Disagreements between parents. Will it hamper the growth of a child?

I set my memory to work. I look into tracking my mind on my parents. I ask to myself who held the highest standards to me, was it my father? Or was it my mother? I could look into tracking my memories and say “My father” and the second thought immediately crosses my mind and says “My mother”. Hence my mind could conclude and say “both”. Now our children also compares us now and I feel any child above the age of six or seven, who wishes to commit himself will answer very quickly when posed a question before him. Perhaps, you all might look back and decide who was the stricter parent at home? Did your parents have disagreements at home? How did you feel about it?

I would ask a question to myself and say “Is there any parent couple where the children would consider them equally firm or equally easy?

Well matched parents will naturally disagree. In my opinion when the members of the married pair are pretty well matched mentally and pretty nearly equal in respect to an attitude matter and how they nearly think alike and also their points of view and judgments with regard to matters of common interests to them, then they will surely differ and just as the disagreement will follow. At this point, the child will look confused and he will start feeling insecure and torn between the parents.

Then, how to look into this issue? A man and wife who are intelligent and self-respecting should accept the faith that as soon as the first child is born they will have differences of opinions as to the child’s rearing. So the parents have to accept the fact and they must face it and each parent / parents must acquire sportsmanship when each learn to disagree with the other without getting angry and listen quickly  and patiently to what the other has to say. The parents have to reveal their readiness to the other and try to get to the other’s point of view and maintain a high degree of mutual consideration and courtesy and self-control.

Now, disagreeing is a common thing between parents, but how intelligently we look into it and not lose our attitude with the other is important. But if such disagreements are expressed before the child’s presence tremendous damage is done to him. So I conclude and tell from the point of the child as to how difficult for the child is to handle two bosses? Are we parents are bosses to a child? Do you want to your child to suffer because of the disagreements you do before the child? Ponder for a minute or two and you will start feeling that as a parent we are both matured and acquire a bit of sportsmanship and make our child happy and give him a secured platform. At the end, your child will look upon you both and say “I love both the parents” when asked by anyone and as a parent you will raise your head above others and in the mind now you can tell confidently “I am a good parent”.

                                                                                                  Dr. Vatsala Iyenger

                                                                                          Program Co-ordinator ,PSTTI

                                                                                          Founder ELLE Kidz