Discover the Right Attitude to Find More Peace in Your Life

After talking to many of you, the message is clear. You want peace, you’ve been searching for peace, but you just don’t know how to get it.

I’ve got you. Look, you know how good and necessary your peace is, not only for your own life but also for the lives of the people you care about. It’s essential for your world to be calmer, more clear-thinking, patient, content, and compassionate, and less frazzled, frantic, and messy.

But how do you get more peace?

The first and most important thing you need to know is that it’s an inside job. The way most of the world looks for peace—“I’ll be peaceful when…”—just doesn’t cut it.

Do you see the problem with this? “Peaceful when…” means we’re always looking for peace that is conditional and in the future. You’re never able to be peaceful with the way things are right now.

So this whole game is about learning to be at peace with your life in the midst of the messy, the confusing, the unfinished, the uncertain, the challenges, and the problems.

Alrighty?

Once you realise that, choosing peace becomes a lot simpler!

There are some very fine tools for peace, to be sure. Any kind of meditation and mindfulness practice is a grand thing–Ascension meditation is my favourite. Journalling. Counselling and coaching perhaps. Avail yourself of these. A regular practice is, I believe, essential.

What we’ll be discussing here is not so much the tools, but the right attitudes for peace. And, the flip side of that—the things you can stop doing that prevent you from having peace.

Let’s get stuck in. We’ll look at four steps in your path to finding peace:

Step 1: Understanding the Right Attitude for Peace

Step 2: Understand that It’s Easy to Take These for Granted (So Don’t)

Step 3: Understand There Are Things You Can Also Stop Doing

Step 4: What Will Help Integrate These Into Your Life?

Don’t be put off—I wrote all this in bullet-point style, thinking it would be easier to digest. Let’s have a look.

Step 1: Understanding the Right Attitude for Peace

The right attitude is like magic. It helps you stay calm and happy even when life doesn’t look the way you want it to.

Here are the key components:

Gratitude

Effect: Shifts focus from what's lacking to what's abundant.

How It Works: Regularly recognising and appreciating the positives in your life builds a sense of contentment and reduces feelings of envy or dissatisfaction. When you start your day with gratitude, you set a positive tone that carries through all your activities, helping you remain centred and peaceful.

How to Do It: Simply be thankful for what you have. Start each day by thinking of three things you're grateful for, or that you simply approve of. It could be something small, like a warm cup of coffee, or something big, like a loving family. Gratitude shifts your focus from what's missing to what's already here, from what you don’t have to what you do.

Positivity

Effect: Encourages a hopeful and constructive outlook.

How It Works: Focusing on the good aspects of situations and expecting positive outcomes reduces your stress and increases your resilience against challenges. By maintaining a positive attitude, you can navigate difficulties with optimism, helping you stay calm and composed.

How to Do It: Focus on the glass half full—the good—in every situation. Life throws some curveballs, but finding the silver lining helps you stay upward-spiraling. When faced with a challenge, ask yourself, "What can I learn from this?" or "How can this make me stronger?” Or simply tell yourself, “This is happening for me.” Positivity isn’t about ignoring problems, but about seeing clearly the controllables and the opportunities within them.

Acceptance

Effect: Reduces internal resistance and frustration.

How It Works: Embracing things as they are, rather than how you wish they were, helps to conserve emotional energy and gives you inner calm. Acceptance means you stop fighting what you can’t control. It allows you to let go of unnecessary stress and focus on what you can control, fostering peace.

How to Do It: Embrace what you can’t change. Fighting against the undeniable facts of reality only drains your energy. Acceptance doesn’t mean you give up; it means you acknowledge reality and then decide how to respond. It's the difference between saying, "This is unfair" and “Okay. This is happening. What can I do next?”

Patience

Effect: Prevents frustration and impulsive reactions.

How It Works: Allowing time for situations to unfold naturally, and giving yourself and others the space to grow, means you’re calm with the progression of things in their own timeline, not yours. Patience helps you respond to life's challenges with a calm and measured approach, avoiding the turbulence that comes with impatience.

How to Do It: Give yourself time to grow and learn. Everyone makes mistakes. Be gentle with yourself. Understand that growth is a process, and it’s okay to stumble along the way. Give other people and things time and space to move and transform too. Understand that you don’t control everything. Have the patience to focus on what you can. When you practice patience, you’re less likely to get frustrated and more likely to stay focused on your goals.

Innocence, Free of Expectation

Effect: Cultivates a sense of openness and wonder.

How It Works: Approaching life with innocence, free of expectation, allows you to experience the world with fresh eyes, much like a child discovering something new. This attitude helps you let go of preconceived notions and judgments, reducing disappointment and frustration when things don’t go as planned. By being open to whatever unfolds, you create space for joy and curiosity, and you become more adaptable and resilient in the face of life's uncertainties.

How to Do It: Practice entering situations without any fixed expectations. Before starting your day or a new task, take a moment to clear your mind of any assumptions or anticipated outcomes. Approach experiences with a sense of curiosity, as if you’re seeing or doing something for the first time. Let go of the need for things to turn out a certain way, and instead, embrace whatever comes your way with an open heart and mind. This shift in perspective will allow you to fully engage with life’s moments, appreciating them for what they are rather than what you think they should be.

Compassion

Effect: Fosters empathy and understanding, thereby reducing conflict.

How It Works: Being kind and understanding towards yourself and others builds strong, supportive relationships and promotes a peaceful mindset. Compassion helps you move beyond narrow-minded assumptions and expectations regarding others. It helps you connect with others on a deeper level, creating an environment of mutual respect and harmony.

How to Do It: The Ishayas say compassion has two parts: love and wisdom. So, be kind to yourself and others. Don’t project your assumptions, expectations, or worldview on another: “How do they see the world?” And wisdom: “What do they need right now?” “What would be of the greatest good for them, right now?” Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer a friend. Self-compassion means recognising your own suffering and responding with care and support rather than criticism. Extending this kindness to others also builds stronger, more empathetic relationships.

Present Moment Awareness

Effect: Enhances focus and reduces anxiety.

How It Works: Living in the present moment helps prevent worries about the past or future, allowing you to fully experience and enjoy life as it happens. Present moment awareness grounds you in the here and now, making it easier to handle stress and maintain a sense of peace.

How to Do It: Present moment awareness is about focusing on the here and now. It involves being fully engaged with what you are doing at any given moment, and what you can control right now, without being distracted by past regrets or future worries. Be aware of any mind movement into the past or the future. Come back to now. This awareness helps reduce stress, enhances enjoyment, and promotes a sense of calm and clarity. By practicing present moment awareness, you can experience life more fully and respond to situations with greater mindfulness and intention.

Thoughts Are Not Facts

Effect: Frees you from unnecessary stress and anxiety.

How It Works: Recognising that thoughts are not facts helps you distance yourself from negative and unhelpful thoughts. This mental shift allows you to see your thoughts as temporary mental events rather than absolute truths. By not automatically believing every thought, you save yourself from unnecessary stress and anxiety and make clearer, more rational decisions. This attitude promotes emotional resilience and a sense of calm, as you no longer feel controlled by every thought that crosses your mind.

How to Do It: Start by observing your thoughts without judgment. When a thought arises, ask yourself, "Is this thought a fact, or is it just my mind creating a story?" Challenge negative thoughts by questioning their validity and considering alternative, more positive perspectives. Practice mindfulness meditation, such as Ascension, to help you become more aware of your thoughts and to cultivate a non-reactive mindset. Over time, regularly questioning and reframing your thoughts will help you internalise the understanding that thoughts are not facts, leading to greater peace and emotional stability.

Step 2: Understand that It’s Easy to Take These for Granted (So Don’t)

The Hidden Power of Attitude: Why You Shouldn’t Underrate These Key Ingredients for Peace

It’s easy to dismiss concepts like gratitude and compassion as clichés. But doing so can be a major barrier to finding true peace. These attitudes aren’t just feel-good words; they are powerful tools that can transform your life. Here’s why you should take them seriously:

Gratitude: More Than a Buzzword

Impact: Scientific studies show that practicing gratitude can increase happiness and reduce depression. It shifts your focus from negative aspects to positive ones, fundamentally changing your outlook on life.

Reality Check: Think about the times when you've felt genuinely thankful. Those moments of gratitude aren’t just fleeting feelings; they build a foundation of positivity that can withstand life’s challenges. Think about all the times you were lost in everything that was wrong or missing from life. In this moment, with clear eyes, how much do you have that you can approve of? How much do you take for granted that you would sorely miss if it were no longer here? You’ll see you have so much more than you realise.

Positivity: Not Just Blind Optimism

Impact: Positivity helps you bounce back from setbacks and keeps you motivated. It’s about seeing opportunities where others see obstacles.

Reality Check: Reflect on past difficulties. When you approached them with a positive mindset, weren’t you more resilient and effective in overcoming them?

Acceptance: The Key to Inner Peace

Impact: Acceptance reduces stress and anxiety by helping you let go of what you can’t control. It’s about making peace with reality—with what is.

Reality Check: Consider how much energy you waste fighting things you cannot change. Imagine redirecting that energy toward things you can improve.

Patience: Your Secret Weapon

Impact: Patience allows you to handle life’s frustrations with grace. It’s crucial for long-term success and well-being.

Reality Check: Remember the times when impatience led to mistakes or unnecessary frustrations and regrets. Patience, on the other hand, leads to better decisions and outcomes.

Innocence: Having Fresh Eyes

Impact: Embracing innocence allows you to experience life with fresh eyes, reducing disappointment and enhancing joy. It fosters adaptability and a deeper connection to the reality of the present moment.

Reality Check: Recall times when you approached situations without expectations. Those moments likely felt more genuine and fulfilling, as you were open to whatever came your way. This mindset encourages natural curiosity and contentment, helping you navigate life’s surprises with grace. On the other hand, “Should” and “Should not”—when not met—always lead to suffering.

Compassion: More Than Kindness

Impact: Compassion strengthens your relationship with yourself and others. It enhances emotional health and creates a supportive environment both for you and those around you.

Reality Check: Think of a time when someone showed you compassion. It likely had a lasting impact on your mood and outlook. Your own compassion has the same effect on others.

Present Moment Awareness: The Essence of Mindfulness

Impact: Being present reduces anxiety and enhances enjoyment of life. It prevents you from getting lost in worries about the past or future.

Reality Check: Recall moments of intense focus and presence. Those are often the most fulfilling and least stressful times. All Flow experiences involve present-moment focus. If you want more Flow, practice focus.

Thoughts Are Not Facts: A Game-Changer

Impact: Understanding that thoughts are not facts dramatically reduces stress and anxiety. By recognising this, you free yourself from the automatic acceptance of negative and unhelpful thoughts. This mental shift leads to better emotional resilience, improved mental clarity, and more rational decision-making.

Reality Check: Reflect on moments when you believed a negative thought and later realised it wasn't true. Those instances show how much power you give to your thoughts. By seeing them as mere mental events rather than facts, you create a foundation of mental freedom that helps you navigate life’s challenges with a calmer, more balanced mindset.

Why You Can’t Afford to Ignore These Attitudes

Ignoring these attitudes means missing out on their transformative power. They are not just abstract ideas but practical tools that, when applied, can significantly improve your mental, emotional, and spiritual health, relationships, and overall life satisfaction.

Don’t underestimate the power of these attitudes. They are not just clichés; they are the bedrock of a peaceful and fulfilling life. Start integrating them today, and experience the profound difference they can make. Your journey to lasting peace begins with these simple yet powerful attitudes.

Step 3: Understand There Are Things You Can Also Stop Doing

Alright! Last of all.

Moving toward what helps is very useful. But recognise that you also can move away from what’s causing the problem—a lack of peace—in the first place too.

Now—I get there’s a bunch of things here to stop doing—and you already have a list a mile long—so please don’t be burdened by this or see it as further proof of any personal failing.

I’ll explain more after, but maybe this is best seen as a way of spotlighting when you’re being the person you don’t want to be so you can slowly yet surely be the one you want, and know you can be.

So, pay attention when you find yourself doing any of the following, and see if you can change it around:

• Complaining: Focus on solutions instead of problems.
• Holding Grudges: Let go of past hurts and practice forgiveness.
• Overthinking: Avoid getting caught up in negative thought loops.
• Comparing: Stop comparing yourself to others and appreciate your own journey.
• Blaming: Take responsibility for your actions instead of blaming others.
• Resisting Change: Embrace change as a natural part of life.
• Judging: Avoid making harsh judgments about yourself and others.
• Expectation: Be fresh, open, and curious instead. If you have an expectation, be sure to state it clearly.
• Chasing Perfection: Accept that imperfection is a part of being human.
• Living in the Past or Future: Focus on the present moment.
• Negative Self-Talk: Replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations.
• Overcommitting: Learn to say no and prioritise your well-being.
• Isolating Yourself: Reach out for support and connect with others.
• Procrastinating: Take action instead of putting things off.
• Seeking External Validation: Find self-worth from within rather than relying on others' approval.
• Neglecting Self-Care: Prioritise activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul.

There’s a lot there to watch out for, isn’t there? Again, please don’t make this a stick to punish yourself—that is not so peaceful, nor is it a lot of fun.

Treat this like one big game. See if you can notice when these things come into your life and in that mindful awareness, change it up. Practice something that feels better. Slowly and surely, peace and positivity will overcome any other habit you’ve picked up along the way–and that’s what these are, just unconscious habits.

You’re becoming more conscious and mindful, which is a fine thing. I get it might not always be comfortable, but it is worthwhile.

Step 4: What Will Help Integrate These Into Your Life?

Here are a few ideas on integrating these concepts more meaningfully:

Start Small: Begin with one attitude, like gratitude. Keep a daily journal and note three things you’re grateful for each day.

Be Consistent: Consistency is key. These attitudes should be practiced daily, not just when you feel like it. Keep the intention alive.

Reflect Regularly: Take time each week to reflect on how these attitudes are impacting your life. Notice the changes in your stress levels, mood, and interactions with others.

Seek Support: Engage with communities or friends who also value these attitudes. Support each other in maintaining these practices.

Be Patient with Yourself: Change takes time. Be patient with yourself as you work to integrate these attitudes into your daily life.

Keep Your Energy High: This all will be easier when you’re well-rested. Do your best to look after yourself. You can’t look after anyone else if you’re empty—so it’s not selfish.

In all, I think finding peace all boils down to a commitment to being more calm, positive, and upward-spiraling in thought, word, and deed. To leave the moment better than what you found it.

I think the more you begin doing this, the more you’ll see how positivity and peace are their own reward. Every level of your system will feel the “nutrition” of peace and calm and a focus on the good. Feeling good feels good, right? Being less stressed and frazzled feels good. Working on yourself and being the person you know you are, deep down, feels good.

There are some fine attitudes and practices for sure. Things to focus on, things to play with, and these are very useful to keep in mind. But with the intention of peace and positivity, there’s not a lot you need to watch for. You don’t need a checklist, really. Feel your way into what feels most expansive in each moment. See how you can make your interaction with the present moment better, more uplifting. What’s most contributing to your peace, right now?

Play and explore. What works? What doesn’t? Most of all, enjoy!