Dig your well before you need water.

A consistent question I am asked is, “How do I network without looking needy or desperate?”

When I worked for a large business, we all used to go for a drink on a Friday lunchtime.

Most people were happy to stand their round, but ‘Bob’ always managed to avoid his turn. Over a period of time, everybody stopped buying ‘Bob’ drinks.

Globally-respected psychologist, and author of Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion Dr Robert Cialdini says, “In?social psychology, reciprocity is a?social rule?that says people should repay, in kind, what another person has provided for them;?that is, people give back (reciprocate) the kind of treatment they have received from another.”

I have found this to be relatively simple in my life, because I was taught from a young age by my Mum to give; giving was her natural response to the world.

A client of mine was becoming frustrated by the lack of opportunity at his company, so he decided to move on. He is always looking to support other people and has done so for the last three decades. This often involves him connecting two people who could benefit from a mutual introduction.

So, when it came to the time for him to receive support, he gained several prompt introductions to key decision-makers. This led him to have seven interviews and eventually achieve four job offers.?

Naturally, he is highly competent at his role, but crucially, what made the difference, was his attitude. By consistently investing in others, he did not come across as needy or ‘a taker’ when it came to asking for support.

Adam Grant, the Harvard Organizational Psychologist, advises us to build relationships strategically. He admires the way that serial entrepreneur Adam Rifkin organizes his time. "You don't have to be Mother Teresa or Gandhi to be a giver. You just have to find small ways to add large value to other people's lives."

Make it easy for others to say yes – make it in their interest. In my experience, the keys to receiving effectively are:?

1.????Earn the right to ask by giving value first

2.????Be polite with your request, don’t be arrogant or entitled

3.????Ask a person who can deliver

4.????Ask with a positive intention, yet hold it lightly

5.????Ask at different times and in unusual ways

I urge you to invest in relationships now, so you can receive if, and ONLY if, you need to.??

When it’s life-changing, a bold but polite outreach can work:?

In 2009 I was at a vital inflexion point in my career, trying to make a significant pivot. I was looking to connect with Jeff Grout, who had successfully transitioned from recruiter to best-selling author and advisor to high performance teams, (including the World Cup-winning England rugby team).

I had a problem though as I did not know Jeff and felt he probably would not take my call or help me. I felt very nervous, yet decided to send the email below as I felt I had nothing to lose and everything to gain.?

“Hello Jeff, my name is Adrian Evans. We have not met yet. I know you are a busy man, so I will be brief. I run my own search & selection business. Over the years you have done an excellent job of building the Robert Half business and moving into the public-speaking and coaching arena.?

I have read and enjoyed a number of your books including ‘Mind Games’ (2004). I am sure you had many challenges when you were first starting out. I am still at those early stages, trying to figure everything out Jeff; I would really appreciate if you would spend half an hour of your time to answer a few questions.”?

I connected with him. This outreach resulted in a career-changing conversation for me.?How did I give back? Having been inspired to complete my own book, I credited Jeff in the book, and he was the very first person to receive a copy. I also attended one of his leadership courses as a paying client.

There is nothing worse than the insincere outreach people attempt when they are suddenly looking for a new job or to generate business. They try to connect with a key influencer, with whom they have little or no relationship. Reid Hoffman, ?the founder of LinkedIn advises:

“If you were made redundant tomorrow, which people would you contact amongst your existing network? Send them an email today to renew your relationship.”

Warren Buffett’s addresses to his shareholders have gone down in business mythology. Yet this elegant delivery has not always been the case. In his 20s, Buffett was terrified of public speaking. So he invested in himself and attended a public speaking course. ?He has only one certificate hanging on the wall in his small office in Omaha, Nebraska - his successful completion of the Dale Carnegie Effective Speaking and Leadership Course. ?

That course, which I myself undertook back in 2009, is shaped by Carnegie’s iconic book How to Win Friends and Influence People. First published in 1937, its human relations wisdom is as applicable today as it was back then – nearly 90 years ago. It is my observation that many professionals operating today, lack the emotional intelligence and decency to connect with fellow humans to mobilise the resources to enable their careers to move forward.

So, what is the biggest take-away from the course?

“Become genuinely interested in other people. You can make more friends in two months by being interested in them, than in two years by making them interested in you."

Curiosity, connecting emotionally and sincerely with fellow humans builds trust. Creating a psychologically safe environment is the first step to any mature relationship. All is possible with trust; without it, second guessing, confusion and conflict prevails.

Award-winning executive recruiter Chris Sale?recently delivered a UK job market update. He said, ?"It's a good time for (some, not all) candidates to be in the market." ?

We all need to stay relevant in a rapidly changing world. Investing in our skills consistently is vital. So how do you become an in-demand candidate?

It is my observation that many people wait for others to invest in their continued professional development. I have committed to invest in myself to become an improved and more connecting coach. I start a Professional Certificate in Executive Coaching at Henley Business School this week.

I would wholeheartedly recommend prioritizing relationship-building as a skill to improve.

It is learnable and starts with that most human of needs – a sincere, honest connection and care for others.

I wish you every success helping our fellow humans.

Our purpose at Enterprise Sales Club is to enable SaaS Sales Professionals to achieve their potential through the power of life-enhancing connections, shared experiences, and collaborative learnings.

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