In a disagreement? Try these 4 steps
Michelle Tillis Lederman, CSP, SCC, Leadership Speaker
Creating Connected Leaders And Cultures Where Relationships Drive Success. Likability and Communications Author. Forbes Top 25 Networking Expert. MG100 Coach. TEDx Coach.
My clients inspire me. They also laugh at me because I get excited when I come up with something that will not only help them but is a great model to share. That is exactly what happened recently. In the middle of coaching a client through a challenging coworker conflict I blurted, “This is a good one. I should share this." She laughed, agreed, and that is the inspiration for this post!
In the past I have explained how to Disagree Diplomatically using the Acknowledge and Add Model. When we disagree, we don't want to disagree and dismiss somebody else. Instead, we can acknowledge somebody's position and add our own thoughts to it, but that is just the foundation and often does not get us the whole way there.?
Once we acknowledge what somebody else's perspective is and add our perspectives to the conversation, you may be at a standstill. Agree to disagree? OK, that may temporarily reduce the friction in the relationship but does not move the needle on actions that further either party’s goal. So, what do you do at that point??
This is where I expanded the model to include Commit and Invite. First, you commit to what you're willing to do to make that dynamic better, that relationship better, and the way you communicate better. Perhaps you commit to better understanding their suggestion or incorporating an aspect of their idea.?
For example, you could say, "Here's what I'm willing to do." Most of the time, the other person will then say, "Here's what I'm willing to do." But if they don't, that’s where the Invite step comes in.?
You are not asking, telling, or demanding; rather you are literally posing it as an invite. Try, “What are the ideas that you have, and what are you willing to do to improve the way in which we work together?”?
I'm excited to share this expanded model of Acknowledge, Add, Commit, Invite. And let's see if that gets us to a better place when we're in that conflict.
If you have a sticky situation, you need some guidance on, send it my way. Perhaps you will inspire the next conversation model.
More With Michelle?
March 8th is International Women's Day!
I love March 8th because it is International Women's Day. Most years I get to speak to an amazing group of women. This year I will be at the JCC of MetroWest.
The day is about driving gender parity through collective efforts, collective action and shared ownership. Gloria Steinem, world-renowned feminist, journalist and activist once explained "The story of women's struggle for equality belongs to no single feminist nor to any one organization but to the collective efforts of all who care about human rights." So, make International Women's Day your day and do what you can to truly make a positive difference for women.
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A Connected Leader is able to create a collaborative environment where everyone can be the best versions of themselves. Before starting the program, you will complete the Thinking Preferences Assessment (TPA)* to understand better how you prefer to make decisions, communicate, and solve problems. With this understanding, you’ll be able to recognize the elements that drive your leadership, your reputation, and your engagement with your team.
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Business and Growth Consultant | Technology Leader | M&A Advisor | Investor
1 年Just catching up here after a while... Acknowledge, Add, Commit, Invite, sounds like a great model, Michelle. Cannot agree more, it is the number one rule in conversations to acknowledge them and then profer your view point. They may be right from their perspective? After all you both could be seeing the problem or issue at hand through a different lens? Psychologically, a remarkable meeting place, from where you can move forward more effectively.
Retired engineer
1 年I like this as it provides a framework for resolution of potential conflict before it gets out of hand. One point I would raise is the curved ball when the disagreement comes from somebody you would not have expected it from. This can have a destabilising effect simply because it is so unexpected. One tactic I have used is to say something like, That's a bit different so could I have a moment to consider your concerns, in the meantime I would appreciate your thoughts on where the resolution would lie. This gives you a little time to sort your stakeout and makes them think about what it is they are actually concerned with. On meeting up get them to express their ideas this allows you to determine how they impact on what you were planning to do and if they can be accommodated. I don't think there is a one size fits all but your strategy gives people a chance to work things through in a non confrontational manner.
Founder WeCulture Brands
1 年This would be great required reading for professionals. Communication and collaboration are the keys to success. In a healthy relationship there will always be disagreements, levels of discussion, and hopefully compromise. In the corporate world many professionals find themselves on a quest to “be right” prove their own point. The path to compromise can use this technique to evaluate challenges/opportunities based on data changing the dynamic to a quest for “the truth”. My best days in leadership are when I can compromise or admit to the team my line of thinking was incorrect when we have discussions backed by data. I always thank the other party for hearing me out and using the discussion to come to the solution even when I admit I was wrong. This works especially well with direct reports and empowers them to speak up. Great read Michelle. Thanks for sharing.
Author of The Leadership Letter weekly column; Consulting Expert with OnFrontiers; advisor and mentor on leadership and public service; retired U.S. Army and U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services Officer.
2 年A good plan for sincere attempts to fix or re-establish a relationship, and worth a try, even if you think the other person won't go along, for if they don't, you have the attempt on record, and any dispute resolution will have to note it.
Sr. Operations Admin_FedEx
2 年Exquisite!