Digging & Determination

Let me tell you tale of lessons learned in the most challenging and dirty ways. This one comes from my days as a high schooler growing up on the prairies, surrounded by the love of family and an endless supply of chores and "opportunities" to learn the lessons of life.

It was Summer - a long, hot and humid one. The kind that had you dripping sweat within 5 minutes of simply standing outside. My father, a former all-American football player turned coach, educator, and part-time farmer, sparked a conversation with me at lunch while we ate sandwiches in the cool kitchen of our family home in the Flint Hills of Kansas. He asked me if I was interested in making $100 as well as getting a chance to add some "strength training" to my daily routines in advance of the upcoming high school football schedule. He had peaked my interest... mostly on the monetary side of things. One hundred dollars was a lot of money back in the early 1990's, especially for a teenager with hobbies and interests that had gone well beyond reading books and drawing pictures.

I asked him what I would need to do to earn that $100. He then told me that he suspected a water line was leaking somewhere between the pump house and a cattle feeder that was near the granary. He said that if I was willing to dig up the water line and locate the leak, he would give me the money when the work was done. Hiding my excitement, I coolly said I might be interested. As soon as we finished up lunch, we walked out into the blast-furnace that was the outdoors and went to inspect the area where the troubled water line was lurking below the baked surface. The location seemed innocuous enough - about a 10 foot long stretch of gravel over dirt. He asked me if I had any questions. I asked him what tools I might be using. He then walked me into the storage shed and handed me a shovel, a pickaxe, and a steel rod. He asked me again if I had any questions. I asked him the approximate location of the water line. He then took the steel rod and dragged a line in the gravel for me to use as a starting point.

One last time, he inquired, "Any other questions?" And I said I did not have any. I was really thinking about what I would spend that $100 on! He grabbed my hand, shook it, and proclaimed, "Then we have a deal! You can start today." I think I mumbled something about needing to get a water jug and some snacks, but nodded my head in agreement. We had a deal. Then told me something I will remember to this day. He looked me directly in the eyes and said, "Son, you just made a contract to do work with me. I trust that you will honor your word, and get the job done right. In this family, our word is very important. If you need anything, let me know." I did not know it at the time, but he was steering me towards an important life lesson. As my father left me to go do his own chores, I got myself ready and put on my gloves.

My first swing of the pickaxe was met with great resistance. My ensuing follow-up attempts with the shovel and steel rod were also greeted with mighty rejections by the surface of the Earth. It was a stark realization that materialized in my teenage brain that this might be a little more challenging than the "easy $100" cake-walk I had imagined beforehand. You see, this was a stretch of gravel that had been compacted by the repeated driving of heavy tractors and equipment over decades and decades. That pretty much had turned the top 2 feet or so of gravel and soil into near-concrete. But I was not to be deterred or defeated. I was going to show my dad I could do this, and get all kinds of muscles in the effort. That is what I told myself, at least.

By the evening time, I had only managed to accomplish two things. First, I had managed to dig a very shallow, very unimpressive "trench" with parts of the top layer of gravel scraped off. It was probably only 4 inches deep at the best parts. Secondly, I had developed some pretty wicked blisters on my palms and fingers. On both hands! This was rather frustrating, but I was not about to give up and let anyone know I was having a hard time. As I dragged myself into the house for supper, I sat exhausted at the table in front of a much needed plate of food and a large glass of ice-cold water. My dad looked at me with an amused look, and asked, "How'd it go out there today, son?" I stared at my food, and grumbled, "It was a good start, dad..." He chuckled and we moved on to other table topics. I went to bed pretty quickly that night. I slept very, very hard.

The next morning (and for many mornings thereafter) my whole body felt like it had been run over multiple times by a very large vehicle. I could barely move. After a long, hot shower and painful stretching, I went back out to the "trench of torture" as I would come to know it. I kept swinging away and shoveling dirt - which I come to know as my daily experience for many weeks to come. Those days would blend and blur together. My dad would check on me many times, and occasionally asked if I needed help. I told him I had it handled, which was directly tied to my youthful pride, sense of self-determination, and dogged commitment to honoring my word.

At some point, about 4 feet down in that treacherous trench, I had reached a point of immense and unmitigated frustration. I had spent weeks getting this far, and no water line was to be seen! My dad had once more swung by to check on me, and expressed in an annoyingly (to me) cheerful voice, "How's it coming along today, son? It's a beautiful day!" It was at that moment, I blurted out, "I am sick of this job! I have been digging for weeks, and I still do not see a water line! Where the heck is it? This is not what I signed up for!" My father let some silence pass, and then calmly put a hand on my shoulder and advised, "I know you are very frustrated right about now. Remember when I asked you more than once if you had any questions?" I begrudgingly told him I remembered. He said, "Perhaps you could have asked how far down water lines are buried on the Great Plains? We have very harsh winters. Because of that we have to bury the water lines at least 6 feet underground." I was utterly shocked and not happy to hear this. I stood there, absorbing this new information. I must have looked like a highly irritated statue of a dirty, sweat-soaked teenager with deep regrets.

Then my father spoke to me in a very gentle way, and gave me the wisdom I still carry with me to this day. I will share it now in the form of bullet points:

• Before you agree to work for or with someone, make sure you ask as many questions as your are able to, including:

1. "What do you think I need to be aware of before we start?"
2. "How long does something like this usually take?"
3. "What are the sizes, locations, and materials/tools involved?

• If you have a verbal understanding of the work to be done, write it down and make sure both parties are on the same page. If you cannot come to terms before the work is to start, then do not agree to do the work.
• If you are in over your head, do not be afraid to speak the truth and humbly ask for help. Do not let your pride get in the way of completing the work.
• Finish what you start. Don't blame people. Look for the lessons and learn. Honor your word. Your inner strength and outer reputation will be built on this foundation if you choose to walk this path.

So how did it end? I asked my dad for help, and he did. We found the water line and fixed the leak. I kept my word, and honored the commitments made. I got that $100 and was very happy to receive it - although when I think back on that time, I must have made less than $1/hour! Most importantly, the importance of asking detailed questions, making smart agreements, and being brave enough to ask for help when things do not go as well as planned was firmly and lovingly seared into my teenage brain. These are valuable life lessons I have carried with me for years since that long, hot Summer. Funny how much you can learn at the bottom of a sweaty trench surrounded by dirt and rocks.

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As a Founder and Design Professional, I am humbled and excited each day we wake up and continue the path ahead that has been illuminated for us. Subscribe to the?De la?Luz?| Of the Light?newsletter for more updates and insights on topics related to cultural influences in design, community building, issues related to justice, equity, diversity and inclusion (JEDI), and lessons learned from a road less traveled at the nexus of nature, art, spirituality, and architecture. To learn more about what I am up to, please follow De La Luz | Of The Light on LinkedIn.