A dirty laundry lesson about trust

They say not to share your dirty laundry with others. I say... if you can learn from the mess I've made, why not share? The lesson applies to work too, so stick with me and learn an important lesson about building trust and working together. 

This weekend my husband and I decided to tackle our laundry-room ‘refresh,’ because it just wasn’t set up to be very functional. We’ve wanted to do it since we moved, but life happens and it got postponed. But after poking my back for the hundredth time on the stupid wall-mounted shelves that wrap the parameter of the room, I had had enough and determined it was time.

The wire shelving sticks out awkwardly from all sides and since it’s ALL the way around the room, it makes it difficult to get into the dryer. I started tearing the infernal contraptions from the wall. NOTE: My husband was not at home yet. I decided to push our plans forward without his input. Turns out the shelves were in the wall pretty good. I gave up and went to hardware store with my daughter who is fascinated by the lighting aisle. After getting a few floating shelves and a cabinet (thank you Pinterest for this delightful laundry room layout), I stopped by the paint aisle. Made an impromptu decision to go with the lightest greenish gray and checked out.

Back at home, my husband walked in on McKinley and I once again in the laundry room trying – without success – to unscrew the shelves from the wall. He chuckled and without a word of question, set out to help me. NOTE: He is a saint and was sent here on purpose to temper my madness.

The ‘refresh’ was not easy. The shelves, as it turned out were all anchored into the drywall every three inches. Once we figured out how to yank them from the wall, we had to patch the holes. Then we had to paint. If you’ve ever painted a laundry room without moving the washer and dryer you understand all the benefits of yoga. I managed to squeeze myself into the tight places to get the hard to reach spots my husband couldn’t. Then the real challenge came… mounting the cabinet to the wall. Turns out our laundry room was built without studs. I’m sure that’s not true, but even with our handy dandy stud finder, we couldn’t find two studs we could use to mount this cabinet.

I was not kind during this time. I said things like, “You are doing the stud finder wrong.” “Let me find the stud since you can’t.” “It can’t be this difficult to mount a cabinet.” “You are doing this wrong.”

I’m ashamed to admit that after very graciously helping me, even when I had not asked his opinion or looped him into my expedited timeline, I berated my husband because I was impatient and I had this idea that I could do it better. This might be my biggest character flaw. For all my strengths, I have come to this twisted, biased-notion that I can always do it better. I don’t always think this consciously, but it does impact how I interact with people at work and people at home. I don’t like this aspect of myself. But I’m becoming more and more aware of it thanks to feedback from others and also being a mother, which I find is like putting a magnifying glass on all your flaws.

The lesson I am learning – and probably will keep having to work on for my whole life – is that there can be no trust without humility. What I mean is that I will never be able to trust in others, empower others, believe fully in the value of others, if I still believe the lie that I can do it better. I can do lots of things well, but I know I am not ever the best. There are skills my husband has that I couldn’t dream of competing with. My teammates all possess skills that I don’t have. That’s the beauty of team – we are stronger together than as individuals.

P.S. Once I realized how awful I was being, I apologized to my husband and asked him how we should solve for this conundrum. He found a solution that worked and we were able to complete our ‘refresh’ with our marriage intact.  

So as someone who will openly admit they are NOT THE BEST, and not even very good at this – give me some pointers. How do you stay humble? Or can you relate to stubbing your toe when it comes to letting your pride get in the way of working with others?