Disappearing...

Disappear means to cease to exist or to discontinue being in use. The context in which the word exists, written or spoken, determines its meaning.

In the context of aging, disappearing is a phenomenological event that happens in every life-altering transition.??

What do you remember, recall, or recollect about being a child? Your first day of school? Your teachers? The names and faces of other kids in the classroom?

Unfortunately, most of that child has disappeared. It was there brilliantly and all-consuming at the moment, but now it is gone. It no longer exists. It has disappeared.

Who you were then, what you thought, how you acted, and how you saw the world has evaporated. The same holds for teenager, young adult, and even early midlife years. All these previous 'you's' have faded away, and a new you has emerged. Same name, different person.

In all of your significant transitions, from one stage of life to another,??who you became was allowed by disappearing parts of who you have been.

It's classic Newtonian physics – two things cannot occupy the same space simultaneously. So something must disappear for something else to appear.

You can't reappear who you once were; your thoughts and experiences are only transitory precursors of who you are now. And you never notice when they disappear; because they do not come back to be recalled. They are gone forever. Poof.

THAT WHICH DISAPPEARS IN LATE AGING

The identity you have worked so hard to shape how others saw you, and you saw yourself expires. Executive or Doctor. Parent. Husband or Wife. Owner. Academician, Mentor. Colleague. Who will you be when you are not your former identity?

Your physical prowess, stamina, skill, and endurance fade. How will you handle this inevitable declining physical future? Will dependency lead to despondency?

Your ego, the promoter and conductor of your success, has little standing in the environment of the late age adult. The ego requires other people to exist. As you leave, as other people leave, as other people become distant, as younger generations don't care, as you require more peace and solitude, the ego loosens its grip. Who will you be when the ego is now quietly in the backseat? Whose driving and where are you going?

WARNING LABEL

As things will undoubtedly disappear, their disappearance creates new openings. There are existing societal and cultural fillers to backfill these openings; irrelevance, valuelessness, worthlessness, uselessness, burden, etc.

But there are conscious fillers to load into these openings as disappearance occurs. Fillers that strengthen rather than weaken, expand not contract, enhance not diminish, give power not take power.

Things are going to disappear. It is inevitable. So what are you going to put in their place? We recommend filling what has disappeared with higher wisdom, consciousness, serenity, spirituality, grace, appreciation, tolerance, and compassion, all found on the path of becoming an elder.

The Art of Disappearing

When they say, Don't I know you?

Say no.

When they invite you to the party

remember what parties are like

before answering.

Someone is telling you in a loud voice

they once wrote a poem.

Greasy sausage balls on a paper plate.

Then reply.

If they say We should get together

Say why?

It's not that you don't love them anymore.

You're trying to remember something

too important to forget.

Trees. The monastery bell at twilight.

Tell them you have a new project.

It will never be finished.

When someone recognizes you in a grocery store

nod briefly and become a cabbage.

When someone you haven't seen in ten years

appears at the door,

don't start singing him all your new songs.

You will never catch up.

Walk around feeling like a leaf.

Know you could tumble any second.

Then?decide what to do with your time.

Naomi Shihab Nye, from?Words Under the Words: Selected Poems?(Far Corner Books, 1995)

The Contemporary Elder Retreat, October 9th through the 16th. There are four openings remaining. The retreat is designed to answer the question; " Who will I be when I am no longer who I used to be?" Our answer, if you are ready, become an elder. www.requestingwisdom.com/RETREAT