Difficult conversations

Difficult conversations are always – surprise, surprise – challenging to initiate and very easy to mess up. However, maintaining strong relationships requires having difficult conversations because working through conflicts – whether in our professional or personal lives – indicates that you value the other person’s feelings enough to put in the effort to resolve any issues. That’s one reason why avoiding difficult conversations – hoping that the issue will just go away – rarely works – and actually trying to deal with a difficult situation is a necessary first step.

The difficult conversations we dread, more often than not, stem from being over-involved in a situation to such an extent that it impacts our ability to think rationally, solve problems and communicate appropriately. We need to build the courage to express concerns as they arise because unexpressed thoughts will only mask a tough situation for a limited time – they are eventually revealed in the form of sarcasm, passive aggression and impatience.

When adrenaline starts to flow – our body’s natural reaction to stress - thoughts can be triggered automatically. Assumptions – you know the aphorism – can turn random thoughts into poorly thought-out conclusions, unless we take the time to address and discuss the cause of the difficult conversation. To reduce anxiety and better manage the conversation, take some time to identify the crux of the problem. Be clear about how you feel – and how you feel the issue can best be dealt with. Acknowledge that there are likely to be different points of view – and you may not be right. This way, you can consider different outcomes - and you have mentally prepared yourself. Trying to see the issue from the other party’s perspective might help you find a win-win solution.

Situations – particularly difficult situations – are rarely black or white. It is natural that different people see things through a different lens so waiting around and hoping the other party simply understands your perspective or what you are going through is a recipe for disaster. When explaining your stance, a torrent of words is not usually a winning strategy. Avoid making the other party feel railroaded or overshadowed. Maintain a flow that allows the other party to participate. Listening to understand rather than just to respond gives you time to think about your next contribution to the discussion – which otherwise could go south if you accidentally offend or anger the other person in the spur of the moment. By listening effectively, you may learn something that you didn’t know or see the situation from a different angle. If you are switched on and engaged, the other party is more likely to switch on and engage. Sometimes, though, difficult situations need more than one difficult conversation. So be prepared to agree to disagree

Unfortunately, despite your best intentions and even though you have put time and thought into preparing for a difficult conversation, there is always the possibility that it won’t go according to plan. The most effective conversations are the ones where all parties involved make a conscious effort to be considerate and understanding of where others are coming from and to recognise that they have the best of intentions in mind approaching the matter. It is important to maintain a level of respect and empathy regardless of whether you disagree with their views because even if they differ from yours, they are still valid – just as much as yours are.