As our parents age, an interesting shift takes place.
Early in our lives, they were the ones who took care of us, changed our diapers, and showed us how to do the basic things of life.
Now that they are older, we are the ones left to return the favor. We take care of them, show them how to do the basic things of life again, and perhaps even change diapers.
There are so many dynamics going on here - some of them truly gut wrenching. I won't be able to address them all adequately. Here is just a sample of what I'm hearing as I interact with GenXers:
- "What do I do when I'm in the heat of an important meeting with my executive staff and my mom calls me all upset that there is a small leak in her faucet and dad used to be the one to fix things like that?"
- "How do I care for a parent who was never really nice to me in the past?"
- "My dad has become so negative and self-centered. How do I reconcile that he is a totally different person than I'm used to?"
- "My husband is getting increasingly annoyed by the amount of time I'm spending with my parents after work. But who else is going to help them sell their house when I'm the only sibling who lives close by?"
- "I used to be able to bounce business ideas off my father, but with his dementia, who can I talk to now?"
These are very real issues for the GenX business owner / executive leader. It's not like life understands and slows down in order to give you the time and mental capacity you need to handle your parents.
One thing I need you to understand so you don't drown in the complexities brought on by your aging parents.
There are many, many GenXers who are facing this dilemma. No one has all the answers. But we all can come together, and lift up one another.
I scoured the resources at hand and pulled together 5 pieces of help from various sources. I trust that as you read them, you will find something here that will help put the locus of control back inside of you where it belongs.
- Consider therapy (which isn't a sign of weakness, on the contrary, is a sign of strength. Discussing your past and working through your feelings with a trained counselor can be a helpful exercise. It can get some people over the hump of resentment, enabling them to take on a more active role in caregiving. Or conversely, reflecting on past experiences, the present situation and hopes for the future may help some individuals put their priorities into perspective and validate their decision to limit involvement in their parents’ care.
- Accept their flaws. Try to be aware that your parents were raised by imperfect people as well. They often did all they knew how to do. That doesn’t make abuse right. But, understanding that they are human beings with flawed pasts of their own may help you make progress in your healing and gain a deeper understanding of your parents as people. This may amount to nothing more than acceptance, or this realization could encourage you to be a stronger presence in their lives.
- Self-care. Take a deep breath, stepping back, and assessing what your loved one's needs are today and will be in the future. Make a list of tasks and priorities, ranked according to what you need to do personally and what you can delegate. "Maybe it's important for you to take Mom shopping, but it's not so important who takes her to the senior center,"?
- Start small. If it's necessary to raise the subject with your parents that they need help, they may be reluctant to have a discussion on their financial matters. You can jumpstart the conversation by purchasing a book about financial concerns and discuss the book with them. You might want to ask your parents’ permission to access copies of their bank statements or set up online banking and automatic bill payments.
- Do your own research. Here's a google results page
. Use this issue of the GenX Weekly to ignite in you a sense of purpose about how you could serve your parents and not be controlled by the situation.
Let us know in a comment what other resources are out there.
Thank you so much for reading the?GenX Weekly
. I appreciate each one of you.
And I wish you all the best!
