Different perspective on 'success'

I've had a very interesting career (so far) and I was discussing my career and personal trajectory with a party a few weeks ago, and something was said which at first irritated me, then infuriated me, but now, on reflection, spurs me on

I dont for one moment feel the comment was made vindictively, or was meant to insult, as the party was looking at me for an important role within their organisation, but I know a younger version of 'me' would not have been best pleased with the assertion 'your career peaked eight years ago!'

Now, I know I am not a spring chicken anymore, no more the 'enfant terrible' but I have many a productive year in me yet and my passions burn just as bright as that young guy kicking down doors. So I have unpicked the assertion, and its connotations, and thought I would share my thoughts, so us 'older models' can contemplate what 'success' means when they step away from the furnace

Eight years ago I was at the top of one of the newest, largest and most volatile care groups. Prior to this I had spent many years climbing, then at the top of, three or four other very large, very succesful provider groups and during those years when they were making huge strides in learning how to move dementia care forward, and trying to figure out how to do 'person centred care' from within a profit driven philosophy. I am proud to say I helped drive that agenda forwards

Before that, as a younger buck with a chip on my shoulder, I had scrapped around and paid my dues. I was very lucky in that for 20 years I mixed with the good and the great, became a published author, undertook research, had multiple academic experiences, led and was part of national and international initiatives and picked up a few accolades here and there, mostly down to the hard work and graft of the teams I was fortunate to lead. (Did I mention I was also a research fellow at Green Templeton post grad college, University of Oxford)

What most people did not see was the sadness and stress this was causing me. For career, and to prove to myself and my family that a Geordie, from a housing estate, with little formal education and a 'rough' start could amount to something, I moved constantly around the Country (24 different address in 34 years - none of them home) I worked during the day, studied during the night and at weekends. I travelled hundreds of miles weekly and eventually fell into eating poorly (a Mars bar in the car) and drinking to excess

I was lonely and suffered from 'imposter syndrome'

My relationships did not last as I put work above all else and my nomadic lifestyle led to a Pagliacci persona (I was the laughing clown to the outside, while inside my world collapsed into loathing and self hate)

I was the typical poor boy made good and my CV looks great, in fact, it is great. I've done very well and my thanks to every single person who helped to make me better than I ever could have been on my own

So - what have I been doing for the last eight years to have peaked and now contemplate decline?

Well, the loss of my parents, especially my Father who lived for many years battling an increasingly losing fight with mixed dementia, heart disease, kidney failure and diabetes and was the reason for me 'giving up' the big career and moving back to the North East to become a pt. time carer beside my little Sister who, as in most families, took the real weight, caused me to have an epiphany - I changed me from the inside. I believe and know that everyone of us can do this.

I looked backwards and accepted that everywhere I have worked, within weeks of me walking out the doors, replaced me and moved on - no memorial, no funeral, no annual visit to the shrine! Nope, nada, its business (I was a commodity like any other)

I woke up, I started working for myself, sole trader, started choosing who I would work for and who I would not, where I would work, how much I wanted to earn - sometimes more, sometimes less and ultimately where I could make a difference without having to make some of those compromises that in business, we sometimes feel compelled to do

Guess what, I have made some mistakes, its been a little scary at times selling myself as a product and yes, I have been lied to and cheated at one time or another, felt the inevitable crash of being a trusting fool, of feeling used but, I am in charge of me now, so I picked myself up, wiped off the blood and the snot, dried the tears and started again and again, and again. No parachute

During Covid I moved back to London to do what I could, now I am back in my native North East. I have a house on the sea front, with incredible views, I have an XF and S Type Jag (yep two Jags!) I see my Sister as often as possible and I live alone with a little cat, Music, who loves me and I love her.

I travel less, work pt. time for three different companies, contributing as much as I can to each. I still dont turn the 'brain' off much as I am standing alone now, on my own two feet, what I reap I sow: and I am not rich so need the income to pay the bills

I will be looking for something new around Christmas, but it will be my choice and it will only be for a company or companies who I feel are doing the right things, paying me the right wages and where I can sleep in my own bed at night (with a clear conscience)

I'm writing a new book and sit on the steering panel of the older peoples forum, Royal College of Nursing where I am still able to make a national contribution and I still contribute to that professional dialogue, the professions development, and to the advancement of all those I possible can

Peaked? Well, your definition or mine? I feel as if I am just getting started!

I am available for interim or consultancy work as from Christmas 2021.

I look forward to bringing old man wisdom, grit and resilience to a company near you soon.

Update. The old man picked a family run concern. My role, take seven independent companies, with very checkered histories, roll them up as one brand new group 'Caring and Leading' and make them great places to live, to work, to partnership with and achieve great ratings, make them profitable and then grow the group. I now sleep in my own bed, still live on the sea front, see my Sister as often as possible my Niece and two nephews. Music passed away God Bless her at 21 years of age and a little boy, Wilson moved in making her last years 'interesting'. She died as I have lived bravely, with dignity and I was with her holding her little paws. She knew she was loved. The story is not over, I've yet to peak and I want to thank the unthinking party for putting fire back in my belly. Caring and Leading will certainly benefit from it.

P