beings and I explore these through three stories of leaders who have left a lasting impression on my life. 

Quality 1. Generosity of spirit

As I write, Sydney is in bloom with the violet flowers of the jacaranda tree breathing new life into the city. The generously laid carpets of distinctive violet flowers against grey pavements remind me of my grandmother, Violet.

My Nana, Violet was a generous spirit who provided strong foundations for her family and the community. Nana Violet was one of four sisters, she lost her mother and father early in her teens and was looked after by her older siblings from her father's previous marriage. There were hardships she would have endured in these early days, but being stoic, she rarely spoke of these. During her adult life in her home country of Sri Lanka, she wore many public hats: committee member for St. John's Ambulance, charity fundraiser and she even learned braille so she could help the blind and visually impaired. When she moved to the UK in her later years, she became a primary school teacher in London's East End in the 1960s/70s. There she helped provide a generation of Eastenders with a broader perspective, shaped by her diverse experiences from the other side of the world. After her retirement, by which time I was a child, Violet served our community by working at a local charity store. I have fond memories of spending time with her in the store.

My grandmother Violet brought me up and, always the teacher, provided well-being lessons that I only fully appreciate years after her passing. For example, when I was a young boy she taught me to maintain my composure and, rather than fighting bullies who teased me with their racist taunts, to practice equanimity when facing difficult times. That lesson is a gift that keeps on giving to this day.

Most importantly, the wise, playful and sometimes mischievous silver-haired Nana Violet that I recall, gave me the understanding that in this life, true happiness comes from service to others. She practised mettā, a type of meditation that gradually extends the wish for well-being happiness to all beings. Research shows that this type of meditation has a tremendous amount of benefits ranging from improving well-being, to giving relief from illness and improving emotional intelligence.

Generosity of spirit, a willingness to share our own 'gifts' with others, is the heart and foundation of a great leader. 

Quality 2. Empathy

My hero is an empathetic plastic surgeon.

Six years ago my wife, Dr Sacha Ruberu, and I visited the Cleft Palate Clinic at Westmead Children's Hospital, filled with trepidation, holding our three-month old son Lucas. He was going in for unilateral cleft lip reconstruction.

Lucas' diagnosis of a cleft lip was established moments after his birth. I'm the non-medically trained person in our relationship and did not have the opportunity to assimilate the information and certainly, neither of us had time to mentally prepare. The passage into what we had conceived of as an idealised introduction to family life for Lucas was transformed into a difficult and emotionally charged event.

The night Lucas was born, I returned home to look after his 3-year-old sister, Aleena. Once she was soundly asleep, I began to process the news of Lucas' cleft lip, still in a state of shock. In truth, the appellation "cleft lip" was new to me. I knew the anomaly as a "harelip", and it was a term that made me recall people with hypernasal speech, facial scars and who lived with the risk of being teased by the crueller elements of society. The information received by the obstetrician when Lucas was born was now a blur - I vaguely recalled it was, in the moment, reassuring.

However, that evening, the feeling of being reassured left me after a session with Dr Google where I searched for information on cleft conditions and treatments.

The next morning, sense and equanimity prevailed after recalling the lessons from my Nana Violet. I called CleftPALS NSW, a volunteer non-profit organisation that provided good quality information and support on the treatment in store for Lucas.

My sense of wellbeing and hope for Lucas was buoyed further when the next week, my wife and I met Dr. Peter Hayward, head of the team at the Cleft Palate Clinic at the Children's Hospital at Westmead. Dr. Hayward was amazing. He clearly realised that whilst his patient was Lucas, his job was to work with the parents and keep them reassured. He maintained the delicate balance between empathy and emotional detachment. He helped us to see that Lucas' cleft was part of his essence and gave us confidence in the future. For the three months that passed before Lucas' surgery, this confidence remained thanks to Dr Hayward's approach.

Lucas cleft lip reconstruction at three months old was successful. Lucas's future is bright thanks to many people who have helped him - notably Dr. Hayward. When we meet him annually, for Lucas' check-ups, we give him a warm hug and tell him how grateful we are for his gift of Lucas' smile.

Surgeons and medical staff including Dr. Hayward turn their empathy into action by helping rebuild lives across Asia Pacific. They volunteer to provide life-changing surgery and medical training for Interplast. The legacy of their empathy and deft surgical skills - a sea of smiles stretching from Sydney to beyond our borders.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IS0WDicgNtw

The people we meet, the empathy we convey, the chances we create for others defines each of us.

Quality 3. Humility

Lucas’ surgery was the catalyst for finding my “why” and since then I have chosen to support other empathetic leaders, community builders and change makers.

One of the organisations I support is the Raise Foundation, whose mission is to impact the wellbeing of young people at risk of disengagement in Australia, through best practice mentoring programs.

Raise was started by Vicki Condon, who wanted so much to do something important to realise a vision to create thriving communities by empowering young people to become resilient, capable and connected that she left her role in the corporate world and took the first step by retrained as a youth counsellor. As Vicki said in a recent media interview on founding Raise nine years ago it was something she was compelled to do, “after years of working and volunteering in youth conselling roles and not feeling like I was having enough impact or reaching enough young people, I went to Byron Bay for a week and wrote a business plan. But when I got home I had a crisis of confidence, thinking ‘Australia has enough charities’, and I put the plan on hold. Then the beautiful son of my close friend committed suicide, and that’s when I decided to start." 

Now, Raise runs 76 programs in schools across NSW, Queensland and Victoria - as well as 10 Bump programs for young mums. Vicki and Raise aim to recruit 1000 new mentors for next year, and I urge people to visit the Raise website to register their interest.

As mentors, we are in a position to be one of the few people in the life of a young mentees who can play a role in helping make it better by providing a neutral and positive sounding board. This possibility is thanks to Vicki's actions to establish and work tirelessly with her team to help grow the reach and impact of the Raise Foundation.

Vicki shows the courage of heart to undertake the difficult tasks of running a community organisation and graciously accepts the sacrifices involved. She gives credit where credit is due to her team and partners. She does not seek personal award and has an absence of ego. This to me is her humility in action.

Three immediate benefits for Vicki of humility:

• It becomes the thread between her passion for youth mentoring and skill as a leader,
• It gives her the capacity to lead out of a position of strength, and
• It gives her the courage to set aside personal gain for the good of others.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7x35t307HVo&list=UUOeM2EngRy_RsXLJPYeklnw

"True humility is bringing light for others"

4. Discovering your truth with generosity of spirit, empathy and humility

Cultures that place a premium on the qualities of generosity of spirit, empathy and humility are healthier as they are softwiring towards being people and customer-centric.

My hope is that three stories serve to inspire you, to propel you to consider and transform the way you perceive your own capabilities as a leader.

Inspiration may sometimes be overlooked for its transformative power because of its elusive nature.

So to help you to consider the possibility of becoming that leader who inspires others, change lives and makes a positive impact on the world, I ask you to imagine if collectively we were to focus on:

• asking the question “how can we harness our strengths, interests and passions to create greater value for all?
• achieving positive change in society as opposed to just servicing our individual needs
• creating the conditions for others in our society to flourish.

Imagine, what an opportunity that would be.

Imagine, if we turned ideas into actions and started now, so all beings may be happy.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I hope you enjoy this #youth4good article and if it resonates please do share with your community and networks.

About the author

"Connect, collaborate and create a place your future self will be proud of." 

Lali Wiratunga is an advocate for the role of innovation, creativity and entrepreneurship to help individuals and organisations deliver social impact, and to be financially sustainable. Lali is a mentor for emerging leaders and cares deeply about helping young people realise their potential. 

In 2016, Lali was recognised in Pro Bono Australia's Impact 25, an award that recognises leaders in the social economy.

Linkedin: https://www.dhirubhai.net/in/laliwiratunga/

Twitter: @laliwiratunga 

Website: www.davidsoninstitute.edu.au