The Difficult Negotiator: Yeah We’ve All Been There

Do you ever find yourself face-to-face with someone who won’t listen to reason?

Sooner or later, most people deal with a difficult negotiator.

What makes these people so difficult? Do they want to win at all costs? Or are they merely terrible at negotiation?

When you’re forced to negotiate with someone who won’t compromise, you still need to make a deal—and more often than not, making the other person feel like they won.

Here are some steps that you can when confronted with this situation.

Spot a Bad Negotiator

How can you tell whether you’re up against a good negotiator or a bad one? A bad negotiator is someone who views negotiations as a zero-sum game.

These people believe that there are winners and losers in every negotiation. They believe negotiations are adversarial by design, with only a fixed pie of outcomes: the more for me, the less for you.

Bad negotiators believe that their gain must come at your expense. They fail to listen and learn. They don’t consider your perspective. It’s impossible for them to compromise.

In Negotiating Rationally, Max Bazerman argues that most managers tend to behave irrationally in negotiations. They’re frequently overconfident. They recklessly escalate previous commitments as a result. Additionally, they fail to consider the tactics of the other party, which can severely inhibit their goals.

On the contrary, a good negotiator understands the value of negotiation. Instead of viewing the results of the negotiation as a fixed pie, these optimistic negotiators work diligently to increase the size of the overall pie so that everyone gets a bigger chunk.

Dealing With a Bad Negotiator

To successfully make a deal, you need to identify negotiation pitfalls. You should focus on your opponent’s behaviors and develop the ability to recognize individual limitations and biases.

Next, you need to explain how to think rationally about reaching an agreement instead of an impasse.

Generally speaking, your negotiating partner will fall into one of three categories:

1. Perfectly rational.
2. Rational, but with some irrational positions.
3. Perfectly irrational.

 
Always assume that the person you are dealing with is completely rational. Ask targeted questions to learn more about the other person’s current situation. This tactic will allow you to determine whether their stance is driven by factors outside of their control.

If you discover that your partner falls into the second category, the negotiation can still be productive. Sometimes people sprinkle in irrational positions as part of their negotiation strategy, see if you can detect if this is happening and try welcoming more people from both sides into the conversation. Also, document every interaction. Make sure your negotiating partner knows that others will be privy to his or her actions.  

Does your partner fall into the third category? If so, it’s time to summarize your positions, set explicit deadlines, and sit back and wait to see whether he or she will change their mind.

It is this type person who most likely values winning, so it’s is equally important that you give them a sense that they walked away with the better deal than you, even though that might not technically be true.  To do this, will require a strong combination of language and positioning.

Never forget that emotion plays a huge role in negotiations. Research has shown that people who suppress their emotions during negotiations are more likely to experience impaired cognitive abilities while they’re trying to make a deal.  Tame your emotions while assessing your partners state of mind.

Understand Culture’s Role in Negotiations

Finally, it’s critical that you never underestimate the role culture plays in negotiations.

If you’re negotiating with a German business partner, he or she might be used to more formal discourse than you are. If you’re dealing with a Japanese partner, he or she might communicate more indirectly than you’re used to.  Each person’s background, experience, nationality, and religion, are all factors in how they may approach a negotiation.

One way to overcome cultural clashes at the negotiation table is to develop a prototype of the average citizen from your negotiating partner’s country. It helps you make informed guesses as to how your partner might conduct themselves during the negotiation.

The bottom line is that the better you understand your negotiating partner, the more successful your deal will be. And don’t forget, a successful negotiation is one in which everyone wins. But in the case of dealing with a difficult person it may be equally as important to make them feel as if they won.