Disappointment - How to get more out?

Do you often feel disappointed in yourself or others?

Last week in our People Leaders discussion, one of my colleagues quoted;?

‘The absence of deserved recognition is resentment’

Working in an organisational context I am often asked to dream up simplistic, institutionalised solutions to help people leaders manage complex day to day problems.

My response, often goes along the lines of ‘lets think about that’ as we ponder what ‘good might look like’

As I quickly become the object of disappointment! After all, I am also disappointing!

Systems that allow us not to engage in emotional thinking actually perpetuate harm and as I go along with this less in my work and call out the absence of recognition.

I experience more feelings of disappointment........

And, it really got me pondering about my own behaviour, and some of the behaviours I often see - What does the absence of deserved recognition look like for me?

Get More Out!

As we start Black History month and the usual placards, tokenism and awareness campaigns to celebrate black history commence.

I realise to endure, engage or reach beyond disappointment is part of this journey.

?? Still not enough black female senior leaders staring back at me!

?? The hate campaigns against Kwasi Kwarteng not being black enough (whatever that is)

?? Being approached for black history month to speak for free! (8 figure plus turnover & 1000’s of employees), but NO budget to support black employees!

??Stand-alone DEI professionals (usually diverse women) who have become invisible & retreat inside themselves because this is often their only defence mechanism after being the lone voice on topics that are everyone’s business!!!

?? Women of colour speaking up or advocating in a meeting and no-one responds. (BTW you are not too sensitive, neither are you imagining it) it is a put down and it’s really exhausting!

Detours deliver?the best outcomes!

While we wait for the structures that perpetuate slavery and dehumanisation to be dismantled or overthrown!!!

I wonder if it is time to reimagine our own narratives on the experience of disappointment?

Perhaps, the avoidance of disappointment is what leaves us with the feelings of resentment, disconnected from ourselves and others.

Because, to be disappointed is to be human! But, not to be taken seriously is very painful and the silence when recognition is deserved can feel much worse.

So, how do we engage with this, to have better mental health, or lead healthier, happier teams and organisations?

I recommend the book psycho-social explorations of trauma, exclusion and violence (not for the faint hearted). From the work of Scanlon (2019) Diogenes frames disappointment like this;

'We get better at disappointment, so we are not so dis-heartened by it or tangled up in self defeat'

It this speaks to you and you no longer want to feel so disappointed or disheartened from the absence of recognition deserved, and make deeper connections with like minded people.

PS See you tomorrow at Kinship a Safe Space for diverse women. Join here

Black History Month Edition 2022 By Peju Abuchi

WE ARE NOT A COLOUR

We're not a colour

We're a revolution

Embrace us fully

And let's end this commotion!

We're not a threat

We're an inspiration

Engage with us

And let's change the constitution!

We're not weak

We were born to strengthen every generation

Come with us

To a more beautiful destination!

Open your eyes, your heart and your mind

You'll learn a few things that will make you more kind

And Kindness itself is a treasure to find!

The opposite of light isn’t blackness

The opposite of light is darkness

The opposite of happy isn’t blackness

The opposite of happy is sadness

The opposite of wise isn’t blackness

The opposite of wise is foolishness

The opposite of sanity isn't blackness

The opposite of sanity is madness

It's time to end the darkness!

It's time to end the sadness!

It's time to end this foolishness!

It's time to end this madness!

Open your eyes, your heart and your mind

You'll learn a few things that will make you more kind

And Kindness itself is a treasure to find

We're not a colour

We're a decision

A decision to live, to love, to endure

We're not a threat

We're an invitation

An invitation to learn, to hear, to see there’s more…

We're not weak

We are transformation

Transformation that grows through the frustration

Of half truths, little white lies and the ongoing cessation-

To rise up and shine

To enrich like red wine

To flourish without paying a fine

To dare to win and not whine

To refuse to decline like cheap wine

But to recline in the loving arms of The Divine...

Bitesize weekly content!

We hope you have enjoyed it. See you next week x

PS If you want to hang out.?Kinship is a Safe Space for Diverse Women.

The first Friday of each month to explore the intersectionality of Race & Mental Health

Join us. Please register?here