The Difference Loving Elders Make And How to Tell if You Are One of Them

Leading with Love, Part 2

The sun was beaming through the car windows last Sunday morning as a single mom pulled into the parking lot of a new church with butterflies in her stomach and two toddlers in the back seat. New to town, she didn't know anyone at the church, but she'd been disappointed in the others she'd visited and had heard this one was worth a try.

Before the service, several people made a point to say hello and chat with her, including an elder who takes his post at the front stoop every Sunday morning to greet people.

Near the end of the service, a woman sitting behind her saw tears streaming down her cheeks. The woman leaned forward, clasped the visitor's shoulder, and whispered, "Are you okay?"

“Yes,” the visitor replied, “I’ve just never been to such a friendly church where I felt so loved!”

She plans to return next Sunday.

As an elder, it’s your job to foster an environment like that at your church through your example and teaching. But too many men who hold the title of “elder” spend more time sitting in committee meetings than loving people. They are “board elders,” not “shepherd elders”—and that’s not at all what God intends.

What Kind of Elder Are You?

If you can say “yes” to most of these questions, you’re the kind of loving leader the New Testament commands and commends.

Has anyone from your church shared a meal with you in your home or at a restaurant this month?

Are you mentoring someone?

Did you notice who was absent last Sunday and call to check on them?

Do you visit people in hospitals and nursing homes when policies allow?

Do people see you as approachable and warm?

Do you know how your people are really doing?

Do you weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice?

Why Love Matters

“The world we live in is starved for love,” Kevin Fitzgerald said in part two of his Leading with Love series. “People will go where they feel loved, whether to [our churches] or the cults. People vote with their feet.”

When we love people, our congregation will do likewise. And these will be the results:

The Lord will be pleased. This, of course, is the primary reason to love people—Jesus commands us to.

Conflict and division will diminish. Demanding our own way breeds conflict. Putting others first promotes peace. Sadly, only 2 percent of church splits are over doctrine. The other 98 percent happen simply because people cannot get along.

Our churches will be healthier. Love is the true test of a church’s wellbeing.

Evangelism will occur. When unbelievers enter the loving environment at our churches, they will feel welcome, be more likely to return, and tangibly experience the love of Christ.

Success in God’s Book

Is your church struggling, shrinking, losing members?

“Let me tell you this, brothers,” Kevin exhorts. “If you minister out of love to the people you’re serving, you can never be considered a failure. “We are never more like God than when we are loving people, especially difficult people.”

For more on the connection between love and leadership, watch part two of Kevin Fitzgerald’s Leading with Love series.