Discover The Real Reason Why Nagging Is So Ineffective As A Communication Style

Why is it so many parents and partners get caught in the trap of ’nagging’ even though it obviously doesn’t work?

How is it that so many Managers and Team Leaders fall into the same trap?

Research shows that 95%of us are habitual thinkers.?We speak or act without conscious thought.?As a result situations and other people can trigger a reaction which often appears to be disproportionate to the situation.?In reality it is rarely that specific situation or comment which is the cause of the fall out, but a triggered reaction to a situation or relationship from the past which has far more power.?A critical or nagging parent or teacher, a toxic relationship or a difficult situation.?

The result is often extremely negative. Before any rational thought takes place the trigger sets off a chain reaction – there is an immediate emotional response which in turn drives specific behaviours and language.?This often triggers a reaction from the person on the receiving end, the situation quickly deteriorates and before you know it an argument ensues or someone gets upset, angry or frustrated.?

Enlightened leaders recognise that they have the power to change their habitual thinking – they are mindful of the impact their words, tone, body language and actions (or lack of them) have on others.?They take radical responsibility for everything they say or do and how it is done, they deal with things in a way which models positive behaviours.

They?have learned to manage their own emotional state before dealing with the issue and deal with things in a conscious way.?They confront the issue without being confrontational. They understand that fighting fire with fire simply makes things worse.?

Enlightened leaders have learned the power of using a neutral voice and body language, of stating the issue and the desired outcome clearly but without an edge or a whine.?They understand that doing so removes the ‘wriggle room’ that behaving in an aggressive, moany or victim voice creates.

When there is an ‘edge’ to the voice or the body language is aggressive or submissive it is all too easy for the person you are trying to hold to account to latch on to the tone of voice or the body language rather than truly listening to what is actually being said.?It triggers the person into responding in a negative way.?They revert to behaving as they did as a child when their parent or teacher nagged them or was critical of something they had done wrong.

Children get used to being nagged.?They have learned to block it our as ‘white noise’ or to argue back or to blame someone else.?They learn very early on to ignore what is being said. They discover, that if there is no consistency to the grown-ups expectations of them and / or no consequences, there is no need to take any notice.?

That approach becomes their default model and follows them into adulthood unless it is challenged. Their early conditioning doesn’t change so when their team leader, manager or boss starts nags but doesn’t actually follow through they are ignored in exactly the same way as their parents were.

The solution for parents, partners, team leaders, managers and bosses is the same:

Get your emotions under control before you deal with the situation but make sure you do actually deal with it.?Being an ostrich because something feels tricky just creates more problems further down the line.

Be prepared – be clear what the issue is and state it in a calm, neutral, clear way.?Ensure your body language is also neutral.?This significantly reduces the chances of the other person wriggling off the hook, deflecting what you have to say or ignoring it.?

State what specific behaviours you want instead and why that is important.

Be clear what the consequences are to them as individuals, to the team or organisation.?Encourage them to take responsibility for their choices and to recognise that EVERY choice has consequences, even not actively choosing has consequences.

Be consistent and model the behaviours you want from them.

If you are interested in finding out more about how being an Enlightened Leader can make a positive difference to you personally and professionally go to https://enlightenedleadership.co