Be Direct!
Eleni Kelakos, CSP
Step into the spotlight with confidence & charisma! Helping executives, entrepreneurs & consultants speak and lead with maximum impact.
I once got an email from a friend congratulating me on my birthday. The email was brief, just two sentences long. "Happy Birthday. Maybe someday we can actually find a way to have coffee together."
I was taken aback by the last sentence. It felt passive-aggressive and vaguely manipulative. And, as a consequence, it canceled out the warm sentiment of her birthday wishes.
The fact is, when we choose to beat around the bush and back off of what we really mean or need, and we do it in a passive-aggressive manner, we invite misunderstanding and resentment. We push people away instead of drawing them to us.
Unfortunately, avoiding confrontation, and not stating clearly what we need (or what’s bugging us) are behaviors women exhibit more often than our male counterparts.? We learned this behavior as kids, in school and out on the playing fields.? And it’s keeping us from getting what we really want and need, both at home and in the workplace.
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We need to learn to ask for what we need (or to state what we want) in a direct manner.? For example, instead of writing what she did, my friend could have written “Let’s get together for a birthday lunch over the next two weeks.? Here are some dates and times when I am available.“ Or, if she wanted me to be aware of her frustration at our inability to make time for one another, ?she might have written “I miss you! We keep talking about getting together for lunch, but we never seem to set a date.? Let’s commit to scheduling a time to get together to celebrate your birthday in the next two weeks, ok?” ??
To communicate in a direct, honest manner, we first need to be willing to examine the motives behind a conversation, or a message. What are we really trying to say?? What point or message do we really want to convey?? And then we need to find the courage to say what we really want to say, which takes faith and practice.
What about you? Do you tend to deal indirectly or passive aggressively with people, rather than confronting them when you have an issue or a problem that needs to be addressed?? Would you rather beat around the bush than assert your needs or desires?? This week, encourage yourself to be as direct as possible in your communications, both written and verbal, even if it feels uncomfortable.? The more you’re able to ask for what you want and need, and to directly ?confront an issue, the more others in your life will be able to do the same with you.? Dare to be direct, and reap the benefits of more honest, more authentic relationships.
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Leadership Coach | Keynote Speaker | Entrepreneur | I help successful executives & owners bridge the gap between achievement and fulfillment | Happiness Expert | Faith-driven Leadership Strategist
1 年Being direct is difficult sometimes. However, when I am, it helps to clarify if the recipient and I have the same understanding.
Association Speaker & Networking Expert | Helping Professionals Build Powerful Connections | Podcast Host & Guest
1 年This is an important message. I know I have a tendency to avoid confrontation and sometimes take an indirect approach to avoid it. The problem is, even if I mean something in a non-confrontational way, the other person can interpret it as criticism of their behavior -- which can make the whole situation worse. Of course, this can lead to a negative spiral where, in order to avoid short-term confrontation, I avoid communication in the first place which only leads to damage to the relationship and a greater likelihood of confrontation and conflict. So to get better at this, is it just a matter of practice or are there techniques we can use to try out what we want to say to see how they are likely to land?