Discernment...

Article written by Eddy Abboud on 15 May 2018.

Choosing a certain path of life comes with many anticipated and some totally unexpected challenges. It is easy to say now: “ouch, I should have seen that coming” … But at the time of taking the decision, choosing the way of life, what really mattered was the outcome. Outcome? What is this outcome? Is it a destiny or a journey? What is determining the success of this new path of life? Questions I never had answers to, until…

Changes never come without pain. I recently had a tremendous shift in my life, let me call it “a major correction”. During this transition, I had the opportunity to meet new people and lost many of my close surroundings along the way whom I thought were really my kind of people. With all honesty, I felt I lost something precious, a cushion I had for years. I guess I was wrong, again!

Nevertheless, I did not blink. I stayed focused on the big picture, and sometimes on the details that matter – but I had to stay focused because correction was a necessity for me. I swam, with and against the current, when and where it made sense. At the end, that’s the meaning of my first name – “to eddy”. I kept searching for this outcome as I walked into this storm, really bad weather and visibility close to null… As I overcome these faced challenges, one after the other, I never stopped creating my meaningful steps, in this road less traveled, with one strong belief in mind: “my commitment to this journey”.

I realized there is a true meaning for my life, so I started writing my life purpose again. During the time I was conquering new frontiers and continuously arming myself with education, I started to regenerate myself. The change and this very pain were unavoidable, so I started reflecting and letting go of things that added close to no value to my life. Ufff! What a weight! I started to speed up as I felt lighter, with a clear goal in mind: “search for a better version of me?”. Will this be the “outcome”?

Along the way, I’ve encountered traps I thought I would use my qualitative logic to avoid. Apparently, I never taught and trained myself except on the logic (My Head). As I was trapped in this cage of logic, down on my knees, a truly lifelong valuable moment occurred. I was literally schooled in a matter of one open vulnerable conversation. I was taught that logic is very valuable and that I was missing two important traits which will assist me to get myself up again and lead the way to this new path of life:

The first is Empathy (Heart): I thought I was empathetic, truly. I usually listen carefully to people, I am there for them, I have always engaged fully, connected deeply with them, and most importantly I used to immerse in their perspective and be compassionate. All this fell apart when I understood that I only used this trait to drive people to do what I want… The missing link is them!! I should be in it for them. Wow!

The second is authenticity: I have always been myself, very authentic. I never held myself back, I fully trust myself. I noticed there are two missing parts in my authenticity; I used to pay more attention to what I thought people want to hear from me, and I never created a safe environment for people to be themselves. I remember during one of my Harvard Business School coaching sessions, my coach highlighted the moment when I did not create this safe zone for one of my cohort to freely give me his feedback.

As I reflect on what happened, what I have learned, and linking the dots, these 3 elements should be perfectly balanced to be the authentic unstoppable leader you are. This is a skill that, as I understood, every person should master. Most importantly, I realized I was not in search of an outcome. What I was missing was the knowhow to embark my journey with lots of logic, full empathy, and true authenticity, as they are the key foundation for a peaceful and exotic happy life.