The Dilemma of Appreciation

I had a person working with me who wasn’t doing that well at work. In fact, we had given feedback that he has to improve his performance else it may be the end of the road for him here.

Now, after a month or so, this person did a report that was quite good, much better than what he has done earlier.

I wanted to send out a “great job” message, but I stopped, caught in the dilemma of appreciation!

The Dilemma of Appreciation:

I agree that appreciation is great, it’s needed, and blah, blah, but I had a dilemma - by appreciating him for this small win, will I make him complacent?

Will he interpret this as - now I am doing well overall and hence the appreciation?

For someone like me who can be a bit picky and not naturally very appreciative, this was also a good excuse not to change my own natural conservative behavior.

Well, there was some logic also. It’s not a far-fetched reasoning to say that - if I tell this person they did a good job, they can stop trying to get better. Because they assume that appreciation means they are doing well now, which can make them relax and not try hard enough because even though they did this small thing well, they have many more things to improve on.

On the other end of the dilemma of appreciation was the fact that all of us need motivation. As humans, we crave appreciation. We need to be seen, to be important, to be respected. Added to that is the fact that only negative feedback never really makes anyone better.

What then is a practical approach here?

I appreciated the person for the small win without going overboard and by being specific about what I am appreciating so that it’s not generally interpreted as, okay, I am doing great now. In that message, I also resisted the temptation to say ‘but’ you still have to get better so that it doesn’t take away the positive impact.

Now realistically, there are 2 responses this person could have to this: One, he feels good and is motivated to do better – it triggers a positive spiral. And two, the person feels their previous negative feedback has been nullified and they are fine now and hence can fall back into a complacent mode.

To make sure the second scenario doesn’t occur, I observe the person and in case I notice any drop in motivation, I intervene immediately and remind them of the need for improvement.

And in fact, I realized the need for doing something much earlier which is - at the time of giving improvement feedback, if I made sure the feedback is constructive - how can I help you get better, and if there is good clarity on expected outcome or behaviors, and how I intend to evaluate them, then misinterpreting a casual appreciation will never happen.

As it turned out, this person did feel good and we saw a shift in his mindset and approach.

Over the years, as a human-first practitioner, I have always believed in trusting people to do the right thing, and as humans, appreciating the small things is certainly a human-first behavior. We shouldn’t shy away from it. In fact, when I do this regularly, I actually feel much better about myself and at least for that, we should practice this.

Appreciate small things wherever and whenever, let’s propagate Human First.