Discourses with my Toastmaster buddy Rajesh: Two critical lessons for stage and life

I have been incredibly blessed with friendships, and this one is special. Rajesh and I are Toastmasters buddies. I was lucky to travel with him since he started his journey in 2021. We take walks on the beach, discussing the content of our speeches. We practice speeches in parks and over Zoom and see each other have a crack at Table Topics. Today, I want to share two critical discussions Rajesh and I have had over the years. These two aspects have not only added value to my public speaking journey but also to my life.

Fear of Failure:

While practising a speech in a leisure park in Indira Nagar, Adyar, Chennai, Rajesh and I discussed the fear of failure in depth. We often fear the stage, thinking about the possibilities of failure. What if I fumble? What if I exceed the time? What if I make a fool out of myself? Oh, I have done all those things. And here I'm writing about it, neither proud nor ashamed. During my public speaking journey, I was fortunate to come across an invaluable piece of advice. A wise man said, "Treat the audience like pumpkin heads. Ever smiling and never judging. You be shameless". Once I became shameless, I could shed my ego and not care if I failed or succeeded. This way, often, I end up giving my best. Sometimes, I have been the best of the lot and won contests. Sometimes not. Nevertheless, I flew like water on stage. I'd fail, yes, indeed. Hit boulders, get stuck in perpendicular bends, and only caress the foothills. But the river is constantly flowing, untethered by obstacles. There's a high chance of failure, and I am okay with that.

Self-fulfilling prophecy:

During our recent beach walk, Rajesh and I discussed the effect of assumptions. We often make assumptions about our capabilities. "Oh, I do not have a good vocabulary", "Oh, I have not had enough stage time", "Oh, I will become nervous". Although some of these could be based on reality, they do not necessarily lead to the behaviours that they prophesize. When I start with these assumptions and put my mind to them, I behave in ways that will fulfil them. This is self-destructing. In the second half of 2023, I had been on and off stage. I took a small break to tend to urgent personal circumstances. My mind was neither in writing nor delivering speeches. On the 4th of November, I jumped back on stage. I was nervous and afraid that I could not do justice to myself. My heart was pumping. But only for a few seconds. As soon as we entered the stage, the dam was open. I held on to my strengths, pumpkin head audience, and core reason to be on stage (i.e.) to add value. Some of my assumptions did come true; I overshot time. That did not stop me from hitting the stage the following week. I could overcome the nervousness if I kept hitting the stage with faith in my strengths and constantly working on my areas of improvement.

I would have never had access to such wisdom if not for my friendship with Rajesh. I still fondly remember his Icebreaker speech titled "When there is a will, there is a way". He is a chartered accountant by profession, a caring father, and a loving husband. Here's to many more such discourses.