Direct Message Etiquette 101

Ahhhhh.. so the art of direct messaging- also known as the "DM." Here on LinkedIn it is definitely a tremendous tool in creating valuable connections, cultivating new and resourceful relationships, selling your product and/or service and staying in the know of all that may be happening within your professional network. However, similar to using any tool in life, used incorrectly and without the proper knowledge, direct messaging can severely harm your professional reputation and relationships. 

In today’s article, I’ll be sharing a few damage control, rule of thumb strategies to help you make the best out of your direct messaging practices. Let's get right to it...

Of course this probably seems like the most obvious fundamental rule, but even on LinkedIn behind the scenes, it STILL needs to be blatantly said, 

Rule #1: Be professional. 

Just because you’re on LinkedIn which is considered the “professional” of all the social media platforms, this doesn’t make “sliding into the DM,” as they say, automatically professional or appropriate. Make sure that you have a legitimate and professional reason to message someone directly. If you’ve decided to send someone a direct message, stop and ask yourself these quick qualifying questions.

• If I met this person today, would it be appropriate to say this to them face to face? 
• Am I saying something that would make them uncomfortable?
• If this message was shared publicly, would it cause any embarrassment or damage to my credibility or reputation? 
• Am I reaching out to them to discuss a professional matter? 

There are countless examples of individuals failing to abide by THIS #1 rule by using the access to directly message someone for all of the wrong reasons. In case you are still questioning if you are guilty of this, here are a few examples of exactly how NOT to use direct messaging:

• Inquiring about someone’s relationship status or to ask them out on a date
• Sharing personal pictures 
• Flirting or sending unsolicited personal compliments

Here are a few examples of great ways to initiate a convo using direct messaging:

• Congratulating someone on a professional endeavor or accomplishment
• Inquiring about their scope of work, experience, or services
• Connecting the dots between you and someone they may know
• Starting a conversation about something that you may have in common
• Offer to support their work if it is something that you are also passionate about

Rule #2: Proofread 

Mean what you say, and say what you mean! Stop, pause, and re-read what you have written before you send that message or make that post! I find that re-reading the message aloud helps me to catch errors that my brain tends to ignore since it knows what I intended to say and often scans it that way. So many awkward scenarios can be easily avoided by simply taking the time to review to ensure that you are sending the message that you mean to send and to the person that you intended to receive it.

Many platforms come to the rescue by allowing us to unsend our messages if we want to reword a few things, if we've had a change of heart, or if we just plain and simple want to delete something that we’ve shared with someone else (Instagram, WhatsApp, Snapchat.) Unfortunately for you, LinkedIn is NOT one of these safe spaces. Take a lesson learned from a message that I received from Mr. Anonymous as pictured below. I’m sure he still doesn’t know that he accidentally announced that he wanted to “lick my brain.” Typo.. or Freudian slip? Who knows. ?????♀? But definitely not the first impression he was going for I’m sure. 

While we are at it, let’s review a few additional things wrong with Mr. Anonymous’ message- aside from his proofreading blunder. 

1. He didn’t introduce himself. 
2. He didn’t frame his intentions or why working together makes sense. Why would I be interested in “doing an event” with you? Ummmm, who are you sir? What kind of event? There are just too many questions for this interaction to end well. 

And number 3 leads us to the next point. 

Rule #3: Don’t be a “taker.”

It may seem like common sense to many, but Mr. Anonymous isn’t alone in sending this type of message. My inbox is filled with countless requests similar to this one, asking for something with no offer of support in return, or in other cases, asking for something without providing clarity on why it makes sense that we work together at all. Many people are asking others to invest in their interests, buy-in to their ideas, and donate their time or resources to their causes- without spending the time to cultivate relationships and more importantly, to give before receiving. DO NOT BE ONE OF THESE PEOPLE. 

Rule #4: Make it personal. 

Everyone knows when they’ve received a generic cut and paste message that was probably sent to as many people as possible. Direct messages are meant to be personal and meaningful. Nothing kills this vibe quicker than sending something that has obviously been sent as a mass message to every person that you are connected with. Yes, we notice that you at least took the time to change the first name (we hope), but that is not good enough. The most engaging messages are those that are thoughtful, personalized, friendly, and that build rapport. If there is someone that you are interested in connecting with, take some time to think about the type of impression that you’d like to make. Do a little research on their accomplishments, expertise and passions. Reaching out doesn’t always have to be about business initially, but may be as simple as asking a thoughtful question that they are specially equipped to answer or making a heartfelt remark.

Here are a few examples of ways that you can connect with someone using direct messaging that will help you to differentiate yourself while making a great first impression.

• Be helpful. Provide value in the form of a resource that they may find useful. Be sure to explain that you have been following their work and why the resource may be of interest to them. Great examples may be articles, books, current events, white papers. (DO NOT attempt to sell or ask for anything in return for your gesture, this immediately negates your purpose which is to simply add value.)
• Offer to make an introduction to someone significant to their field or area of work/interest.
• Invite them to an exclusive event that allows them to connect with others relevant to their industry or hobbies. 

As a rule of thumb, you must always make deposits before you can expect your withdrawals to be honored. Try your best to be a WIN-WIN person with a mindfulness around how you can support others as well. Don’t be the person to ONLY reach out during your time of need or with a purpose to sell at all times. This is a quick way to ensure that others begin to avoid responding to you. Being intentional about offering assistance or finding ways to support the endeavors of others that may align with your passions without any expectation in return is a great way to grow sincere, long lasting, authentic relationships versus being self-serving and transactional. Being a giver will reap far greater rewards both personally and professionally in the long run. 

Rule #5: Nobody likes a spammer.

Although it doesn’t feel good to have to wait for a response, in addition to this instant gratification world in which we live not making it any easier, do your best to avoid sending additional messages in the instance that you haven’t received a response. There are many people that do not check their inbox daily. When they do, you don’t want to have sent 3 or 4 back to back messages. It seems a bit desperate and could even be interpreted as borderline harassment. If you’ve sent a message, wait patiently for a response.

Take a look for yourself at what this looks like. After an extremely busy week, I returned to my inbox to find it bombarded with multiple messages from the same person. (The messages even extend past this snapshot! ??) Chances are, had he been patient, I would have most likely responded to his first message out of professional courtesy, but due to his impatience and spammer behavior- his messages went ignored. #SorryNotSorry.

DON’T BE THIS PERSON. Patience is a virtue.

Rule #6: Get to the point.

One of the absolute worst things that you can do in creating new connections is to drop a full length essay into their inbox. I don’t know about you but the likelihood that I read any message that takes some scrolling is slim to none. I may have all the intention in the world on reading it eventually, but if I’m completely honest with myself, some small part of me is immediately annoyed at receiving an unsolicited book. My first response is to take a quick scan and make a mental note to come back to it. We all have a message to share, a product to sell, a service to offer. Do yourself a favor and increase your chances of your message being properly received by sending a quick and easy initial message to peak their interest or to ask them directly if they would be interested in what it is that you want to share with them. Getting a green light to share is always better than just unloading onto someone. Dumping a lengthy message on someone is the virtual equivalent of being a panhandler on a busy subway platform at 8am. They haven’t given you permission to share your message and most likely won’t be open to hearing it without some framing and more importantly, at the proper timing. 

I hope this helps your DM endeavors! Feel free to shoot me a message, using your NEW direct messaging expertise of course! ??

Happy connecting,

Jessica.

Want to dive in a tad deeper? Be sure to read my article, “9 Most Common LinkedIn Epic Fails.” 

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Jessica Lili is the Director of Operations for DiverseForce, a high-tech, high-touch solution for workforce diversity. She also serves as an Engagement Specialist for Philadelphia's #1 Professional Networking Organization and Diverse Talent Community. As a social entrepreneur with a background in education and technology, she specializes in teaching professionals to deliver the highest level of productivity, efficiency and professionalism through technology. A productivity geek at heart, and completely in LOVE with technology, consistently on the hunt for hacks that help us all get back to #LivingYaBestLife.