Difficult People
Chathurie Nupearachchi
Physicist with good vibes while acting multiple roles as a lecturer, researcher, education consultant, STEM activist, writer and speaker
Can you recognize the person who leaves you feeling down after an interaction?
That certain person can be self-centric, manipulative, dishonest, emotional abuser with no compassionate feelings. Even there is a tendency to create a conflict or drama by him/her.?Such difficult people can be a family member, co-worker or someone else. That is why some call them as toxic people with problematic behaviour as they are hard to deal.
I have encountered many such difficult people in my life too. So, I am honestly curious about difficult people this month.
How can you handle difficult people? Here are the strategies that I take.
1)?????First, I think you need to focus on how they make you feel as a person. If there is more emotional and verbal abuse in the interactions, then check whether they apologize or take notice on what they do or say affects yourself. The awareness of toxic behaviour effects on yourself can easily help to navigate the interactions with them. Sometimes you can have an open conversation and say that you do not like the particular behaviour which is unacceptable. If they act as deaf people, then silence is the best self-care for you.
2)?????Normally, difficult people always talk about unfair treatment, complain about others and even can accuse you for not caring their needs. Do not be at a rush to get into their version to defend the accusations or get on with the different treatment story line.?Just mention that you are sorry for them to feel that way and leave the scene without getting more involvement. The simple rule is ‘avoid playing in their reality’.
3)?????Stand for yourself is the best tip that I can give when handling difficult people. You need to be yourself and be proud of who you are. Here what I meant is taking care of yourself which should make sure that you have emotional stability to meet your own needs by practicing equanimity in life.
4)?????Without trying to fix them, it is better to offer kindness/compassion. People may change but there should be a dedication from their side to commit themselves to put the effort of change. If things are getting uncomfortable to you, then walking away by saying ‘NO’ is the best thing to do avoid further developments. Even you can limit the time with difficult people by making yourself unavailable.
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5)?????Always remind yourself that their actions are not your fault nor your responsibility. You need to make sure that they know that you are not willing to cooperate or tolerate their behaviour.
Even after all these strategies, you still may have to encounter the difficult person without avoiding him/her at different occasions. For that you need to set boundaries with self-discipline and should have invented an exit strategy or with a changed routine.
In fact, you need to be clear about how you prefer to interact and how you are not willing to interact.
I have noticed that the toxic behaviour can be involved with gossiping, sharing personal details or provoking reactions using personal information. If you can sense that the conversation is driving to these directions, then you need to take shut down attempts by changing the subject matter while maintaining your calm composure.
(This article originally appeared in Probe - March issue of 2022.)
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https://drive.google.com/file/d/1WtvHnWcnvakStSiuw142IDv1pRiIV4_y/view