A Different Kind of Bridge

Bridge. Be a Bridge. Meet me on the Bridge! Bridge across divides!! Be a Bridge builder!!!

I'm seeing messages like these everywhere, and don't get me wrong, I've repeated them because, I believe in them too.

But I need a new definition, because this idea of connecting two fixed points/people across a chasm/divide seems to connote that we'll somehow always be connected, when most bridge moments are simply fleeting.

My Thanksgiving dinner was entirely zoom-based this year. I miss the hugs! But we didn't talk about the election.

Like many families, mine is split, hard, on Biden's win. I had been gearing up to "meet on the bridge" with my family members on the other side, knowing that when the weekend would be over, the delicate and painful discussions would end as well.

That's what seems fickle to me about the bridge analogy: the "meeting" feels fleeting, like it will end after a short, difficult meeting, and people retreat to their sides.

So when all my emotional preparedness turned out to be unnecessary, I started contemplating how to change the narrative around how we come together. That led me to think about the biggest physical Bridge in my life - the Bay Bridge. It spans between a wealthy part of San Francisco in the west and the most industrial part of Oakland in the east.

If you've ever driven west-bound on to the Bay Bridge, you'll know all about the MacArthur Maze, a mass of concrete fly-overs and swooping criss-crosses. It connects no less than four different freeways (five if you count the 24) and funnels parts of each of them into a single direction.

What if we didn't think of the bridge as being the temporary connection between two opposing sides?

Maybe a bridge can be a place where many people, from many different directions, all agree on a single direction.

We could all have different ideas of what "the other side" will bring, and have different motivations and expectations, but we agree that being on the bridge is the right thing.

I love this idea because it has one fundamentally different premise: we are having a shared experience.

Yes, it may be temporary, but we do not retreat back to our sides. We move forward, changed by the experience.

If we use this idea and set the corresponding ground rules for the bridge, e.g. be patient, be curious, be respectful; could we also change the experience of these challenging conversations?

After all, the best part of being on the bridge is the view - a different perspective - and perhaps, additional respect.

What do you think about this analogy? How are you thinking about being a bridge?