Discouraged job seeker wants to know: "Why are my former coworkers such jerks?"

by Cat Breet

Truth bomb: Melissa didn't call them jerks. I did, because I wanted you to read this article.

I got this note from her today, and it broke my heart:

Hi Cat, I hope your fall is off to a good start. I love everything fall!

So, I'd love your perspective as a person who's worked with lots of unemployed people. So I have tried reaching out to people I used to work with at two companies. Maybe my messaging is wrong or I'm taking the wrong approach, but I'm not making any traction. 

I emailed them and explained that I'm actively job searching, I say what I'm looking for, and my target companies. I often get a response back of: We aren't hiring, but I'll let you  know if anything changes. Or get "Sorry I don't know of anyone hiring right now. Good luck." 

I am discouraged and disheartened at the lack of help and empathy, especially from people whom I have previously met and worked with. Do you have any insight or feedback into this?

Thanks,

Melissa

I know Melissa. She's got a smile that can warm you on the coldest days. She's smart. She's a hungry learner (just picked up a new cert this year, in fact). She's a hard worker. She's humble and coachable. Everything you'd want in an employee. She's worked for some of the biggest brands on the planet ... which tells me, as a former recruiter, she's a good catch. She is a kind person. She is thoughtful and considerate. She is a generous networker who goes out of her way to help other people. She volunteers a lot. She helps little old ladies and men carry their groceries (mask on, of course). She's really good juju. You get the picture.

And this is what the universe is sending back to her. I know she deserves better.

If you've never been laid off or fired, you really can't understand what people are going through.

You can't understand the fear, lack of confidence, financial strain, hard work, confusion and rejection that comes with the territory. You just can't. The good news is, you don't have to. None of the people who need your help expect you to understand. But they do expect you to be kind. And most of them deserve it (like Melissa).

This is what kind looks like:

Instead of ignoring her or blowing her off, you could say

"Hello, Melissa. So nice to hear from you! Geez, has it really been 16 years since we worked together? Wow! Those two boys of yours must be out of the house by now.

I am so sorry to hear about your layoff. That stinks. What a year. I'm afraid I don't know of any open positions for you at the moment, but if you tell me more about what you're looking for (after all, you're 16 years smarter! I bet you have all sorts of cool new things to offer a company!) ... specifics like job title, industries and maybe some companies you're looking at ... I'll see if I can find anyone to introduce you to. I've never been laid off, but I have friends who have and I think it's tough. But you're tough, too! Send me more details about an ideal next move for you, and I'll see if I can help. Enjoy the sun today!" - Jonah

Here's what being a jerk looks like (and I have seen ALL of these happen to job seekers in 2020):

1. Ignoring them altogether.
2. Telling them "I have no idea. Go online and see for yourself if we're hiring."

The good news is this: most people aren't jerks (but you're still here, so the tacky lead-in worked? Tee-hee!) Most people fall somewhere in the middle. Most people do what people have been doing to Melissa: telling the truth ("I don't know of any jobs for you." ), then just stopping there. They miss the chance to take just one more step into the middle by asking

"How can I help?"

Now, as a big-time networker myself, I know it's scary to ask "How can I help." I know the fear of "What if they ask me to rewrite their resume for them? I do not have 1-2 hours to spare!" (Because that's what it really takes to write a spectacular resume for someone ... and I won't do less than spectacular). I know what you're thinking, because I'm right there with you: I'm already working too many hours (says my family) right now, and I'm afraid I'll get back a laundry list of things I want to do for that person ... which will land in the air with all the other balls I don't have time to catch. But you know what? Once you ask how you can help, you get to decide what kind of help you have time to offer. And you will often surprise and delight yourself (and the person asking for help) with how much help you can give with just a few minutes of your time.

Case in point: Easy-peasy thing you can tell ALL job seekers:

"ARBEZ has been doing free livestreams to help job seekers, consultants & small businesses since COVID broke. They'd had some terrific guests on, covering all sorts of topics that will be really helpful to you. Catch the replays and search by topic on their blog page at their website.

Here's another excellent example of what kindness looks like:

Marilyn Williams, CPPM just wrote this out of the blue on LinkedIn on 9/23/20:

So ... please take a breath and find the courage to say "How can I help you?"

Then do your best to be just a little bit more thoughtful. A little bit more helpful.

And if you really want to help? Watch the replay of this show:

Still here? Let's chat! In the comments below, share YOUR favorite ways to help your unemployed friends & neighbors.

About the author: Catherine Byers Breet is a recovering recruiter – turned author, speaker, blogger & trainer on all things career. She’s been teaching people how to get more money, freedom & fun out of work since 1997. She loves a good (clean) joke and will do just about anything for a trip somewhere new in the world. Oh, and by the way … she owns a zebra. His name is Joe. 

P.S. Do you want help with your career? Catch Cat live on the New World of Work show on LinkedIn, Facebook or YouTube every TUES & THURS at 8amCT. Then check out her coaching programs for consultants and job seekers at the ARBEZ website.