Digital Detour: 3 Lessons I Learned in my Layoff Journey

Middle of 2023, I spent 3 weeks in beautiful New Zealand with my family to recuperate, reconnect and heal after a tumultuous 2 years of hard work (also I have not been on proper vacation since the global pandemic). Before I left for the trip, my manager and I discussed projects and priorities for the upcoming year, so I returned to work refreshed and motivated to start cracking.

A week after I returned, I find myself in a Teams call with the rest of my team and the management; long story short: I was being laid off. My first reaction? A combination of being gut-punched and shell shocked. Like anyone who has been laid off since the pandemic. And after awhile came anger, denial, humiliation, and another burst of anger. This seemingly never-ending roller coaster of emotions went on for 3 weeks.

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If not for my husband who patiently stood by me as I went into emotional turmoil each day, I would’ve never gotten out of the situation. It was also my husband who helped me find my current job. I count my lucky stars (and my husband!) to have been able to secure a job within 5 months, knowing others may not fare as well as I did – and are still struggling today.

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As that dreaded ship has sailed, I find myself reflecting, and found these 3 lessons I’ve learnt in layoff that is now etched as part of myself today:

1. Grieve, grieve and grieve some more – why you need to feel everything

After the news broke, I was given the advice to take my time to grieve. I didn’t understand what that meant. I have no time to grieve.

I need to update my CV and LinkedIn profile.

I need to start applying for jobs and prepping for interviews.

I need to re-arrange my finances to cover months of unemployment.

The last thing I needed to do was grieve.

In the midst of all that, a barrage of self-doubt hit me. “What did I do wrong?”, "What could I have done more?" the questions echoed in my mind. But slowly, I realized focusing on negative emotions and questioning every part of the situation while ignoring my emotional need wouldn't lead to healing.

So, I started to allow myself to grieve and feel every emotion that needs to be felt without suppressing it, only then I could truly be okay. So, I entertained the self-sabotaging thoughts, silent cries, and most importantly spoke to a lot of people to get it out of my system. And one day, I found myself slowly recovering. No longer grieving but on the journey to heal.

2. Work is not my entire identity - how I rediscovered myself and my passions

If you’re a friend or ex-colleague, you will know the passion I have for my job. I fell in love with digital marketing and have been since 10+ years ago. I love my job so much it has become a part of who I am. I spend some weekends on digital courses, create presentations on digital marketing and often provide advice to ex-colleagues and friends on their brands’ digital campaigns.

So, when I got laid off, it was as if someone has ripped my soul and I died. It felt like there was nothing else left of me.

After the last stage of grief – acceptance – has kicked in, I find myself with this blank calendar. My unemployment days gave me the opportunity to be a stay-at-home-mum and so I had time for myself.?And, I started baking again. Made bread, cakes and cookies – something I didn't have the time for in the past. I even rediscovered my love for books. I used to read a lot, ever since I was a teenager and somehow, somewhere along the way I stopped.

Eventually, I rediscovered myself again by rediscovering other passions I had – beyond digital marketing. And it made me see how for the past 10+ years I’ve enveloped my identity around my work so much that when I lost it, it felt like I lost myself at the same time.?This experience has shown me that I am not just a digital marketer – my identity is not just this. And it needed a layoff to help me rediscover myself and my passions; to see that I am beyond my work.

3. Taking back my life – setting boundaries and restraints to own back my life

It took a layoff and a new job to help me see how my relationship with work in the past 10+ years has always been the unhealthiest. I worked long hours, sometimes through the night, get stressed over every thing and I never realized how it impacted my personal life. My mood was chaotic, I never had the energy to socialize with family or do anything else – but I never realized all this was stemming from the way I work.

When I started my new job, I wanted to start with a clean slate. So, I begun setting boundaries for myself at work. Because I work remote and with team members across different time zones, the lines can get blurred, but I vowed to set healthy boundaries at work for myself:

• I started with something as simple as blocking my lunch hours. So, when it’s lunch time, I stop what I do and actually eat. Gone are the days where I eat and work at the same time. These are bad habits that I wanted to kick.

• I also put a boundary when I log off work so that I can intentionally shut off my mind about work and focus on my home and family. There are occasions where I work during the night, but they are rare and I do it because I want to, as my sense of responsibility.
• Another boundary that I’m working on every day, consciously, is to not let things that are beyond my control stress me out. I have to be conscious enough to identify which issues are out of my hands and only allow myself to feel stressed of those that are within my purview. What I’ve realized is that, after you’ve undergone a traumatic experience such as a layoff, you tend to see things in big picture.

I've just set these boundaries for 2 months but the benefits I'm seeing are priceless.?I am in a much better mood every day, energy levels has improved so much that I can actually enjoy my time after working hours – cooking, reading and spending time with my family. Work-wise, I also work better, much more objective and focused.

“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived looking forward” – Soren Kierkegaard (1813-1855)

Now that I’ve made it to the other side of the storm, I look back with gratitude for the lessons learned and strengths I gained. It wasn't easy, but with the support of family & friends and my refusal to give up helped me reached the other side.

If you're still struggling with unemployment, I feel and hear you. You are not alone in this - there are many like you searching for the next job, and I believe the hard work you've invested this year will soon lead to better opportunities.

Continue updating your skills (for Malaysians, get in touch with PERKESO for help), networking (message me if digital is your area, I'll try to connect you with any of my contacts that are hiring), and actively pursuing paths that aligns with your passion (who knows, maybe that home baking passion holds a surprise!).

While doors may close, remember, you hold the key to your own future. Embrace the journey, trust your strengths, and keep looking forward. Onwards and upwards.