Discerning Duty from Distraction

Before February 2020 I spent the majority of my working days onsite with clients, working side-by-side with my colleagues and our clients to solve challenging problems. Most often that involved hopping a flight early Monday, long days in a most often windowless room, filled with the perfect balance of spontaneous collaboration and heads down working time, dinner at a local restaurant or solo food delivery, and topping the night off with more work and reconnecting with the family I missed dearly at home. I was reminded of the good and the bad of this lifestyle last week. As I sat with my current team and chatted about the olden days, I couldn't help but compare what the post February 2020 consulting lifestyle had created for all of us to the days of being road warrior. Though I miss be counted among the loyal elite at my favorite hotel chain and airline, I love that I get to be present in the stands for J on more than just weekends and share an office with my forever teammate (Senior) more. Things have definitely shifted, but as they shift back I am becoming increasingly aware of the amount of time it takes to meet the hybrid working expectations of 2024. The expectations of your presence and participation are higher than ever and so are the expectations of the workplace. When the world shutdown many of us invited work into our homes, packing more productivity into what was formerly our commuting time and erasing the boundaries between work and personal time. However, when you add that commute time back along with the expectation that you are always accessible and every decision requires a meeting, and the constant anxiety of not being invited to a meeting suddenly means you are irrelevant, my days feel profoundly less productive. I am doing more than I have ever, I am more tired than I have ever been, and yet somehow there still aren't enough hours in the day. If you find yourself in the same place, I think I have stumbled across an idea that just might help us. Here's what I know (and am still learning) about discerning duty from distraction.

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I have been incredibly blessed in many areas of my life, and my career is no exception. The best experiences that I have had in my career have quite literally been made for me, meaning someone created an opportunity specifically for me that was unique to my skills and abilities. Working in a role made for you, your literal dream job, is an amazing experience and also incredibly challenging. It is an amazing experience because it's an opportunity to create value through my unique experiences and challenging because there is no blueprint for success. The most important thing to our discussion about these roles, is that they are crafted in such a way that there are few other people who can fill them and likely none that will fill that role in the same way. With that in mind, when those opportunities show I up they are almost impossible to turn down. In between those roles, there are other responsibilities and work that I take on. Some of those things I am uniquely qualified for and others could be performed by any number of individuals. As my calendar continues to fill with back to back to meetings between 7:30 AM and 5:30 PM, I am learning to ask the question of myself first and others "Should I be in this meeting?" or in some cases "Should I continue in this role?". The hard part is determining when the answer to those questions is actually "No.".? My filter for participation is still a work in progress, but through reflection I am learning that there a lot of things that I could do, but probably shouldn't. I am also learning that every minute I spend on one thing is a minute taken from something else that desires or requires my attention.

Most organizations have defined their mission, vision, and values. Those that are successful actually use them to guide the running and growth of the enterprise. They focus on excellence in the areas where they have declared a focus and this leads to success. If Chick-fil-a suddenly offered hamburgers and/or opened on Sunday, you would likely become skeptical of their intentions. If a charter school enterprise announced the addition of their new private prison branch, I think that might raise an eyebrow or two as well. Though both of these spinoffs would likely result in additional revenue, they would be distractions from the decided purpose of these organizations.

Not unlike these organizations, you and I have a purpose to fulfill as well. Our time and talents have the ability to produce value in a multitude of ways. However, if we don't align those resources to the fulfillment of some purpose, we can find ourselves squandering them leaving ourselves depleted and questioning our impact. I have evaluated my purpose many times through varying lenses. Most recently, I have chosen to evaluate it through the lens of my relationship with Christ and the impact that I desire to have on the world. Whatever lens you choose to evaluate your purpose through, I encourage you to do it sooner than later. Once you have identified purpose, it serves as powerful mechanism to create focus and weed out distraction. It removes the guilt and fear of declining opportunities, phenomenal though they may be, that aren't in alignment with what you are to accomplish in this season of life.

As for me, I am uniquely qualified to be Senior's wife, so I need to do a better job of prioritizing the gift and responsibility that is. I am irreplaceable as JJ's mom, so my presence, performance, and participation here is non-negotiable. Work on the other hand, is a beast of a different color. I am a part of a large company by any standard of measure. While I contribute uniquely and make an impact there, I am replaceable in many aspects. So how do I decide what is duty and what is distraction? The short answer is alignment to the purpose that I was hired to fulfill and the purpose that I have to make a particular impact on the world. Things that are not in alignment with those things are areas where I simply cannot afford to place my efforts.? The cost of failing to meet the obligations and expectations that I am dutifully called to is too great to squander non-renewable resources.

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So what happens to those things that are out of alignment? In most cases I have encountered, they are still important and fruitful opportunities… for someone. I was reminded by the actions of my husband a few weeks ago that part of my purpose is elevating others. He is honest to a fault and knows no other way to communicate other than directly. I am still learning to appreciate this about him when it is me who needs guiding to the right place. No matter the room he finds himself he communicates the truth. As he has grown professionally, this has not waivered, even when it requires uncomfortably challenging a perception from other leaders that has an impact on others.? His willingness to do so, reminded me that what you do when you have reached your mountain top matters and that what you say when you finally get a seat at the table is powerful. Will you use your hard fought for influence to open doors for others or lock them behind you?? As I encounter opportunities that are not in alignment with where my attention should be, I have made the choice to be intentional about connecting the right people to fill that space. It creates an opportunity for others to grow in their purpose and shows gratitude to the giver of the opportunity by not leaving them stranded. Speak up for others, create opportunities for others, build other leaders at any opportunity that you can. Trust me, it makes it better for everyone.

As you think about your purpose and the things that might be detracting from your ability to wholeheartedly pursue it, don't let the fear of letting go of those things keep you from achieving all that you were meant to accomplish. Change and separation are challenging but absolutely necessary for growth. What things on your plate are begging to be passed on to new leader? Where can you create an exceptional experience for someone else? Don't miss out on the fulfillment of your duties and ultimately your destiny because you are dedicated to being distracted. Until next time, love hard, live well, and be great!