Difficult decisions: 8 keys to overcome your fear of making choices

Your boss has just offered you a new job, but it implies learning new skills and changing your work environment completely and you are not sure… As an hr manager, you need to hire a person, but you can’t seem to decide who is the best candidate for the open position… Being the person in charge of the department, you have to decide where you need to invest your energy and focus and you don’t know if you are making the right decisions...

Making choices is not always easy and many people suffer from not being able to make up their minds easily and quickly. You are indeed not alone...

And the problem is that, whatever the context, as long as you haven’t decided, you suffer. Your mind is busy and sometimes you even lose sleep.

On the other hand, you will have noticed that once your decision is taken, you often feel a great sense of relief.

If the most trying time is the one before you make up your mind, here are 8 techniques that will help you take decisions faster and more serenely.

1) Go over your values

Every time you have to take a decision, you subconsciously go over your fundamental values. What is a fundamental value? It’s a notion such as courage, determination, persistence, patience, respect, listening, or creativity, flexibility, curiosity...

If the choice you have to make shakes one of your fundamental values, then taking the decision may prove difficult. If you are conscious of your fundamental values, then the choice process can become faster and more conscious. You can look at your dilemma and go over your fundamental values to find out whether they are respected. For example, if you are offered a job in a company the values of which are excellence, challenge and performance when yours are tolerance, respect and patience, your association may not bode well.

To find your fundamental values, here are two exercises;

1) The grand-children test: Imagine that one day your grand-children are asked what kind of man or woman you were, what would they say? He was a .... man or .... woman. Fill in the blanks. 

2) The 10 favourites test: Make a list of 10 objects, people, places, events which are the most important to you. For each, write down what they inspire you. Through what these objects, people, places tell you, you will find your fundamental values.

For example; I love my car, it enables me to move freely from one place to another... It inspires me freedom of movement... your fundamental value = freedom.

I love my elder sister, she inspires me courage and tenacity whatever the circumstances... your fundamental value = courage and tenacity.

2) Discover your personality type

You will have certainly already noticed that we do not all have the same personality type. Some may be more inclined to take initiatives, to be brave and enterprising, some are more reserved, discreet and shy. 

Is this a bad thing? Are enterprising people who are more able to take swift decisions better than you? Not at all!

These people simply have a different personality from yours. Being able to observe and being more introverted is sometimes also very important. Recognise your talents and your strengths even if it seem to you that they are less ‘sexy’.

However, you can take inspiration from people who are better at taking decisions. From time to time, try and imitate them and you will also develop the ability to take decisions easily.

3) Increase your self-confidence

Taking decisions and increasing your self-confidence can be a positive or negative spiral depending on which direction you take. When you take a decision, whatever it is, you tell yourself subconsciously : “I believe I am able to take a good decision, and if it turns out that I haven’t made the right one, I will find be able, one way or the other to correct it”.

The more you will take decisions, the more you will develop the confidence that you are capable of living with the consequences of your choices and conversely, the less you take decisions, the more you will enforce your doubt in your own abilities.   

I you want taking decisions to be easier, develop your self-confidence and...

4) Develop the habit of taking decisions

Indeed, taking decisions is a habit. Just like all the things we do, taking decisions is a habit we can start, develop and lose. The more you make a habit of taking decisions, however small, the easier it will be for you. Conversely, the less you take decisions, the more the slightest choice will be seem scary.

Develop the habit of taking decisions. In the beginning, however...

5) Start by taking small decisions

No need to start the habit of taking decisions by wondering whether you should divorce your spouse, quit your job to free-lance or travel round the world...

If you have real difficulties taking decisions generally, start by making a habit of taking small decisions as often as possible.

For example, decide on the restaurant where you will have lunch with your colleagues today, stop saying: “oh, I’ll let you choose, I’m easy...” Decide which film you will watch with your partner tonight...

The more you take decisions, however small, the easier it will be to tackle more difficult choices when the time comes.

6) Define your personal and professional objectives

An old saying goes: “if you don’t know where you are going, that is exactly where you will end up... nowhere!” It is of course very difficult to say no to a project when you have never taken the time to ask yourself where you wanted to be in the future and what you want to achieve in your personal and professional life. And with the development of media and social networks, solicitations are forever increasing and keeping a cool head in all the chaos is extremely difficult. However, if you know what you want to achieve in your private as well as professional life, all you need to do is contemplate the choice that needs to be made and ask yourself which option will bring you closer to your objectives.

7) Get some air before deciding

If you are faced with a difficult choice and can’t see a way out, go for a walk. Indeed, when you walk and oxygenate your brain, new perspectives come to you naturally and a situation you considered impossible to solve can suddenly seem astonishingly simple. A walk in the open air will enable you to activate your prefrontal brain and leave the reptilian zone that is activated in moments of stress. Great people where known for the reflective walks... Einstein, Steve Jobs and Barack Obama to name but a few.

8) Listen to your intuition

Lastly and this is certainly most important; knowing how to make decisions is first and foremost developing your intuition. Being intuitive is being able to listen to the small inner voice telling if the choice is right or not. We all have intuition, the trouble is most people ignore its message or refuse to listen to it. Take the time to observe how you feel when contemplating the choice you have to make. Do you feel better with the perspective of saying yes or saying no?

Most people who are very successful in business or in sport, often say that they simply follow their intuition...  

Listening to your intuition, is in fact listening to what your subconscious is trying to tell you. For your information, your subconscious always knows 10 times more than you on any given situation...

Beware though not to confuse your intuition with an apprehension that results from the fear of leaving your comfort zone. As soon as you do something new, you will be scared and that’s normal. It is a healthy fear. Intuition, however, warns you against a situation that could be “less positive”.

Stay attentive and... trust yourself... !

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