Disconnect to Reconnect: How I Take Guilt-Free Vacations (and Truly Check Out)

I wish I hadn't worked so hard.

I wish I'd let myself be happier.

Those are two of the top regrets of people on their deathbeds, according to palliative care nurse, Bronnie Ware, in her book, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying .

Too many of us are running on autopilot and are on the brink of burnout , disconnected from what brings us joy. We work hard but don't offset it with play and rest.

We think always being "on" makes us more valuable and indispensable. We leave vacation days on the table, and if we do take paid vacation, we stay "connected" and "check in," prioritizing work over our personal lives and loved ones.

We don't set boundaries because we think saying "no" or not being accessible 24/7 (even from the beach or a road trip) means we're not a team player. Yet we become resentful when work tries to contact us while we're out.

Our inflated sense of self-importance (i.e., "You don't understand...no one else can do this!") causes us to forego much-needed time off to recharge and reconnect to who and what matters most.

Many of us may not realize we've become work martyrs:

The Cost of Not Disconnecting: Are You Working for Free?

A few years back, I was heading out of the office for a week of vacation. As I walked by the receptionist, she asked me if I wanted to leave a phone number for anyone to reach me while I was away.

I told her I didn't because I completely disconnect on vacation and knew I'd be back within a week to take care of whatever needed attention.

Around that time, I remember reading an article that said something profound about not using our vacation time:

"If you are working for someone else and you have paid time off that you are not using...YOU ARE WORKING FOR FREE."

That stuck with me.

According to the U.S. Travel Association , each year, more than half of Americans leave vacation time on the table, accumulating to 768 million days in 2018. That was up nearly 10% from the year before.

Yikes.

In 2016, data gathered from over 5,500 American adults through Project: Time Off showed us Americans' declining vacation usage over the past 40 years...

We pay a price for not taking time to step away from work and recalibrate - diminished health and wellbeing, stunted creativity , and compromised relationships with our loved ones. I don't think it's a coincidence that the decline in taking time off coincides with an increase in burnout, mental health challenges , and disengagement at work. Do you?

We rationalize "just checking" one email, but we know full well that that's like saying, "I'm just going to eat one Oreo..." Once the bag is open, it's harder to stop.

We don't pause to think about how it might feel to our loved ones when we're not being fully present with them and keep putting work over our time with them.

There will always be more work to do and more emails to answer, but our health and the presence of our loved ones are not promised tomorrow.

That's why it's important to slow down and rest and take time to be with the people who matter most to us.

How I Take Restorative Vacations

After keynoting a conference in Tampa on a Monday, my husband and I took the rest of the week off to disconnect from work in order to reconnect. I didn't check my email, have any calls with clients or prepare any presentations or proposals.

I VACATED.

Before I left, I let my clients know I'd be on vacation. I caught up with my assistant, so that we could be on the same page about what needed to get done while I was out. As a result, my husband and I were able to enjoy four uninterrupted days exploring Florida. We walked for miles, lounged around, shared delicious meals, and did three escape rooms!

One night at dinner, I told my husband how good it felt to be "off," to just be human and not be performing. My body responded to the break, too, with a lower resting heart rate and better sleep and recovery that I tracked on my WHOOP band and Oura ring.

I did the same thing last summer when I took the longest vacation of my life - 16 days. It was hard, especially since I run my own business, but I blocked the time at the beginning of the year and hired staff to serve clients while I was out.

In the moments I was tempted to "check in" on my email, I asked myself:

"Why would you hire someone you trust and then undermine that trust by constantly checking in on them?"

As a result of making the decision to honor my time off, my husband and I thoroughly enjoyed our time away. It was relaxing, fun, bonding, and adventurous, a vacation full of memories with the person I love most.

How I Check Out and Enjoy Vacation

Even the act of planning a vacation can boost our mood for up to eight weeks before we take the vacation . It's called "vacation anticipation," and I bet you can think of a time you've experienced it. Here are some of the steps I take to set boundaries around vacation, so I can enjoy it guilt-free:

1. Block off the time as far in advance as you can and ruthlessly protect it. When someone tries to book something that conflicts, simply say, "I'm unavailable that day/week." No further explanation needed.
2. Plan experiences you're excited about and looking forward to. Joy is a great motivator to stay present.
3. Give clients and customers as much notice as you can that you will be away and equip at least one team member to be your point person while you're out. It's empowering to give someone the opportunity to grow and step up when you're not there.
4. Set a clear out of office message at least one day before you leave and give clear instructions about who to go to in your absence and when you will return. The boundaries we set and adhere to teach people how to treat us.
5. Build in a half day to a full day of no meetings the day you come back from vacation. Use that time to go through emails and catch up.
6. Turn off all email and calendar notifications on your phone while you're away. Hide the apps in an obscure folder if you have to, so you're not tempted to look at them.

Unmute Your Need for Rest + Play

When's the last time you took a vacation and actually disconnected from work, guilt-free?

1. What story are you telling yourself about what will happen if you take a vacation and unplug from work?
2. What are the implications of not taking time off? For yourself? For your team? For your loved ones?
3. Think about a time you took time off work (any duration) and were able to disconnect, rest and recharge? What did you do?
4. What might become possible in your life if you go on vacation and fully disconnect from work, so you can fully reconnect to yourself and those you love?
5. What would you do with a 4-hour vacation? Start small and schedule a 4-hour block of uninterrupted time doing something you enjoy in the next 30 days!

I'd love to hear from you! What helps YOU disconnect and truly honor your vacation time?