Directionality: Crafting Purposeful Coaching Conversations

In a recent one of my free monthly Q&A for coaches, someone asked, “I keep hearing you saying ‘directionality.’ What is that? I have never heard of this in coaching before.”

Directionality in Coaching

Directionality is a term that I have begun using to describe how we coach and foster deeper and safer conversations. I always think about the qualities needed to create deeper partnership and safety for each client. We need safety to work on the deeper, more important issues that are required to change actions and, ultimately, results.

Many of us are very familiar with the “Iceberg” model. We often see actions and results, yet they are only a trailing indicator of those drivers below the waterline. Your beliefs, self-talk, how you think and care about yourself, your values, your feelings of being valued, perfection, goodness, rightness, wrongness, failures, imposter syndrome, these ideas all influence the action and, ultimately, the outcomes you will get. Suppose we do not dive below the waterline in coaching. In that case, it will either take people a very long time to understand why they keep getting the results they don’t want, or, even more problematically, they may never get insights that will help them move forward. So, simply stated, we must create spaces for people to do the real work of change, and that requires safety.

Most people in the helping professions think of themselves as people who care about other people having a better life. We became coaches to help people, right? Lurking in our DNA is an inherent desire to support others. The problem lies in where and how coaches focus their curiosity.

I believe that an intentional focus on client-led conversations and client-determined outcomes supports coaches in creating safety as we explore what is blocking the client between where they are and where they want to be. This focus ensures that the coach and the client are on the same page regarding what is important to the client.

The Origin of My Idea of Directionality in Coaching

I do a lot of ICF Assessments and run several Group Mentor Coaching cohorts each year, so I have the opportunity to listen to a lot of coaching. As I listened to all these conversations, it started becoming clear that a lot of folks were unintentionally leading their clients into uncharted waters. And I was noticing how poorly some of these conversations were going for both the coach and, more importantly, the clients.

So, for me, the use of term, directionality, refers to how a coach safely holds curiosity, and they do that with questions that keep the client’s goal/outcome in mind. To do this, we must begin looking at how the coach’s questions invite a client into a coaching session and how we develop an outcome anchor so that all potentially negative or painful issues that show up are explored in a way that supports the purpose of the exploration.

Example of the problem:

Client: I feel anxious about all the changes at work. Can I get everything done?

Coach: Can you share a bit more about your anxiety?

This question is open-ended, yet it leads the client into anxiety unsafely. This is where coaching gets stuck in conversational danger zones. Anxiety feels bad; can you tell me more about this bad feeling? No, stop doing that; these sorts of conversations, at a minimum, are not super useful and, at a maximum, do harm. Equally problematic is the coach, who ignores the anxiety altogether. Coach: What do you need to do to get it all done? In this question, the coach ignores the anxiety and focuses on solving a problem. Both examples fail to support the client in safely exploring what needs to be explored below the waterline.

And, because the client brought up anxiety, it does need to be explored, but again, safely. A choice point might be to get clarity with the client about what would be different if they felt more comfortable with the changes.

Example of Coaching with Directionality:

Coach: What is important for our conversation today?

Client: I feel anxious about all the changes at work. Can I get everything done?

Coach: What is showing up as important about this today?

Client: I can’t concentrate, and I am spinning, concerned, and I can’t get anything accomplished right now.

Coach: What would be different if you weren’t spinning about the changes and felt you could get it done?

Client: I would have more of a sense of peace, a quiet mind, maybe more equilibrium.

The coach could confirm or reconfirm if this is what would be important for the conversation, this move from spinning towards peace, a quiet mind, and equilibrium, and when the client confirms that it is what they would like to explore, then the coach could ask something like this.

Coach: What needs to be explored first for you to navigate from spinning toward peace, a quiet mind, and equilibrium?

In this way, the coach partners fully in agreement setting and creates a safe container of directionality. The purpose of exploring anything around anxiety or spinning is to move toward peace, a quiet mind, and equilibrium. If all questions are leading, and they are, then we always need to consider where the coach’s questions are leading the client.

Directionality in coaching is about having a well-defined outcome or success measure that supports the client in understanding the purpose of looking at something uncomfortable, or painful, from emotions to experiences. Our job is not to poke at the discomfort or even resolve it, but rather to support the client to learn from it what they determine they need to so that they can move toward their desired outcome.

The research on PEA plays a crucial role in anchoring a positive direction named by the client for the client’s outcome. This is akin to bumper bowling, for those of you familiar with that, directionality and intention keeps the coach from getting gutter balls or striking out by either losing the thread of what is important to the client or directing the client towards what the coach believes the client needs to explore. Both of these can inherently, at a minimum, demonstrate a lack of partnership in the process or, at worst, trigger trauma and literally harm the client.

How many people do you know who struggle with not feeling heard or acknowledged? You may be one of these people. And how much of a missed opportunity is it when you pay for coaching only to have your coach tell you what you need? Not listening to or hearing you, let alone acknowledging your insights. A coach on ‘audio output only’ may share useful information, yet it will never be as valuable as drawing wisdom from the client.

In Conclusion Conscious Directionality

Finally, conscious directionality in our coaching allows for deep work and safer conversations. All of us need support to begin navigating forward into our uncharted waters, and when things are difficult or uncomfortable, we will often begin creating barriers to success. By exploring everything blocking the client from what they want, we need to address the underlying beliefs, values, and self-perceptions that drive actions. Coaches can do this in ways that support clients in achieving meaningful lasting change. The iceberg model reminds us that change requires exploring below the waterline to discover the root causes of behaviors and outcomes. So, we need to learn how to do it so that we do no harm.

By holding curiosity with the client’s goals in mind and asking questions that support the client to explore all the things between, say, anxiety and spinning toward peace, a quiet mind, and equilibrium, a coach supports insight and awareness. The idea of directionality reduces the chances of harm and demonstrates a coach partnering with the client and allowing the client to lead them.

Originally posted on July 12, 2024

References

• Boyatzis, R. E., & Jack, A. I. (2018). “The Neuroscience of Coaching.” Consulting Psychology Journal: Practice and Research 70, no 1: 11-27.
• Boyatzis, Richard, Melvin L. Smith, and Ellen Van Oosten. Helping People Change: Coaching with Compassion for Lifelong Learning and Growth. Harvard Business Press, 2019.

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